Aibu to not ban my friends from smoking on my deck ?

[Tigertigertigertiger]

I’ll explain.
I live in the lower flat of a converted semi detached house with a retired couple living in the flat above.

I have a small deck with garden chairs out my front door - directly above it the neighbours have a small balcony - half my deck is covered by their balcony which is great as I can sit outside If it’s raining and stay dry.

I don’t smoke but two of my friends do ( cigarettes, not hash ) and when they visit (a few times a year) if they want to smoke they go out onto the deck.

my upstairs neighbours have asked me not to let anyone smoke on the deck because they can smell it if they are on their balcony.

I think my neighbours are being unreasonable .
Please can I have your opinions

YABU - you should not let your friends smoke outside on the deck
YANBU - your neighbours should not be dictating the smoking rules in your property .

Smoke really does travel. When my downstairs neighbours are smoking outside, I'm passive smoking too upstairs and the smell lingers. Even if the windows are shut, it gets in.

I haven't complained but I did have to get an air purifier as it was setting off my asthma. So yes, you have the right to do it but just know that it does affect people's health and comfort.

Our next door neighbours smoke in their garden and if the window in our bedroom is open then we can smell it. Turns me since that's where our baby sleeps at the minute too. They could go further down your garden if it's dry...

Yes they are totally unreasonable. They don't get to tell other people what to do in their own homes, how ridiculous. Ignore them.

Close your windows? If you live close to people then they are allowed to use their property: have friends over, speak in their garden, let children play outside, let adults smoke outside, BBQ outside, use their wood burners etc etc. If you require absolute silence and no possible smell or noise from neighbours then go and live far away from everyone else. You don't get to demand that people cannot do perfectly normal and legal things on their own property, in moderate and sensible amounts.

We don't smoke and so we don't allow guests to smoke when they come to our house. If they wanted to, they'd have to go into the street outside. But then I don't think I have any friends close enough to come to my house four times a year who still smoke.

Cigarette smoke is vile. YABVVU to force your neighbours to be subjected to it. Why would you do this? It’s really nasty. Try having a bit of empathy and compassion. It’s an easy problem to solve - just don’t let your friends smoke there.

YANBU, this is one of the downsides of living in flats. BUT as a non smoker I can confirm it is absolutely awful when you need the windows open in summer and the neighbours below are smoking, because it will come in the windows and pollute the air inside the flat long after the cigarette has been finished. If you care about these neighbours at all, it would be kinder to ask your friends to smoke in a different part of the garden. Unless your friends are chain-smokers who visit you for the entire day, it isn't going to cause them any hardship to smoke ten feet away from the building.

I'd say "OK" and then just completely ignore their request.

And I'd have as many barbecues in the garden as I wanted.

If you think it's so reasonable, why don't you just let them smoke in your house? No? I wonder why? Maybe because it's disgusting no matter where it is and you know it, have some consideration.

Probably for the same reasons people don't BBQ inside their houses? What an absurd comment.

Get a smokeless ashtray. Be nice, just not too nice.

Up to a point. My right to wave my arms around stops at your nose. Yes, do what you want, but if it affects other people, don't be a dick. Surely.

I also think it’s ok op, they’d have to be going some for this to be an issue, I’d say if they were on the balcony then ask them to move to the side or something, but if they aren’t sitting out there then it’s unreasonable for them to say it’s not ok. In reality though I’d just allow them to do it whenever as it’s only a hand ful of times a year

I smoke very occasionally but used to smoke a lot and I think it's fair enough to ask them to smoke further away from the house.

Do you have a garden where they could move down a bit?

As for the bbq, beyond checking if they have washing out, it's not reasonable to ask you never to have one. But again, not right under their windows/balcony.

Either ask your friends to move further away, or let them smoke indoors. If you don't like the idea of them smoking indoors, that shows you how your upstairs neighbours must feel.

@Tigertigertigertiger If it is 4 x a year then they are being unreasonable if as you say you have made accommodations for them ( would be interesting to know what those are ) Yes you can ask your guests to walk away for a cigarette & they may very well do if you ask them to - but honestly 4 x a year assuming overnight or a weekend not weeks on end I would if I were your neighbours let this one go, Live and let live and all that

Windows have this astonishing function where they can be closed. Miraculous solution.

Her friends aren't smoking in her neighbours house though. Entirely different scenario. They can just grow up, realise they don't get to dictate to other people and close their windows for a few minutes if it's such a big issue. Same as with the BBQ. A BBQ makes far more smoke.

And for far longer.

So many of these responses are completely irrational. And I have never met anybody who tries to dictate to their neighbours in this way, it's bizarre.

Like I said earlier, if you require complete control of your environment then move far away from other people.

I own my flat and get on very well with my neighbours and have made loads of adaptations to accommodate them

In that case you've clearly tried to be considerate, and since you said the friends' visits are only about 4 times a year I'd be careful about rolling over too often - being thoughtful is important, but so is making sure you don't become a target for ever escalating demands

This is incredibly valid So please don’t ignore. Our neighbours are like this. We tried to also do what they ask , but it became like a little power trip for them, where they started asking for mor and more ludicrous shit off of us.

It culminated in them coming to our house and formally requesting we remove our security lights as they lit up when they came home and they didn’t like it . I pointed out they had rhe exact same lights in the exact same position. which did the same when we came home, I was just sick of it and said you remove yours and we will consider it as we don’t like it when yours light up either

honestly they looked stunned , stumbled over no we aren’t doing that, tried to then suggest we get an electrician and move our exact same positioned lights, which we also said no to, then they said bye and hurriedly walked away from our front door in a comedy walk. The lights remain and have never been mentioned again.

saying no, we need to live together and even offering to let them know in advance when you have friends over who will be smoking outside or if you’re having a bbq is Really the way forward , as if they are bullies they will keep escalating and it does seem they are. They are not trying to live with you and compromise but bully you instead. In that scenario you can never win and there will always be something else. Something more they want. So just say no.

I would ask visitors to move away from the building. At my work we have a rule where you have to be a certain distance from buildings - I asked someone to move the other day because their smoke below was drifting up into my first-floor office and it really did stink the room out.

Legally the neighbour has no right but I do think it is an understandable request, personally.

This.

What time are the smokers out chatting with you whilst having a smoke?

smokers tend to not stop smoking when it gets late and into the early hours