To give people second hand gifts

[GADDay]

Please be honest. Is this a really crap thing to do.

The gifts are good quality, in exceptional condition and if bought new, would cost £100's.

I would prefer to receive repurposed or second hand. So a bit biased.

We reuse paper, bags, bows, ribbon and other embellishments; it's a nice tradition to see things go back and forth and around the family as the years pass on.

Of course it's fine to give secondhand goods as gifts. No one is saying to offer a used toilet brush. But it's only practical and eco-friendly to redistribute existing goods rather than be complicit in the manufacture of new ones.

Books, small furniture items, jewelry, mementos, vintage apparel, handmade items, gardening tools and decor, the list goes on of things that actually are nicer with the patina of age.

I just ordered a used version of an expensive craft equipment because a low-income friend expressed a wish for one, and the brand-new model is prohibitively expensive. My sister and I are going in to get him a good working model which will be more than sufficient to satisfy his curiosity and well within our budget. He lives alone and I know when he opens this on Christmas morning he will be thrilled and intrigued, secondhand or not.

Of course, the kind of people who think the only decent gifts are brand-new expensive electronics aren't going to appreciate any of the above. But it's highly unlikely I'd be in an exchange with them, anyway.

So why is it ok to dress your kids I. Second hand clothes,bit not to yourself?

Not read the whole thread, but I’ve given vintage jewellery and would love a vintage Liberty cashmere scarf.

DD's nursery wardrobe was nearly 100% second hand, she came home covered in stains as standard or sometimes ripped/torn so paying for new was too expensive. New was for weekends and occasions.
Also, until she turned 5 or so, children grow so much, most items we got and also donated were in fantastic condition, especially party dresses or similar.

Adult clothes are worn much longer and most charity shop options are often looking fairly worn. I also find that if you have a body shape outside the standard sizes, it's virtually impossible to find anything decent.

Oh , so it's not a case of them being "🤢", just you can't find any that suit you?

I find it absolutely hilarious the number of users on this platform that wax lyrical about climate change and the environment and vilify people like me with 4 children whilst simultaneously boaking at the thought of a second hand book or scarf. It's ridiculous.

Thankfully the popularity of Vinted indicates that a lot of people feel differently.

An update on the 1 year without buying anything new project.

My children (21, 18, 15) and DH are all on board. We will start on 1st Jan 2023 and finish on 1st January 2024.

The rules will be - nothing new except groceries, medication, personal hygiene and cleaning supplies (we use an environmentally friendly cleaning solution that I just can't live without).

I like fixing things up - so I think the hardest thing to give up will be new paint, brushes, and stuff etc from the hardware store. There are other ways - though, will just be a bit more of an effort.

I also am a bit of a stationery slut so that's going to be tough.

I really think we will be OK for the most part.

Because kids don’t sweat excessively or at all really. Because there’s not going to be adult stuff like semen or whatever that might have landed on there.

They give me the ick. That’s all l can say. Don’t see why l should be attacked for it.

But kids wee, poo and vomit on their clothes, they jump in muddy puddles, roll around in all sorts...

I'm just confused as to why its OK to put your kids in second hand clothes, but not yourself. Just feels like double standard that's all.

I can cope with all of that for children.

I can’t deal with wearing a top that’s had someone sweaty armpit on it. It just makes my flesh crawl. I used to lecture textile science.

The smells/body fluid stays on the surface of man made stuff or is absorbed in natural fibres. So it’s still there somehow on what you buy. Children for all the poo/vomit don’t sweat like adults. Mud I’m not bothered about.

As many have said there is a big difference between a half used handcream, and old gloopy nail varnish, something the wrong size and suitable for a 90 year old granny or a bobbly jumper and a nice unused handcream, or just unused nailvarnish which might have been a pressie for someone who just doesn't wear it, something in your style and size and a lovely rarely if ever used jumper that fits.
As my parents got older much harder to find anything they wanted or needed. But my Dad was always delighted to get an old rare book he had never seen about one of his interests, mum too if a favorite author she'd not seen before because it was old, and when mum died there were things that had been presents but she had never used them cos no opportu ity, so the charity shop got good unused quality gifts that had never been worn, like the lovely blouse I got her her final Christmas, it got taken out of the packaging and admired and hung up, I k ow how much that cost
Its the thought behind it isn't it and sensitivity to the person's preferences. Myself I'd rather have a carefully chosen second hand present than an expensive bit of tat or something that had just had money but no thought thrown at it.

