AIBU to think when staying in hotel should not go down to breakfast in pyjamas

[waltty]

Last night stayed overnight in a City Centre hotel and a family all came down to breakfast wearing their pyjamas,looking like they had all jumped out of bed , it was 9am so still had time to shower and dress before breakfast finished , AIBU to think this is not appropriate

YANBU it’s not on.

Breakfast in pyjamas at home is fine.
Anywhere else no.

Tbh I’m shocked that someone would do that

I saw two young women at breakfast in a city centre hotel about ten years ago in their pj's.
They then went outside and stood on the pavement to smoke. They struck me at the time as attention seeking.

I definitely wouldn’t do it, and I do get where people are coming from regarding standards. It definitely looks lax.

However, I don’t really like the way some posters seem to think it’s the law to shower in the morning. As it happens, I do shower every morning without fail. This is because I do sweat. (Am defo not Prince Andrew.) But, for example, my husband often showers at night instead. He is a very non-smelly person and doesn’t need to shower again in the morning. So he’s not really going to be any cleaner whichever set of attire he wears. So I think the comments about expecting everyone showered and dressed are unreasonable. Dressed is fine.

Also think it’s fine and normal to brush teeth after hotel breakfast. Otherwise everything tastes weird, and you’d surely still need to brush them again after eating anyway?

People doing this will be the minority. They fall into one of several categories;

• Unaware of the social norms in different settings. Perhaps they haven’t regularly been to hotels or somehow not noticed people wear day clothes to breakfast. It is surprising how many people just haven’t been very exposed to all kinds of social situations and don’t know what to wear for them. Other examples are those who have no idea what to wear to an interview, to a funeral, a wedding, places with formal or informal dress codes - it’s often simply lack of experience.
• Those who know the norms, but who want to make a point and be different - in a sort of anti-establishment kind of minor protest way. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what the issue is; it’s just an objection to any kind of rule or sociall l norm, in the sense of wanting to do your own thing for the sake of it. Other similar examples are people who do the school run in PJs and slippers and go into chat to the teacher like that - it’s a way of showing you have no respect for that person - usually done deliberately. It would be similar to choosing to turn up deliberately late and keeping people waiting - to suggest you are important as you can do it, and they are at your beck and call. Some of these people would like to be challenged about their attire so they could then be confrontational. Some would choose to do it even if there were signs asking them not to, or if they were asked not to. It can be a piddly little act of defiance, often arising from having very limited control over bigger things in life: a way to feel some kind of power. Usually will be justified as personal expression or similar, but is actually done to be annoying.

As others have noted, this kind of thing is becoming more widespread. On one level it indicates gradually shifting social norms and society becoming less rigid. On another level, it shows that increasingly some people don’t understand social norms and expectations because they haven’t been exposed to them. More concerning is probably the growing amount of people who have zero interest in considering others, but who actively choose to do things that might make others feel uncomfortable.

That’s rather an over-zealous analysis of a small thing; but it’s actually reflective of wider things in society and whilst can be just about PJs is also about other underlying stuff. No doubt some people will laugh at this idea....but actually most of our actions are underpinned by attitudes we have to social norms, consideration for ourself, for others and authority.

This is a hard no for me, it's grim, i dont know how this has become a thing. It's a hotel, not your kitchen. I dunno who wants to get breakfast in their PJs in front of a room full of strangers. I think it's bloody weird if I'm honest. I've no problem with someone throwing on a hoodie and sweatpants, even over last nights undies and no shower, but actual PJs and slippers? behave.

Screams laziness.

But someone wearing clothes to dinner in the evening probably hasn't changed their underwear since the morning. What's the difference?

As for bras... who are you to decide which woman must wear one? You're coming across as quite the twat.

I’m so surprised at all the people who wouldn’t be bothered. I think it’s slobby. I’m not a snob but basic get up , wash and get dressed before you go anywhere in public would seem to be a minimum surely !

I think in reality most people would raise an eyebrow.

YANBU
I think it's common and scruffy.
I wouldn't be happy being in the dining room with people in their jimjams.

The washing thing is a separate issue.

None of us generally know if someone has showered that morning. There are a wide range of washing patterns from daily morning shower, to evening daily bath, every other day patterns, strip wash etc etc - loads of MN threads on this. Honestly, I don’t think anyone can really say it is a rule or even a social norm to shower every morning. You can’t tell in a hotel of those dressed showered before they came down, did do last night, will do so after breakfast or not for another week. But you can see if they are wearing day clothes into the public place or not.

