Children - wasn’t meant to be

[Stressedandtonic]

Kids aren’t on the cards for me & DH due to medical condition/ circumstance does anyone have any witty put downs I can use when asked for the millionth time variants of ?when are you getting pregnant ? AIBU to be fed up of insensitive people constantly overstepping ? Have tried the standard MYOB but it just gets backs up

If only

😆

Could take inspiration from a pp too with:
"I've been advised by my doctors psychiatrist to have children"

That's an ancient term for ''Seedless orange''... Do Jaffa oranges still exist?

It's absolutely none of anyone else's business if a couple decide to have children or not.

One woman when DS was doing a school project was so patient and helpful that I asked if she had any children { She seemed a natural}

Turned out she was unable {as of that time} as had had an ectopic pregnancy.
The look of sadness on her face when I'd asked, I vowed not to ever mention children to anyone again, unless they volunteered info.

Say we don't want them, your personal stuff is no one's business. X

This 100% this. Wide eyed. Creepily as possible so they are so weirded out. They will go away confused and never ask again!

We’re parents now who were told for years that the odds are stacked against us. The amount of unsolicited advice when sharing the truth or insensitive comments when not - was particularly unhelpful. Good luck xx

I can’t have kids (failed ivf, multiple miscarriages).

I don’t mind people asking ‘do you have kids’ as long as when I say ‘no’ they leave it at that and don’t ask why/when etc.

And it’s also not something you have to ask, it’s just idle small talk.

Yes, I did the same, especially about whether we were having a second. ‘I don’t know, I’ve just had my third miscarriage’ tended to do the trick.

But we had it before the first as well and that was tough after ivf failures. On one occasion I teared up and walked off and left DH to deal with it. The husband of the couple apologised. Hopefully neither of them did it to other people afterwards.
I’d practise a couple of phrases and use them as appropriate- the more blunt one to be used for those who need to hear it.

My ex used to say, oh we love kids, but we couldn’t eat a whole one! That generally shuts people up.

I really wouldn't do sarcastic or clever put downs. I wouldn't answer the question but I'd tell the person that that's a very personal question and that asking questions like that could really upset someone.
I'd add that you are surprised they didn't realise it.

I'd not be embarrassed about it.

i'm sorry you are in this situation but i think telling the truth is the way to go. the sooner everyone knows you are unable to have children due to medical reasons the sooner they will stop asking and speculating.

Just side eye their own children and say “Well we thought about it but some children make life look absolutely horrendous and we’d rather enjoy ours”

I agree with PP, a simple “we can’t” should shut them up. Also if it’s gossipy people asking who know each other, hopefully word will get round pretty quickly and you won’t need to say it more than once or twice.

If you want to go funny / sarcastic I love the one about God, and ‘do you want to know about my sex life of medical history?’ both guaranteed to shut anyone up!!

I would say “I didn’t ask when you are going to stop having children so why are you so interested in when I’m going to start?”.

25 years ago I worked in a pub. Every day one of the regulars would ask me when I was going to 'have babies'. and every day I would say 'I can't have children Brian.' I was also single at the time having been chucked by my boyfriend for my best friend. He knew this. IT NEVER STOPPED HIM.

It was boring and tiresome. And cruel. And unkind. Every. Fucking. Day.

God, he was a total twat.

People are thoughtless and shitty.

"When are you going to mind your own business?"

Babies don't always come to order.

We went through 7 years of trying, including a few unsuccessful IVF treatments. It also split up my relationship.
People who matter have been so supportive, but to others, I tell them I like sleep, light coloured furniture, and nice holidays. It’s none of their fucking business.

Answer: "Why do you want to know?"

Thanks there’s some good ones here. Some people really do overstep on this one, it gets tiring after a while.

You could channel Ricky Gervais: "God no, children are nothing but spongers".

For all manner of intrusive questions, I reply: "the less said about that the better!"

I can't believe shoobydoobybop how insensitive these guys were. Ffs how rude.i have dc but would never think of asking something like this.either people can not have dc or don't want children. Either way none of their beeswax

The older I get, the more direct I get. I never would have dreamed of saying something like this in the past, but these days I'd say "that's rather a personal question, don't you think?" and let them know. We've all said or asked the wrong thing, sometimes it's good for someone to let you know you were out of line.

The thing is, the truth only elicits more hurtful comments.

So, so many times I'd explain I can't have children, when asked.

But then comes:

"Have you thought about adoption?"
"Oh that's sad, I totally understand, it took me 3 months of trying to have my little Lola."
"Well, my aunt Mavis's hairdresser was told she couldn't have kids but she had sex on her head while eating pineapple and then she had twins!"
"IVF is good isn't it? Could you try that?"

And the worst:
"Well you never know, it might happen one day!"

So now when I'm asked, I tell them it's a very personal question and I leave it at that. I don't care that they're uncomfortable, they shouldn't ask, I never have.

It's very easy to know if someone has kids, at some point they'll be mentioned!

I usually say that fortunately I have been blessed with no children. I then look at them with a head tilt and sympathy and ask 'tell me, why did you have children?'