Children - wasn’t meant to be

[Stressedandtonic]

Kids aren’t on the cards for me & DH due to medical condition/ circumstance does anyone have any witty put downs I can use when asked for the millionth time variants of ?when are you getting pregnant ? AIBU to be fed up of insensitive people constantly overstepping ? Have tried the standard MYOB but it just gets backs up

Mates uses - I can't have children, is that a problem? They quickly back off and run but perhaps that's a bit confrontational but works for her

"When someone gives us the money for IVF & a surrogate?"

"I can't have them, thanks for the painful reminder"

“That’s a very personal question. Why do you ask?”

I told my mum it was none of her business and did she want to know details about my sex life? She was over the top! It has never happened for us but we weren’t too bothered, but my mum was the stereotypical‘When am I getting grandchildren?’ even though she had some already. It’s very annoying when people keep asking.

If it’s someone you care about, do you feel comfortable telling them you can’t?

“I don’t know. How did you predict when you’d have yours?”

I find with comments like this something close to the truth quickly shuts people down. I'm generally not arsed about offending people and can be quite sarcastic a lot of the time. So I am a bit 'breezy' in my delivery. But also make the point.

‘I don’t know, life’s a funny one’

Then change the subject to anything else…

Keep it vague and give nothing away. If they are that intrusive to ask they deserve a non-answer

I’d go with @AlmostAJillSandwich suggestion personally. Hopefully it makes them feel nice and uncomfortable and they’ll piss off and stop asking such rude and insensitive questions. I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with that @Stressedandtonic - it’s shit.

People run a mile when you tell the truth. unfortunately, we can't have children. It makes people uncomfortable.

People are insensitive pricks. I got asked if my husband was a jaffa. Why I bother getting married if I wasn't going to have kids. Don't I want kids. People are clueless.

After my first I got asked if I wanted more. My response was after losing 4 other babies I'm grateful for 1. They quickly shut the fuck up.

What’s a Jaffa?

Genuine question and hopefully you don't mind me asking! Id never ask anyone when are you getting pregnant after a long time of infertility. I was lucky and got my babies in the end. People will always ask if you have kids though, is that an offensive and intrusive question? Just in general chit chat when you meet someone, it always comes up. Or is it the when are you getting pregnant that's the problem?

I used to answer 'hopefully one day' and that usually stopped people asking!

'Well my life is pretty amazing right now, so I don't really want to fuck it up' - worked for me

A jaffa orange is seedless.......being called a jaffa implies that the dh is infertile

'Please don't pry'.

Are you asking for the details of my sex live or my medical history?

I think you should just tell them that's a very personal question and you don't want to answer. Why are people so rude?

My response when asked such intrusive questions was along the lines of

Why are you asking about my sex life?
It's usually people whose own is inadequate who exhibit such interest in others. Have you tried counselling? Therapy?

You only like it in the bum / that will embarrass them

Don't want to bring children into this shitty world with shitty people like you - that's a showstopper

Uch children- simple

No thanks, while other people may think doing the school run in the pissing rain, with no sleep and wearing yesterdays clothes I'd rather be sipping cocktails on a beach thanks - not bad

..and wreck this body, I think not - what can they say to that

I'd rather have shit in my hands and clap - classic

I need my beauty sleep - damn right you do

Me and DH ARE ALREADY a family - FACT

Love this!!
Wish l had been brave enough to use it when random people would tell me l need to have another child so dd wasn't an only.
Wasn't for lack of trying or wanting.

I'm always amazed at how people think that question is acceptable. Even with very close friends I wait for them to discuss if they want to. They have no idea what they are potentially dealing with.

Personally I'd say something along the lines of 'Is this still a thing in 2022?'. We seem to have made so much progress with people living less conventional lives but this persists. Pronatalism at its finest.

I have a friend who is constantly asking people when they are getting married. That's not everyone's goal for whatever reason. It's just people projecting happy ever afters on you.

I usually go with "god, no. Can't stand children"

Have a similar response for when people ask me if I'm married yet.

I've used variations of this on more occasions than I care to count ("do you often ask for stranger's medical history?" In response to one nosey parker asking about my appearance; it's a multi-purpose comeback)

Alternatively "children are far too much like hard work for not enough reward"

"I've been advised by my doctors not to have children"

Whilst at a wedding reception my wife and I were asked this by a couple who I could only describe as enthusiastic new parents. We kept saying no and trying to move the conversation on but they persisted. Eventually we had to tell them that due to cancer treatment having children wasn't an option for us anymore. After an awkward silence came the crushing line, "well you could always adopt."
Our jaws hit the floor. This was the best part of 10 years ago and to this day neither of us can think of a sharp or witty retort if that same line is said to us again.

Tip from my friend who is childless by choice:

Stare fixedly at their left ear and say "God did not send them". Most people back off rapidly at this point apparently.