@alfreddo82 I believe I’m the only poster who has said they’d want to throw a book in the bin, so I’ll respond if I may?

I have never waxed, lyrically or otherwise, about the environment. Personally, I don’t think it matters how many of you buy your Boden from Oxfam; we’re all fucked. Secondly, I’m one of four myself. I don’t care how many kids you have. It doesn’t affect me in the slightest and it’s none of my business. I certainly wouldn’t judge you for it. But if you really want to play a game of ‘let’s compare carbon footprints’ then I’ll happily play. Do start. Although I hope you don’t live in a house, drive or go on holiday?

Lastly, I’m so glad that you find it hilarious that a few of us have got real issues with second hand items. Not through snobbery (I certainly don’t have a pot to pee in) or a desire for ‘pweettty neeeeeeeeeeeewwww things’ as one poster suggested (I mend my clothes and something has to be broken beyond repair before it gets replaced - not because of the environment but because we have to count every penny). But because of a mental health condition or horrible experiences as children that mean we associate second hand stuff with bugs and wearing other people’s old crap that is only fit for the bin. I’m genuinely pleased for you that you see the humour in that. Unfortunately I appear to have misplaced my sense of humour and am struggling to see what you find so funny in other people’s unfortunate experiences. Perhaps you could explain it to me?

There is ridiculousness on this thread. It comes from those posters who sit in their little bubbles, looking down their noses and laughing at people like me, safe in the knowledge that they’re helping save the environment because they’ve bought a scarf from Vinted, sold by another middle class person from a pet free and smoke free home. Safe in the knowledge that they’ll never have to wear a stranger’s knickers or send their DC to school in shoes that are too small because that’s all that was on offer. And if they buy a second or third hand bit of carpet in an attempt to insulate one of their children’s rooms, and it turns out to be hopping with cat fleas, that’s fine because they can simply pay someone to fix the problem.

I’ve had one deletion message already on this thread so I’m trying really hard not to resort to what was described as abusive name calling. But some of you have no idea. None at all. Fucking shame on you.

@Sn0tnose

Well said. So much ridiculous middle class hypocrisy. One word: privilege. With privilege comes a huge lack of understanding and empathy. Pet causes are just that pet causes, they don't change anything in the greater scheme of things. A book that looks like it's been read in a hot bath by about 50 people is fucking disgusting, if a friend gave that to me as a gift, I'd wonder about their why they think this is appropriate.

@GenerationSuper Thank you for understanding.

I want to make it very clear that I’m not judging anyone for buying second hand. If you find a bargain then great, good for you. I just refuse to be patronised and looked down on by anyone who thinks they’re Greta Thunberg because they’ve bought something second hand.

@GenerationSuper I'm not sure why you are assuming posters are middle class? I'm not, I'm a lone parent on a low wage. I couldn't afford things that we want or need if I insisted on buying new.

I don't think anyone is suggesting giving a book in less than very good condition so I don't know where that came from either.

@Sn0tnose you obviously have issues over this and I understand. I hope I am not insulting or upsetting you in any way. The thing is this thread is about gifts. Not secondhand hand clothes and old carpets.
Gifts such as a particular book someone wants to read, or a toy that can only be found secondhand because they don't make it anymore or a toy that was an unwanted gift and has been donated to a charity shop still sealed and unused or a vintage item (like an old camera).
I wouldn't give secondhand clothes as a Christmas gift unless it was a very specific vintage designer thing that the person has asked for.
You don't have to answer this if you don't want to because it's your business not mine but I am curious about things like do you allow your children to accept prizes at a school raffle? For example I belong to a hobby group. Lego based (my user name probably gives that away). We as a group sometimes donate brand new sets as donations for raffles.
So a set would go from person who stores them - to me - to the school - stored by someone from the PTA - to the raffle winner.
Would your allow your children to have that prize?
What makes that different to person who stores the set - gives it to someone as a gift who already has it - they donate to a charity shop - someone buys it - gives to your child because they love Lego?

@Sn0tnose also I personally buy things secondhand not because it's secondhand - but because I want that particular thing and if it's there in front of me in a charity shop I will get it.
I don't go seeking out secondhand stuff to be all environmentaly friendly etc. I just buy something because I want it.

