to argue with secondary school over sons refusal to go on PGL? Year 8

[CatLover122]

For context he has ADHD and this can mean he can be impulsive, not watching roads etc still is dropped off and collected by me or DH as lots of roads and trial runs led to us having to stop them.

He has never liked being away from home for too long, it’s okay we all go on holiday but when DH has tried to take him away on fishing trips he wants to come back and when I’ve taken him to visit my parents without DH he also wants to come back.

He is a real homebody and whilst he has made a few friends at secondary school, nothing massively substantial despite me taking them out here there and everywhere - Son doesn’t always want to meet up out of school as happy at home or doing activities with us

He didn’t go on the year 5 or 6 school residential and school were very reasonable but a pretty big secondary now where residentials are “ compulsory “

Son is crying and really adamant he is NOT going - WWYD?

As for a friend making thing.

Many people - children and adults - are happy as fuck with having a few close friends rather than having loads of friends for the sake of it.

I mean you wouldn’t be unreasonable not to send him, but children need encouragement to be brave and try new things. What’s the worst / best that could happen? He might surprise you. Having skipped 2 trips already he might be anxious - but it’s good to face our anxieties. He may have fun! School seem confident he can handle it. I’d give it serious consideration.

Well thinking about my DDs trip where her bully pulled her into a pool and held her under the water with her teacher looking on I suppose if another parent hadn't been there and intervened the worst that could have happened was her coming home in a bodybag. Wouldn't I have felt the fool for encouraging her to try it.

Yes I read your post and am sorry your daughter had such a horrible experience. It’s not something you can generalise to all school trips though. Sounds like a lack of proper supervision.
I had a horrible experience as a child getting lost in a supermarket. Doesn’t mean it’s dangerous for all children in Tesco. Just hold their hands.

having read that last email, i would be moving him to another school.
their attitude is all wrong.
they can't all be that bad.
all the best to you and yours.

As a teacher I am absolutely disgusted by that HOY’s response. I would be making a formal complaint.

Why don't you talk to them about making adjustments so he can go? Could he go for the day time only? Is it close enough for you to collect him if he is unhappy? A school that is willing to help with finances for everyone to go is being pretty generous. They obviously feel it is a good opportunity. Discuss it first.

I 'm betting every year, the school encounters parents who exclude their children from residential courses for assorted physical/medical/ dietary /religious reasons. You won't be the only one so just politely tell them NO.

It's ridiculous to present such courses as "compulsory"

The fact that the email from the head of year is so dismissive would just make more worried about him going. No attempt to reassure you or him or to discuss how any adjustments might help support him. Terrible email.

I wouldn't trust a HOY who sent that email with my child's welfare away from home. At heat they are totally clueless, at worst they are deliberately dismissive of parental concerns.

I actually am not sure why they’re so welcoming of offering financial assistance as it’s a really affluent school - I doubt money would be an issue for many there.

It would actually be a stretch for us at £600 for 5 days but it’s the emotional trauma I won’t inflict by forcing something that’s not necessary.

Dear HOY

Your dismissive and glib email of 6th November amounts to discrimination against (DC Name) on grounds of disability as you are refusing to recognise that his specific needs due to his neurodiversity mean that he cannot be forced into a one-size-fits-all plan. It is not in his best interests to be forced into an activity which will trigger serious anxiety issues, and if the school continues to badger and harass him to join the trip I will be taking my complaints about this discriminatory and unprofessional conduct to the highest levels. I will most certainly not be paying any fee and you do not have my consent to take him on this trip, and will not at any point have such consent."

That’s more polite than the email I was planning on sending so I’ll steal that - thank you!

@CatLover122 Did the email work for you? Have they accepted that your son won’t be going?