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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH LEFT DD (6) ON HER OWN TODAY IN THE HOUSE

116 replies

kerryk · 29/01/2008 13:15

sorry for caps in title

dd1 is of school today with a bad cold, dh is at home (also ill) i went to work and dd2 came with me. i work in a nursery about 40 metres from my house. you come out my door cross the road pass a couple of houses and there you are.

at closing time i told dd to get her coat on as we were about to go home when dh appeared, i asked where dd1 was and he said lying on the couch

i did not want to make a fuss when all the mums were leaving and waited till home to say something, he thinks i am bu, it was for a couple of minutes and only over the road. i his words "whats the worst that could happen"

i think 6 is to young, we stay on a busy road and i was worried that she would get scared and try and cross the road to get to us. i dont think i am being dramatic, i did not think that the house would explode or that someone would snatch her but surley at 6 she should not be left like this.

am i being unreasonable, i know i am to protective of both dd's but i am sure i am right on this one???

OP posts:
Arbensmum · 29/01/2008 13:18

YANBU - i really dont think any kids should be left alon no matter how responsible they may or even if its just for 5 mins! I have known 2 8yr olds and 2 6yr olds been left for 5 minss whilst mother went to shop, i was 5 mins is a long time.

mrsruffallo · 29/01/2008 13:20

I think 40 metres away for a couple of minutes at 6 is okay

Fimbo · 29/01/2008 13:21

I would be angry too. What was his reason for leaving the house?

I once had to leave dd (she thought she was going to throw up) when she was about 8 to go and get ds from playgroup (same distance from my house as you describe) and it was the most distressing thing I have ever gone through.

seeker · 29/01/2008 13:21

I think you are a little - if it really was only a couple of minutes and if she was awake and watching TV or something like that and knew where he was going. If she was asleep then I would worry - she might wake up and be scared, but if she was awake I wouldn't have a problem.

cherryredretrochick · 29/01/2008 13:21

YA so NBU, I think it might actually be illegal but I am not sure, I would have gone bolistic at DH.

Desiderata · 29/01/2008 13:21

A tad over-protective I think, considering the proximity. It depends if she's a young six or an old six, I guess.

SoupDragon · 29/01/2008 13:23

YABU. It was 40m away.

I can be further away from the house in my garden.

Maidamess · 29/01/2008 13:23

I think a 6 year old can be left for a couple of minutes. There must have been other times in the day when you havent been intheir company and they perhaps did not know where you were?

Original poster
kerryk · 29/01/2008 13:23

she is quite grown up for 6 and was scared at all (i asked when i got in)

it really annoyed me though that he left her to come and pick dd2 up when i was there anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
kerryk · 29/01/2008 13:24

was not scared

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 29/01/2008 13:24

Oh dear. A little unreasonable.

Not far and not for long and I'm with your DH what is the worst that could (is likely to) have happened? As long as she knew where he was going and for roughly how long and she was OK with it.

yurt1 · 29/01/2008 13:25

YABU. I do leave my six year old in the house if ds1 is insisting on a walk on the street. I tell ds2 to stay in the house and not open the door. He barely looks up from his DS tbh. He's quite a sensible 6 - he would know not to walk on the road.

seeker · 29/01/2008 13:25

I don't think I understand why you were so worried - what did you think might happen? Why would she be scared if daddy said "I'm just popping to collect your sister - back in a minute?"

OrmIrian · 29/01/2008 13:25

But have to say that I can't see why he had to come out in the circs. I would say OK for emergencies.

PrincessPeahead · 29/01/2008 13:27

if she knew where he was going, and only gone for 5 mins, it is fine I think (assuming you have a relatively sensible 6 yold - depends on the child obviously)

I often leave my 6 yo in the house while I roam the garden - I can be much more than 40m away - 300m or so and I wouldn't be able to hear him if he shouted - happy to do that for 15m or so.

I think they need to learn to be a bit responsible and that sort of way (very close at hand, not away for more than 5-15m) is one way of doing it. And he would be happy to go upstairs to the bathroom, shut the door and have a big dump, so what is the difference really?!!!

Obviously if you had the sort of child who, immediately your back was turned leapt for the matches or started investigating the oven, then you might be more circumspect.

Original poster
kerryk · 29/01/2008 13:30

its just really the road that bothers me, we have 6 workmens vans parked outside just now so its even more difficult to cross the road as you cant see anything. it just seemed like a stupid thing for dh to do.

OP posts:
Niecie · 29/01/2008 13:31

I wouldn't have been too upset tbh although it clearly was a waste of DH time and unnecessary.

I think a 6 yo would be OK for 5 minutes lying on a sofa. Presume that he told her not to open the door or go out. If she was happy to be left then I don't really have a problem.

This type of question comes up from time to time on MN and I think it has been established that it is not illegal to leave a child.

foofi · 29/01/2008 13:32

I think YABU as it was only a couple of minutes and not far away. If the child was not happy being left, that's another matter, but doesn't sound like she was bothered. I think most children respond well to have a bit of independence.

kindersurprise · 29/01/2008 13:33

As long as she was awake and aware where her dad was going, I do not see the problem, tbh

I would leave my DD alone, and she will not be 6yo until April. Not for hours obviously, but I have left her for a few minutes when nipping to the shop, just across the road.

She is very sensible, she knows not to open the door or go out. She starts school in August and after a couple of weeks will walk to school alone.

.

PrincessPeahead · 29/01/2008 13:35

why would she cross the road?
if she was the type of child who would open a door and cross a busy road when told "I'm out for 5 mins, don't move off the sofa unless you need a pee" then I wouldn't have left her. But I don't know many 6 year olds who would leave the house and try and cross a road in that situation, honestly

Fireflyfairy2 · 29/01/2008 13:35

What's difficulty crossing the road got to do with dd staying inside on her own?

My dd is 6 & would be fine left alone for 5 mins, probably longer actually. If I am out checking on the sheep/lambs & she doesn't want to come then she stays in the house & I can be out for up to half an hour!! she either draws, watches tv or watches me in the fields out the window!!

Original poster
kerryk · 29/01/2008 13:35

perhaps i need to stop treating her like my little baby.

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 29/01/2008 13:36

But she knew where he was going, when he would be back, and she wasn't scared at all, so why would she attempt to cross the road? Obviuosly depends on the child but as you mentioned she is grown up and sensible.
If you haven't left her before tho' I understand your panic, but I don't think DH was wrong

OrmIrian · 29/01/2008 13:37

TBH if I never felt I could leave my older 2 at home for five minutes life would be near impossible. Try telling a stroppy DS#1 that he has to come with me to take DD to dancing . Or DD that she has to come while I drop DS#1 at cricket. And that has been the case for a few years. Or they all had to come to the corner shop for some milk (assuming that one of them won't go for me of course)

ineedapoo · 29/01/2008 13:38

YANBU I would be cross she doesn't know how to deal with a fire, a break in etfc