To absolutely HATE Christmas? With good reason

[stitchinguru]

I’m already feeling a huge sense of impending doom.
As I’ve shared on here before, my eldest son (aged 24) died in the early hours of Christmas morning 2019.
Right now, I’d like to hibernate and emerge again sometime in January. Everything from here on in is a huge trigger, and yet I have 2 other children (25 and 17) who deserve some sort of festive season.
AIBU to approach the coming month of two in Grinch mode?

I'm so sorry for your loss, no wonder you feel how you do. Sending my love to all of you

Personally I would set aside a day before or after Xmas, after might be better because more days are free and call it...x s day.
Allow all emotions, talk about him maybe do stuff he enjoyed? Like games or talk about football or whatever, musicals!!

Have a little ritual...

Light a candle.. listen to favourite songs.
Obviously the grief won't ever leave but I think as tome moves on it becomes a nice ritual...that you can continue or leave as time moves on.
I was just thinking though of it continued it would be quite nice for grandchildren to say ...oh we go to grannies for X's day and have Chinese takeaway as that was x favourite food and we always listen to some x then watch b .

Quite a nice tradition that keeps his memo alive but in a way that doesn't cause pain or guilt for enjoying xmasses