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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would I be mean to give inlaws the crappy gift?

82 replies

Christmasiscomingthe · 05/11/2022 13:39

Earlier in the year I bought 5 of the same Christmas gifts for inlaws, my family, grandparents, aunts and uncles. They were on sale and 90% off.

I really like the item and want to keep one for myself, but if I do that my inlaws will have nothing for Christmas and DH will buy them a box of chocolates or biscuits and call it a day.

Inlaws have been pretty spiteful to me and I don't really want them to have the gift now I realised I wouldn't be able to keep one for myself.

Wibu to just unwrap it and keep it and let dh spend £5 (which is more than the gift was if you could believe it) on a box of chocolates and take the awkwardness?

ps

Dh was left in charge of gifts for his side one year and got everyone a chocolate orange each, it was pretty embarrassing receiving nice gifts and giving back a £1 gift. But he didn't seem to care. he brought thoughtful gifts for his grandparents so I think it may have been intentional but he never said and I never asked. I was wriggling in my seat but said nothing) it was assumed I did this as the woman.

There have been numerous problems with inlaws in the past which make me feel like they deserve the nice gift less than aunts and uncles we see less often.

I also feel like it wouldn't matter because they are unlikely to ever even know unless dh or the children some how spill the beans. She knows the family and may chat about gifts but its not that likely as we usually do separate visits.

To buy myself a similar one would cost roughly 25 quid extra. I can't afford that. especially when I have 5 in the house already.

I know its not a big deal in the grand scheme. I suppose I just want someone to tell me to keep it!

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 05/11/2022 14:16

Wait, you’ve already wrapped your Christmas presents??

LikeTearsInRain · 05/11/2022 14:19

Keep it.

If DH buys them crap and they make a comment about it, say that DH was the one who chose what to get his loving parents who raised him. You don’t have to feel bad about it at all.

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/11/2022 14:46

your husband ought to be ashamed of himself buying a chocolate orange as a gift

disgraceful and PATHETIC

LongLostTeacher · 05/11/2022 15:11

Keep it.

I also want to point out that perhaps your DH wasn’t squirming because he knew everyone would think it was you who was stingy with the gifts. I wouldn’t let him off with that and before they are dished out I would say something about looking forward to seeing what the gifts are because DH did the shopping this year.

purser25 · 05/11/2022 15:40

Could you buy a cheap throw in a market charity shop or primark.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 05/11/2022 15:43

Imo let dh buy for his family. Whatever that may be! Mil once insisted she had a certain gift. I spent a whole load of time getting it. She didn't even want to see us over actual Xmas. Instead tell dh they would exchange gifts in a supermarket car park in the week before Christmas. ! She never even text me a thank you! Was the last thing I ever bought her.. Been nc since the January after!

Bywayofanupdate · 05/11/2022 15:48

Keep it. My husband buys his family's gifts but I'm always to blame when they're sh*tty! As the wife 🙈 just makes not want to buy them anything ever!

uncomfortablydumb53 · 05/11/2022 15:51

Definitely keep it
Whatever it costs is too much, if they are disrespectful to you

ManefesationofConciousness · 05/11/2022 15:51

Any generic 90% off gift is likely to be crap

Gifts shouls be thoughtful and personal or dont bother

You are doing them a favour by not gifting

Scrambledeggsontoasted · 05/11/2022 15:53

Keep it.

I've never bought my in laws a gift ever. DH gets them. They're frequently shit and 9 out of 10 times late. But they raised him to have that attitude to gift giving, so what comes around goes around I say.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 05/11/2022 15:58

Ha, thinking about the chocolate orange reminded me that my MIL once gave all four of her children a storage box for Christmas. They all got her thoughtful gifts. So weird

ahunf · 05/11/2022 16:03

What have they done that makes your husband think it's ok to spend £2.50 on each parent for Christmas?

PinkSyCo · 05/11/2022 16:09

Keep it, but don’t come moaning to us when you’re in-laws start giving you cheap chocolate for Christmas. 🤷🏻‍♀️

EL8888 · 05/11/2022 16:17

mycatisannoying · 05/11/2022 13:58

Give it to them. A chocolate orange is an insult and embarrassment, so there is some making up to do.

That was her husband, not her

Keep it. Leave your husband to do the wife work / buying of his own families Christmas presents

Theunamedcat · 05/11/2022 16:31

Keep it make comments about being excited to see what DH has bought them this year

EscapeTheCastle · 05/11/2022 17:03

I'm going to be the only reply to say give it to them. Why?

Every time you see this item in your house you'll be reminded that it was the thing you should have given as a gift. The embarrassment will come flooding back - "DH gave them a box of Matchmakers instead of this??! Nooooooooooo!!"

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/11/2022 17:19

Keep it. They may not even want it and you do.
Leave presents to DH. He's set the bar so low last year than anything he gives this year will be a step up. But make sure everyone knows upfront that the present is from him
It may inspire all of them to stop giving xmas gifts to the adults apart from food items and that is the Christmas shopping problems solved. Kids should always get presents.

NoNamesLeft234678 · 05/11/2022 17:21

You could always get them a cheaper version and keep the one you have

pewtypie · 05/11/2022 17:39

Keep it but the fact that the in laws give you and DH nice gifts makes me want to hear their side of the story.

I don’t believe they’re spiteful to you without provocation from you or DH, especially as your DH gave them a chocolate orange.

I hope you and DH both get £1 selection boxes from them.

Notacompetitiveundereater · 05/11/2022 18:15

NoNamesLeft234678 · 05/11/2022 17:21

You could always get them a cheaper version and keep the one you have

I don’t think you can get a throw cheaper than two pounds which is what this cost it seems. But yes going back to see if the seller has any more would be an idea.

Tarragon123 · 05/11/2022 18:34

ahunf · 05/11/2022 16:03

What have they done that makes your husband think it's ok to spend £2.50 on each parent for Christmas?

I've seen them for a pound each in previous years!

Notthetoothfairy · 05/11/2022 18:51

Get them a cheap Amazon bargain instead

Christmasiscomingthe · 05/11/2022 19:32

Vebrithien · 05/11/2022 13:58

Thanks!!!! I love Christmas 🎄

OP posts:
Lunificent · 05/11/2022 19:37

If they are spiteful to you, then it’s a no brainier. Keep it.

pewtypie · 05/11/2022 20:51

Christmasiscomingthe · 05/11/2022 19:32

Thanks!!!! I love Christmas 🎄

Except for reciprocating decent Christmas gifts to people who give you nice presents.