To hate parents’ evening?

[freespirit333]

It feels like I am the only one who dreads it, and has never been told my child is a pleasure, a delight, etc etc.

Am I really the only one?

Not the only one, I feel the same.

You're not alone. I've spent 14 years being told that DS needs to talk more in class. Only on our parents evening last month did a teacher finally acknowledge that at 17 he's never going to change!

I don't enjoy them either. The teachers have prepared what they are going to say and its like a script. I doubt they change it much from child to child.

They tend to sugar coat and I leave not knowing anything I didn't know beforehand.

One of my DC's needed help with a particular subject. I repeatedly asked what I could do to help and the teacher reply was to do nothing. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

A tutor sorted it thankfully.

I am a teacher and l dreaded one of my ds teacher evening. He was always giddy in class..bit of a messer etc. By the time l was through all the teachers l was a wreck and sometimes cried when l got to the car. My other two were a dream. Ds possibly has ADHD ..not diagnosed..but his parents evenings were always a nightmare. He is working now in a great job so it isn't holding him back .

I didn't like parents' evenings either, neither did my husband.

However, when I was at school I hated parents' evening more :-). Dreaded them coming home afterwards with stony faces.

No one ever had anything positive to say about my DS when he was t school.

If they could see him now.

@junebirthdaygirl I think my DS has ADHD too, no diagnoses though, and no one has come out and said anything either, it’s so hard! Feels like it’s us who have to take the lead/push whatever we think the problem is but the main problem is how he is at school, ie like you describe, giddy/a messer. But equally very little communication from school, until the twice yearly 10 minutes parents’ evenings! I just hope my other DC is a dream at school and I don’t have to go through all of this twice.

@Bluevelvetsofa how sad!

Not really, because he’s proved them all wrong.

I hate it too. I preferred the online parents evenings which they have now ditched in favour of face to face.

I get where your coming from before mine were diagnosed. Now its not such a surprise as make sure I have lots of contact with the school about whats happening daily

Both of mine have SEN so have a high level of communication anyway but school actively make parents evening a focus upon their strengths. We have plenty of other of "those" meetings. Parents eve are the ones I look forward to.

I don't mind the evening themselves. I hate the day after where the one particularly insufferable pushy mother tells the whole playground how wonderful her kid is and how difficult it's going to be in a few years when she has to choose between stage school and Oxbridge.

Everyone hates it.

I mean you’d have to be desperate to want to go into a building that smells of feet and discuss your disappointing children with the poor people who are supposed to make them less disappointing, while avoiding a wide variety of fellow parents.

I'm a teacher and I love singing the praises of my class!! How sad that teachers aren't positive!

That's the point of parents evening..to celebrate the positives and share what needs to improve!

This 😆

I find it sort of pointless. You barely get ten minutes. You get more feedback in the written school reports I find.

This is so sad. I genuinely always have positive things to say, while being honest about any struggles, I always try to phrase it in a way that says, "this is something we need to improve so these are our proactive next steps". I hope no parent has ever left a consultation with me on the verge of tears. I also never have a script. I have personalised notes for every child which i spend evenings the week before writing and try to give a funny/positive anecdote to share to let the parents know i value their child. I'd be devastated to hear that parents thought i was giving out generic, negative feedback.

I'm a teacher... lots of teachers hate it too. Mostly because lots of parents seem to blame the teachers if their child is not doing brilliantly.

They tend to sugar coat and I leave not knowing anything I didn't know beforehand
I agree that probably is the case... but there's a reason why- when I've been honest, the parents have had a go at me and complained! Now I tell them what they want to hear and everyone's happy.

which i spend evenings the week before writing

You spend evenings preparing for each parents' evening?! As someone who does 10 parents' evenings a year, I find this concerning!

I wish teachers could speak freely. Waste of time for everyone otherwise.

That's what I tell DC's teachers. I am here to hear what they could and should do differently, and what actions would improve their learning. I want to know if behaviour is good, work good and if not, what to do.
I also don't believe education is done solely at school, so I want to hear, what skills need to strengthened at home.

A lot of parents lie. From the boasting fb posts after parents evening/school reports, there is no way every single child is 'a delight' and 'top of the class'.

As a teacher myself I have seen how parents twist what the teacher says. E.g. I stupidly told a parent last year her child had the potential to achieve exceeding in writing because of (xyz) but because of (abc) I have to grade them as below.

As they walked out "thank you, I'm so pleased they are exceeding in writing!"
No! That's not at all what I said! I said they have some elements but because they are missing some of the basics they are BELOW!

Ten years into that here. Every time I say, ‘He’s shy, and very quiet, he’s never going to volunteer to speak, but if you ask him questions he will contribute.’ It’s like they’ve never come across a quiet child before, which is clearly not the case.

I wish teachers could speak freely. Waste of time for everyone otherwise.

I agree, and as a parent this is what I want too. But you have no idea how many parents get nasty when a teacher dares to say anything not entirely complimentary about their child.

Completely agree.

I get very vague and generic feedback such as they are fine in class, they are fine at their work, they are fine with friends, they contribute, they are quiet, they show leadership qualities, they could be more outgoing. It is like having a tarot reading where all angles are covered and by the end it seems like you know everything but you don't know anything more than when you walked in there.

By now I am prepared. I ask questions about particular subjects. The teachers look at me aghast. I'm not supposed to ask anything specific it seems. They tell me they are surprised that DC is having an issue as they, the teachers, don't think there is any issue. Then they repeat the prepared sugar coated spiel and my time is up.

The report cards are far better and I'd prefer a written report at the end of every term. Getting it at the end of the year is pointless when I could have been doing more throughout the year if I had known.