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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not ban my friends from smoking on my deck ?

93 replies

Tigertigertigertiger · 04/11/2022 21:18

I’ll explain.
I live in the lower flat of a converted semi detached house with a retired couple living in the flat above.

I have a small deck with garden chairs out my front door - directly above it the neighbours have a small balcony - half my deck is covered by their balcony which is great as I can sit outside If it’s raining and stay dry.

I don’t smoke but two of my friends do ( cigarettes, not hash ) and when they visit (a few times a year) if they want to smoke they go out onto the deck.

my upstairs neighbours have asked me not to let anyone smoke on the deck because they can smell it if they are on their balcony.

I think my neighbours are being unreasonable .
Please can I have your opinions

YABU - you should not let your friends smoke outside on the deck
YANBU - your neighbours should not be dictating the smoking rules in your property .

OP posts:
ProFannyTea · 04/11/2022 21:20

Do you own or rent? Do you want to get on with your neighbours?

Hesma · 04/11/2022 21:22

I don’t think they’re being unreasonable tbh

Mosaic123 · 04/11/2022 21:23

It would be considerate to your neighbours if you get your friends to smoke in the front of the property.

It would be appreciated by your neighbours.

OnTheBoardwalk · 04/11/2022 21:23

Do you own the flat? If not what does it say on the lease?

I live in a semi and next door smokes like a chimney in the bedroom next to mine with the window open which means I can smell the smoke all day and night

nothing I can do they have the right to smoke in their own house, I just accept this

Aquamarine1029 · 04/11/2022 21:24

Cigarette smoke is so disgusting, I'm surprised you want to subject anyone to it.

lifeinthehills · 04/11/2022 21:25

They've asked for consideration. You can give it to them or you can choose not to. You're in your rights to let your friends smoke out there, but it is imposing on others and spoiling their enjoyment of their property. Is this is a regular thing or once every few months? If the neighbours are complaining, it's probably regular.

No-one smokes on my property. They can take it to the street. That prevents anyone who doesn't want to inhale the second hand smoke to avoid it.

OnTheBoardwalk · 04/11/2022 21:25

Also do the smokers chat? That can be disturbing as well

smokers in my house are asked to smoke outside but they are quiet as chatting noise carries at night

popcorncandy · 04/11/2022 21:25

It's a few times a year and you have the right to enjoy your house as do your guests. If you were a chain smoker I'd sympathise more with your neighbours but no, yanbu to let your friends smoke when they visit.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 04/11/2022 21:26

If its only occasionally i think they just have to deal don't they. Its not continuous.

cimena · 04/11/2022 21:27

If it’s a few times a year I just don’t think I could let someone be that fussy about it, neighbour or no neighbour. Thin end of the wedge and all that.

If it’s regular then I might be nice and tell people to try to smoke further away. But I would consider that being nice rather than something I had to do.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 04/11/2022 21:28

If it’s only a few times a year, they are being ridiculous to even have mentioned it. They shouldn’t be living in a flat above other people if they can’t cope with other people smells occasionally.

Original poster
Tigertigertigertiger · 04/11/2022 21:29

I own my flat and get on very well with my neighbours and have made loads of adaptations to accommodate them.

OP posts:
parsniiips · 04/11/2022 21:29

Cigarette smoke is disgusting and if it's rising up and going directly into their home that's not on.

Just tell your friends to smoke somewhere that it doesn't impact on other people and don't be a twat.

Hohofortherobbers · 04/11/2022 21:30

A few times a year I think is reasonable. Can you warn neighbours in advance? Thry may then choose to shut windows and not use balcony?

Original poster
Tigertigertigertiger · 04/11/2022 21:32

ClocksGoingBackwards · 04/11/2022 21:28

If it’s only a few times a year, they are being ridiculous to even have mentioned it. They shouldn’t be living in a flat above other people if they can’t cope with other people smells occasionally.

That’s kind of what I think.

it is probably about 4 times a year . It just seems a bit rude of me to not let my friends smoke in my garden

OP posts:
Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 04/11/2022 21:32

so when they're not on their balcony (eg during the winter/ when it's raining) it's probably ok to smoke there? I'd let the friends do it then, but on a hot sunny day when the neighbours are using the balcony (and/or have the doors to it wide open) ask them to move a bit further away from the house...

Original poster
Tigertigertigertiger · 04/11/2022 21:35

OnTheBoardwalk · 04/11/2022 21:25

Also do the smokers chat? That can be disturbing as well

smokers in my house are asked to smoke outside but they are quiet as chatting noise carries at night

I don’t really understand what you are meaning here - I don’t smoke but I do sit outside and chat - are you saying I shouldn’t do that ? 😳

I’m very quiet In general because the insulation between the flats is v poor and noise travels .

OP posts:
FatAnneTheDealer · 04/11/2022 21:35

It’s surprising how much the smoke and the smell travels. Your friends may be making it impossible for them comfortably to use their own balcony. Yours friends are surely by now used to severe restrictions on their smoking. It sounds like these restrictions should now extend to your deck.

nilpois · 04/11/2022 21:37

Rather than you thinking it's rude not to let them
smoke I think it's actually more rude of your friends to think it's ok for other people to smell their cigarette smoke whilst at home.

Can't your friends just move out further away down the garden or onto the street to smoke?

Original poster
Tigertigertigertiger · 04/11/2022 21:40

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 04/11/2022 21:32

so when they're not on their balcony (eg during the winter/ when it's raining) it's probably ok to smoke there? I'd let the friends do it then, but on a hot sunny day when the neighbours are using the balcony (and/or have the doors to it wide open) ask them to move a bit further away from the house...

Yes, that’s fair enough. I don’t think my friends have ever actually sat outside smoking on a hot sunny day though and yet the neighbours still politely complained.

You have just reminded me they also asked me not to have a barbecue in my garden because they don’t like the smell of that either. They asked me this soon after I moved in - the previous owners had built a brick barbecue in the garden.
I have had one barbecue in the 15 or so years I have lived here and they were on holiday

OP posts:
Original poster
Tigertigertigertiger · 04/11/2022 21:41

can I ask the smokers on here where they smoke when at their own home ?

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 04/11/2022 21:42

"popcorncandy · Today 21:25
It's a few times a year and you have the right to enjoy your house as do your guests. If you were a chain smoker I'd sympathise more with your neighbours but no, yanbu to let your friends smoke when they visit."

Quite agree!

willithappen · 04/11/2022 21:44

Second hand smoke is not only disgusting but also dangerous! If it's travelling up to neighbours then I would tell your friends to go elsewhere to smoke

lifeinthehills · 04/11/2022 21:45

I hate smoking with a passion and I think four times a year is nothing. Annoying but allowable. Unless it's not just a regular day visit (like they stay for days) or they are doing it continually, all day long.

The BBQ request is not on. That doesn't affect their own health, so I don't think they can really complain fairly about that. You should be able to use your garden to BBQ.

Smokers visiting my house go down onto the street. Otherwise it still drifts in my front windows.

LoobyDop · 04/11/2022 21:47

Our downstairs neighbours have parties where guests smoke on their deck. It comes directly up and in through our bedroom windows. It’s fucking disgusting, and I don’t give a shit about the comfort of visitors, I give a shit about people whose home it is, and them being deprived of fresh air. Tell them to walk two minutes down the road so that your neighbours don’t hate you.