… about the car lights?

[Lindalightson]

NC because I don’t want the world to know the extent of my and DP’s petty squabbles. 😀

DP and I share a car. There’s an setting for the headlights, so they come on automatically as it gets dark or in low-light situations.

I always leave the lights on automatic, so I don’t have to think about them. DP has started turning them off. I asked if he could leave them on automatic, so I wouldn’t accidentally drive off in the dark with no lights. He said he couldn’t. I asked why. He said it’s just the way he was brought up (!).

I asked him why he couldn’t do this for me, as I couldn’t see what difference it would make to him. He said if I mentioned it again, he’d get out of the car and I could drive home. FINE! I said. And so he did. And so I did. And when I got home, I left the lights on the automatic setting, just to show him.

Leaving aside the ridiculous pettiness of our argument, who is BU about the lights?

I don’t have my lights or wipers on automatic setting, I like to be charge of the car not the other way round.

I have everything on automatic. It's there to make your life easier. Does your husband think the lights will stay on if he leaves them on auto? He knows they don't, right?

He needs to re-educate himself. Just like he knows you don't need a key to unlock the door anymore.

I assume it's both just a preference you have. Leave the lights how you like it and he do the same and move on.

Automatic lights ,automatic wipers ,auto dimming rear view mirror . All nice little luxuries

It would be understandable if he had a good reason

Automatic lights won't normally come on in fog. So you can't be seen.

Surely as a driver you can tell if your lights aren't on? If one of you wants them on auto, one of you doesn't then surely you can just put them onto your preferred setting when you get into the car? Not sure why it became a problem!

But... how could you accidentally drive off in the dark with no lights?

I like my lights on all the time.

Driving home today, grey road, grey sky, grey rain, grey car with no lights on. On the motorway with lots of spray.

I dont know whats wrong with people

Do they automatically put the rear lights on too? Do you still scan your dashboard to ensure the computer has automatically put them on rather than just assuming?

@SpookyMcGhoul But isn’t the whole point of the automatic setting that you don’t have to do that? If I leave the lights on automatic and DP turns them off when he’s finished driving, that’s an extra, unnecessary step for him. I just don’t understand!

@Pixiedust1234 If I’m driving and it suddenly feels a bit gloomy or I drive into a tunnel, I do check that the lights have come on.

Automatic lights aren't infallible. I followed a dark car up a dual carriageway for a couple of miles, it was almost invisible. I caught up with it at the lights and managed to let the driver know his lights weren't on. He said he had them on automatic...

If you live in a street lit area it’s very easy to drive off in the dark with no lights on. I’ve done it before!

Was coming on to say that the person who thought no one could possibly drive off without turning lights on must be a non-driver. When you're in town and the lighting is decent it's very easy to drive away without the lights on. You only notice when you hit an unlit road.

That's why car designers invented the automatic option, which I use. I think your DP is being very unreasonable, OP. He could just do nothing, instead he's going out of his way to make life a little bit more complicated for you. I don't think it's a good sign.

Same thing here i leave on automatic , dh turns off
Why ? Let the car decide

Well at least having had this row about it you probably wont forget to check they're on in future OP, so that's something! I do understand where you're coming from in terms of your logic vs his but I'm going to have to say YABU because you're both entitled to do things 'your way' but you're the only one complaining about it and trying to get him to come round to your way of thinking, he's not complaining that you leave the lights on auto is he? Just make it a habit to check before you drive away, no different to putting your seatbelt on etc, no need to fall out about it surely?

It's up to the driver to ensure the lights are on.
Of you fail to do so, that's your fault.

YANBU to ask him to leave them on auto, but YABU to blame him if you family to ensure the lights are on.

I made the comment about knowing your lights are on - I'm not a non driver! I check my dash board when I turn my car on which shows they're on too out of habit - my driving instructor told me to do this at night, and also check the little toggle is on auto when I get in. It's just habit!

Auto settings are definitely helpful - but my point was if one wants them off and the other on, surely you just both make sure it's on the setting you'd prefer when setting off it the car and it quickly becomes a habit 🤷🏻‍♀️

My last Focus didn't have auto lights. But the dash lights lit up so it seemed like your lights were on. Stupid design.

Auto lights are designed to be left on. Your husband is a plank (way he was brought up? Yep, plank).

Neither of you are being particularly unreasonable.
I'm with your dh - brought up you should always turn everything off when you get out of the car so your battery isn't trying to cope with turning all the electrical things on before your engine is on - but I can see it isn't your preference.
The driving off without your lights on is ridiculous though. Of course it is the driver's responsibility to make sure they can be seen on a gloomy day, or after dark.
Maybe you do need to get in the habit of being in charge of the car, and not relying on a computer to do things for you.

Was coming on to say that the person who thought no one could possibly drive off without turning lights on must be a non-driver. When you're in town and the lighting is decent it's very easy to drive away without the lights on. You only notice when you hit an unlit road.

I've been driving 40 years and live on a very busy road in a big City. It really isn't easy to drive off without putting your lights on when it is dark if you are a competent driver. It is something you automatically do like putting your seatbelt on, adjusting the seat or the mirror, or checking the windscreen is clear - all things any driver should be doing before releasing the handbrake.

We had a situation where we had to jump start one car from the other one, then for various logistical reasons I had to swap and take DH car home while he drove mine around to charge the batteries.

I hate driving his car and am a nervous driver. His car didn't have great charge on the battery either so we left the engines on while we swapped drivers. However he still saw fit to turn the bloody headlights off when he got out of his car (apparently he was worried I'd stall it getting in????). I had no idea at all why everyone was beeping at me all the way home because it was absolutely not apparent that some moron had turned the headlamps off before I drove off.

Now we have an EV so we know how much is in the battery and never have to worry about the lights

This is why i don’t like the way cars have so much automatic - it makes drivers not take responsibility

He probably had a car years ago that had the battery go flat when the lights were left on. Ask him to explain. But tbh is it the end of the world to have a quick look when you get in the car? If you know he does it, you know to look.

@billyt

"Auto lights are designed to be left on. Your husband is a plank (way he was brought up? Yep, plank)."

THEY DON'T COME ON IN THE FOG.

I’d hope anyone driving in fog would have the gumption to check their lights were on.