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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would I be mean to give inlaws the crappy gift?

82 replies

Christmasiscomingthe · 05/11/2022 13:39

Earlier in the year I bought 5 of the same Christmas gifts for inlaws, my family, grandparents, aunts and uncles. They were on sale and 90% off.

I really like the item and want to keep one for myself, but if I do that my inlaws will have nothing for Christmas and DH will buy them a box of chocolates or biscuits and call it a day.

Inlaws have been pretty spiteful to me and I don't really want them to have the gift now I realised I wouldn't be able to keep one for myself.

Wibu to just unwrap it and keep it and let dh spend £5 (which is more than the gift was if you could believe it) on a box of chocolates and take the awkwardness?

ps

Dh was left in charge of gifts for his side one year and got everyone a chocolate orange each, it was pretty embarrassing receiving nice gifts and giving back a £1 gift. But he didn't seem to care. he brought thoughtful gifts for his grandparents so I think it may have been intentional but he never said and I never asked. I was wriggling in my seat but said nothing) it was assumed I did this as the woman.

There have been numerous problems with inlaws in the past which make me feel like they deserve the nice gift less than aunts and uncles we see less often.

I also feel like it wouldn't matter because they are unlikely to ever even know unless dh or the children some how spill the beans. She knows the family and may chat about gifts but its not that likely as we usually do separate visits.

To buy myself a similar one would cost roughly 25 quid extra. I can't afford that. especially when I have 5 in the house already.

I know its not a big deal in the grand scheme. I suppose I just want someone to tell me to keep it!

OP posts:
Christmasiscomingthe · 05/11/2022 13:40

I suppose it doesn't matter either way but the gift was a pretty throw, I bought several in different colours with matching coasters to the colours.

OP posts:
hannonle · 05/11/2022 13:40

Keep it!

WaddleAway · 05/11/2022 13:41

I just want to know what it is! Can’t think of anything that would constitute a really nice gift that suits a large variety of different people with presumably different tastes so I’m intrigued! Keep it if you want it though.

WaddleAway · 05/11/2022 13:41

Ah just saw your update. Keep it if you want it. You bought it!

Anewuser · 05/11/2022 13:41

Definitely keep it.

Imogensmumma · 05/11/2022 13:42

Keep it

Waitingfordecember · 05/11/2022 13:43

Keep it! If they are spiteful towards you they don’t deserve a nice gift anyway.

NoSkiing · 05/11/2022 13:44

Keep it. If your DH only wants to spend £1 then that’s a huge statement from him and let him do that.

Bestcatmum · 05/11/2022 13:45

Yes absolutely keep it and sod the miserable inlaws. I've got no time for horrible people.

Vebrithien · 05/11/2022 13:46

Keep it! It's your 'payment' for being organised and doing the wifework

Does DH get you a nice, thoughtful present? If so, a crappy present from him to them says all he needs to say. Make sure to drop into the conversation that DH chose their present specially for them! And of course, keep it.

If not, and DH is King of thoughtless presents, then your IL don't deserve something that cost more thought than your DH puts into your presents. Keep it, as a consolation prize

Either way.

Keep it!

Quinque · 05/11/2022 13:47

Definitely keep it. If they are anything like my late MIL the gift will be put away neatly and kept for a special occasion that never occurs, and you will be left mourning it and wondering why they never use it.

Luckynumbereight · 05/11/2022 13:49

Keeeeeeeeep itttttttttttt

LBFseBrom · 05/11/2022 13:51

Why do you want to keep the throw when you already have several. I wonder how the in laws have been mean to you.

I'd say give them the throw. There will be other sales of such things.

Christmasiscomingthe · 05/11/2022 13:51

I do feel a bit bad because I know (well I think) it's to their taste.

I think I will keep it, I definitely like the idea of it being a reward for being organised! forget the fact that I haven't started on the kids yet!

Woohoo the only thread in the history of mumsnet to go the posters desired way!

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 05/11/2022 13:52

Keep it and buy them a tin of roses instead.

Notanotherwindow · 05/11/2022 13:52

Keep it. Fuck em, they'll slag you off either way.

frazzledasarock · 05/11/2022 13:54

Keep it and let your DH deal with his side of the family.

he clearly is not buying crappy gifts because he’s thoughtless, you said his gifts to his grandparents were thoughtful.

so let him buy for his aside of the family.

and don’t squirm or feel upset. In fact go oooh I was wondering what that was, I didn’t get to see it before DH wrapped it.

frazzledasarock · 05/11/2022 13:55

LBFseBrom · 05/11/2022 13:51

Why do you want to keep the throw when you already have several. I wonder how the in laws have been mean to you.

I'd say give them the throw. There will be other sales of such things.

She meant she had several as gifts for family.

Vebrithien · 05/11/2022 13:55

Christmasiscomingthe · 05/11/2022 13:51

I do feel a bit bad because I know (well I think) it's to their taste.

I think I will keep it, I definitely like the idea of it being a reward for being organised! forget the fact that I haven't started on the kids yet!

Woohoo the only thread in the history of mumsnet to go the posters desired way!

😆😆😆

Incidentally, if you need some help and ideas for the kids Christmas presents (and aren't on there already), come and join us on the Christmas bargain threads. Currently on thread 9 (finger stockings).

maddy68 · 05/11/2022 13:56

I want to know what it is?.

frazzledasarock · 05/11/2022 13:57

And for the future I’d not bother myself for people who treat me badly. Leave all gifts, Christmas/birthdays anything else to your DH.

you sort out your side of the family.

Vebrithien · 05/11/2022 13:58

Bargain thread 9

mycatisannoying · 05/11/2022 13:58

Give it to them. A chocolate orange is an insult and embarrassment, so there is some making up to do.

OutDamnedSpot · 05/11/2022 14:04

I’m really confused. You bought five different sets of people the same thing?

I always thought that part of the point / joy of gift buying was to think about what individuals might want, to buy something personal to them?

Is this how people have finished their shopping already? Buying in bulk?

Notacompetitiveundereater · 05/11/2022 14:11

Keep it if you want it. Personally I’d do no gift before I sat there as a grown up handing over a chocolate orange though. That’s toe curling.