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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To question his intentions?

101 replies

Purpledott · 06/11/2022 09:42

Hi everyone

Really confused and starting to have some doubts. I have been speaking to somebody for a few weeks and we get on well. We have not met yet but he’s been saying how much he likes me and how much he wants me to be in his life and he has been very full on with me very quickly.

He went on a night out last night and this morning I have woke up to lots of missed calls and texts. Telling me he feels lost and has heard some bad news that he’s having to move out of his house for the time being and has no where to go and that he wants to see me to talk about it to me. What would you do?

OP posts:
LemonDrop22 · 06/11/2022 10:11

This reminds me a little bit of guys in dating sites asking, within 2 sentences, if you have your own place/live alone.

Never knew if it was because they were living with Mammy & Daddy and had nowhere to take you, or if they were actually not single, and therefore had nowhere to take you (and too broke or stingy to pay for hotels). Probably not single.

In any case old is just chock full of users looking for sex, accommodation etc.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 06/11/2022 10:13

Omg.

Block.

Cw112 · 06/11/2022 10:13

That would be too intense for me personally and would make me think he doesn't have many people in his life and would therefore become quite dependent. I'm more than happy to support my dh in anything he needs but if he'd started dumping his problems on me after a few weeks of messaging that would have raised alarm bells for me. I would start to pull back personally.

Ekátn · 06/11/2022 10:13

Purpledott · 06/11/2022 09:59

Thanks everyone. Sorry I forgot to add that we do live in the same town and have seen each other around but that’s as far as it goes. I don’t know him personally and we have only been messaging for a few weeks. I had 7 missed calls this morning and about ten messages saying how lost he is and that he doesn’t know where to turn. He was begging me to return the calls saying he really needs to talk to about it

If you just reply, tell him you find all this too intense for someone you barely know then block him. You won’t have missed calls if you block him

He is going to continue until you offer him a temporary place to stay and then you will struggle to get rid.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 06/11/2022 10:16

"Hobo-sexual" 🤣 ROLF! OP, block him and delete him. Unless you want him sponging off of you. Protect yourself. He sounds like he is immature and makes poor choices in life.

Newnameoclock · 06/11/2022 10:23

No one falls in love faster than someone needing a roof over their head

Outtasteamandluck · 06/11/2022 10:31

Block. Block. Block.

Quick.

Do. It. Now!!

bigblueyonder · 06/11/2022 10:33

I mean you could talk to him but keep it practical. If he is homeless speak to the relevant authorities, parents etc. Do not offer a solution. To be honest he sounds like a love bomber...

Have very firm boundaries in your head and do not budge from them. You are not his mother....

P.s. listen to podcast Chasing Charlie for a true horror story on how far this can go

mamabear715 · 06/11/2022 10:34

Oh dear. Red flags..

Original poster
Purpledott · 06/11/2022 10:54

He has just sent another message saying essentially his house mate has let him down over reasons that are not his fault so he has to move out

OP posts:
BatshitBanshee · 06/11/2022 10:58

Oh lord, it's never a cocklodger's fault, is it.

He tried to love bomb you and is now trying to cash in on that by making sure you feel sorry for him and take him in. Just block him and never revisit again.

Ekátn · 06/11/2022 10:58

Purpledott · 06/11/2022 10:54

He has just sent another message saying essentially his house mate has let him down over reasons that are not his fault so he has to move out

I am confused why you are entertaining this at all Tbh.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 06/11/2022 11:00

Purpledott · 06/11/2022 10:54

He has just sent another message saying essentially his house mate has let him down over reasons that are not his fault so he has to move out

Put yourself in his shoes. You are left in a precarious housing situation and may be left homeless. Is the first person you call a close friend or relative or is it the random you’ve been speaking to online for a few weeks?

Block and move on.

Darbs76 · 06/11/2022 11:01

I’d call him back, but make it absolutely clear you cannot help him.

pewtypie · 06/11/2022 11:01

Why are you not telling him to jog on, OP?

Badgirlriri · 06/11/2022 11:03

Purpledott · 06/11/2022 10:54

He has just sent another message saying essentially his house mate has let him down over reasons that are not his fault so he has to move out

Just reply “that’s a shame”

RedHelenB · 06/11/2022 11:05

Do you want to possibly have a relationship with him? If no then block. If you might then carry on messaging but make it crystal clear you can't solve his accommodation crisis by him moving in with you right away.

Quizzed · 06/11/2022 11:06

The famous saying is nobody gets into a relationship faster than a narcissist who needs a place to stay. This man has love bomber and cocklodger written all over the place. Block, block blockety block.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/11/2022 11:06

I mean you could talk to him but keep it practical.If he is homeless speak to the relevant authorities, parents etc.

Why? she sees this bloke around the place and they've spoken a few times. Why is it up to her to give him help and sort him out?

Calyx72 · 06/11/2022 11:07

pewtypie · 06/11/2022 11:01

Why are you not telling him to jog on, OP?

This. Are you enjoying the drama maybe?

ProFannyTea · 06/11/2022 11:07

Purpledott · 06/11/2022 10:54

He has just sent another message saying essentially his house mate has let him down over reasons that are not his fault so he has to move out

Well of course, and now he wants to move in with you. Then there will be a massive disaster where he needs to borrow a large sum of money just for a short time, but every time you ask for your money back there will be so e convoluted reason who he hasn't got it yet.....

Please don't fall for this. He's a grown man. You aren't the only person on the planet he has to turn to if his house mate has let him down.

nannyquestion1 · 06/11/2022 11:10

How extremely odd! I'd call him back out of sheer curiosity but have my rejection speech ready. Does he really think he can call up someone who is effectively a stranger and afl to move in with them?! Crazy.

Ps. Keep us posted!

nannyquestion1 · 06/11/2022 11:10

*ask

Original poster
Purpledott · 06/11/2022 11:11

I haven’t responded to any of his messages from last night and the message this morning was him saying please can I give him a call when I have the chance and then explaining what had happened. He has gone on to say sorry if he has worried me and that he really cares about me.

I definitely won’t give into it

OP posts:
ProFannyTea · 06/11/2022 11:12

SchoolQuestionnaire · 06/11/2022 11:00

Put yourself in his shoes. You are left in a precarious housing situation and may be left homeless. Is the first person you call a close friend or relative or is it the random you’ve been speaking to online for a few weeks?

Block and move on.

Show quote history

Exactly this. Wise up @Purpledott he's looking for a roof over his head. Talk to the house mate, I bet he will have a very different story. House mate let him down probably means he hasn't paid his keep and has been given his marching orders.