What would we say about people turning up at work in PJs? Walking the dog in the morning? Coming home from work and getting comfy in PJs and then going out to a restaurant later in them? Attending parents’ evening in them? Going to to an evening club or class in them? Most wouldn’t think of doing these things and would be in day clothes or clothes suited a particular activity. PJs in particular are associated with bed and private space. They aren’t for public wear. As others have said, a hotel breakfast isn’t the same as breakfast at home.

I agree.

Sadly I'm not shocked.
I used to work in a 4 star hotel and occasionally this would happen sometimes. It was embarrassing for the guest though when it did, but the point is it's embarrassing for everyone else too. There's a time and a place. 🙄

Do as I do and have nightwear that is so similar to your daywear that no one can tell for sure . . . :)

It’s noticeable that although a few people think it’s okay, but more say they wouldn’t be bothered bIt wouldn’t do it themselves, but most think it’s just not right.

Its not the norm in our society. If it were, some of the people doing it would lose interest in it. It’s attention seeking behaviour for some people. It’s making a public suggestion that 2 minutes ago they were in bed and the other hotel guests don’t warrant the kind of consideration that means 4 minutes to get dressed. It’s a public suggestion that only they count.

But again your post is missing a group out, deliberately or otherwise. The people who just want to quietly get on with their breakfast/day in the way that best suits them and aren't interested in putting on a performance for others or what random strangers (who they are not disturbing or upsetting in any way) might think of their attire.

Despite the seeming unshakeable notion in your posts that everybody does everything based on what other people will think about it, believe it or not some people don't? I'm sure you love hearing other adults claim that they know more than you do about what you think and how you feel just as much as the rest of us, so why do it?

I don't eat breakfast in hotel dining rooms since the buffet style became the norm (and for reasons far more revolting than the sight of a completely unremarkable adult in a pair of clean pyjamas), but if I did then I would decide what I was going to wear regardless, and the sort of people who would throw up their hands in horror at the sight of a woman in a t-shirt, cotton trousers and slippers are not people whose views I have any interest in. I might be going back to bed after breakfast, apart from anything else (and I might also have slept in my clothes after a long day working and just put the pyjamas on - it wouldn't be the first time).

I don’t think it would upset most people. As others have said, most would raise an eyebrow ...and move on and forget it. Most have also said they’d find it inappropriate.

I suppose the question is whether everyone should feel they can do exactly what they want in any public situation, or if there are social norms that should be observed?

Apologies @WombatChocolate ; I've quoted a different post to the one I was replying to (which is further up).

My only benchmark is not behaving in a way that would likely disturb others - making a noise or smelling bad, for example (including things like having a mobile ringing/beeping or wearing a lot of fragrance), but also starting unwelcome conversations. Wearing clothes of any kind - with the exception maybe of something with very offensive language or symbols on it - is not on that list.

Embarrassing. How sad they think that is appropriate. Nasty.

All these people going on about coming down unwashed and not brushing your teeth - I always thought everyone brushed their teeth as soon they got up and then again after breakfast and then after every thing you ate- until I stayed at a B&B years back with a friend who saw me do just that and told me I was very strange for brushing my teeth before breakfast as it would taste minty and that brushing after every meal isn't normal either. So apparently I'm the only person who takes a toothbrush to work.........

Should totally be allowed. Each to their own. No different to sitting in the bar in your dressing gown when you’re at a spa.

I would do a double take and probably think ‘wow, good for them!’ and not really care any more than that. I can’t really see why I’m supposed to get worked up about it… or indeed think about their underwear and how long they might have been wearing it?! Imagine devoting that much brain space to worrying about a stranger’s underpants.

I would always get dressed for a hotel breakfast, definitely not go down in my PJs, but depending on what I had planned for afterwards, I might just throw on some clothes and then shower properly after breakfast. I thought loads of people did that. But then this is Mumsnet where anything other than freshly-showered within the past few hours is ‘grim’ so I don’t know why I’m surprised.

Very different. At a spa, everyone is dressed in gymwear, swimwear or dressing gowns - that's the dress code for the public environment. It's like having a drink by the pool on holiday in your swimwear.

Nightwear is not the dress code for a hotel dining room.