@Needmorelego

The thing is this thread is about gifts. Not secondhand hand clothes and old carpets.
Gifts such as a particular book someone wants to read, or a toy that can only be found secondhand because they don't make it anymore or a toy that was an unwanted gift and has been donated to a charity shop still sealed and unused or a vintage item (like an old camera). Yep, totally get that. My whole point throughout this thread has been that the giver needs to know the person they’re buying for. My experiences with second hand stuff means that I don’t see the difference between nasty old rubbish and unwanted gifts that someone like the OP has found at a bargain price and wants to pass on. I still have that same sense of ‘I don’t want it’. I don’t see something as vintage. I just see it as really, really old cast offs.

You don't have to answer this if you don't want to because it's your business not mine but I am curious about things like do you allow your children to accept prizes at a school raffle? For example I belong to a hobby group. Lego based (my user name probably gives that away). We as a group sometimes donate brand new sets as donations for raffles.
So a set would go from person who stores them - to me - to the school - stored by someone from the PTA - to the raffle winner.
Would your allow your children to have that prize?
What makes that different to person who stores the set - gives it to someone as a gift who already has it - they donate to a charity shop - someone buys it - gives to your child because they love Lego?
It’s easy for me to answer that because I don’t have children. But, if I’m being brutally honest, I wouldn’t buy a raffle ticket in the first place. Or if I did, it would be as a donation. My DH is a Star Wars lego fan. He loves it. He doesn’t buy second hand sets because he has the patience of a saint and knows it makes me really uncomfortable. My brother (who obviously grew up the same as me) isn’t like this and is fine with second hand. I do childcare for him and he bought some second hand stair gates for me. I went out and bought new ones so I didn’t have to have them. I’m not under the impression that things I buy in a shop are made in sterile conditions and are untouched by human hands. But that’s the thing; it’s not rational.

And I get that too. I could see someone wearing a secondhand outfit and think they look fantastic. There is no part of me that is judging them or their stuff. I don’t think that I’m better than them because my cheap clothes are somehow better than their good quality second hand stuff. It’s just something that I would never do.

@Sn0tnose

Ach give yourself peace.

My comment wasn't actually aimed at you, I was referring to previous threads on MN where posters have looked down on second hand books, but my original comment still stands.

As a pp has said, this thread is relating to second hand gifts, not flea ridden carpets or filthy second hand underwear. I appreciate that growing up with these things must have been extremely difficult, I didn't grow up in particularly amazing circumstances myself but I don't shoehorn that into conversations that aren't even relevant.

If it was something I really loved/wanted in good condition (eg an interesting book, a silky scarf, a leather handbag, craft supplies etc) then I'd be delighted.

But it's some tut that I'm not remotely interested in - random crappy smellies, some ornament with 'Live, Laugh Love' written on it etc then I honestly would rather you didn't bother.

If you say it wasn’t aimed at me, then ok. I don’t have a particular memory about threads on second hand books. Or scarves, come to that. So I maintain that it wasn’t an unreasonable assumption that you may have been referring to me when I said I’d want to chuck a book in the bin.

I didn’t shoehorn anything anywhere. The OP asked what people thought about second hand gifts. I said I thought it would depend on who the recipient was. If it was me, I wouldn’t want it. I then got asked to justify myself by more than one poster. I’m perfectly fucking aware the OP wasn’t proposing to buy anyone a flea ridden carpet so don’t ‘ach’ me.

As a pp has said, this thread is relating to second hand gifts, not flea ridden carpets or filthy second hand underwear. I appreciate that growing up with these things must have been extremely difficult, I didn't grow up in particularly amazing circumstances myself but I don't shoehorn that into conversations that aren't even relevant.

Wow. @Sn0tnose shared her views on the topic of second hand gifts adding her personal angle to this thread, which was brave, so no shoehorning here, why ever you would say that but you did shoehorn a bit here yourself 😂.

@Sn0tnose I understand why you don't want secondhand hand. Hope everything else with you is ok 💐

If it looks new, in good condition, and you think they would like it then it's completely fine.
I don't like it when the things look obviously old though, I'd prefer people to say they weren't giving gifts.
For my partners birthday, BIL gave him some vegan truffles, they had expired. When he opened the box they had melted and reformed, plus a bottle of beer that had obviously been in their fridge for years. Scruffy IMO.