To hate parents’ evening?

[freespirit333]

It feels like I am the only one who dreads it, and has never been told my child is a pleasure, a delight, etc etc.

Am I really the only one?

I have a parent who says this to me.

He rushes his work and does it to a lower quality than he is capable of. When asked to correct errors, proof read or improve he doesn't want to and is disruptive.

In work that is differentiated by outcome, such as writing, he does the barest minimum says 'I'm done' and gets disruptive.

When presented with work that is challenging, that he can't do easily, he procrastinates and becomes disruptive.

I can help him with perseverance, resilience and attitude but not when mum undermines me by defending his behaviour as boredom.

Finishing half an hour before the rest of the class is quite significant and would imply he is gifted and talented. Most children in this position end up helping their peers (I know it's not their job but actually there is some benefit to this) and/or are given extension work by teachers. Still not an excuse for being disruptive though.

What I find weird is the teacher usually spends most of the time describing my kids personality. DD is lovely and kind etc. I’m like yes I know, but we only have 5 min here and I wanna know where she is a academically and how you’re going to develop her? But they distract me with compliments I reckon on purpose.

I'm sorry you have had this experience. The comment about differentiation is awful, unless in context of seeking support from other professionals or a move to special school.

Ha, we can't win, many parents start parents evening by saying that they are less interested in academic info than they are in whether their child has friendship, is polite and kind, works hard.

It's also a good way to say something positive if the academic stuff is bad news.

@donttellmehesalive
Well said!
I had a student March into my room demanding to know why I hadn’t given him a 1 for effort on his latest report. When I informed him that it was because he rushed his work, his presentation was untidy and that it was clear that he was rushing so that he could talk and mess around his only response was ‘But I always finish first!’ 🙄

I'm a teacher and mother. Two children at school. One who everyone loves and the other who works hard, is a good learner but is a bit more mouthy.

I hate reports because of the difference in the way these two children are described. I hate parents eves as I know I'll get such compliments about one and not the other who has such a soft centre and is the kindest, most loving, loyal, sweet thing.

I think it's so sad that teachers don't try to see the best in their children and get to know them all! I try my best and really make sure that the parents coming to me know how valued their child is and that I recognise their strengths! I think a lot of teachers should read this thread.

I used to be a secondary school teacher and I hated Parent's Evenings this early in the school year. It's a dreadful thing to say, but when you are teaching a couple of hundred kids each year, some of whom you only see once a week, it's really difficult to remember who is who... Had to fudge a discussion with a parent on more than one occasion because I couldn't work out which kid was theirs....

Have never liked parent’s evening, well, maybe in the really early days, reception class, when school was much easier for DS.

Alas he’s now in Y11, has struggled on a HUGE scale with school, diagnosed with ADHD and looking into ASD.

We’re limping to the finishing line and I don’t really know how he’ll cope with next year’s GCSEs, I know he’s struggling still and I don’t need this repeating to me x amount of times, it’s deflating for him (and stressful for me).

Can’t wait for it all to be over.

"The comment about differentiation is awful, unless in context of seeking support from other professionals or a move to special school."

I think the implication was that I should a) work really hard over the holidays and at weekends to bring him up to standard or b) leave the school.

I tried option a). It worked for a while, in the lower years.
But he was basically in shut down mode during school hours so new information was just not going in during the 5 hours each day he was there. And then he became too burnt out to take in new information outside school either.
She was right in a way.....you can't differentiate downwards far enough to provide appropriate work for someone who's dissociating.

So I did option b) and home schooled him. He's caught up now. And he's much happier.

You don't have to attend. I am always delighted if a parent doesn't turn up as I get a break or can spend longer with someone else. Honestly, if you know you will be upset by hearing the truth, give it a miss. They'll contact you if there's anything you need to know.

A happy outcome. I'm glad.

This used to send me in to a near rage when I consistently got told this for my kids (that they need to speak up more). It makes me feel teachers don’t understand children at all and they just want them to be all the bloody same. My child used to say to me, ‘mum the kids who talk a lot in class are just saying to the teacher they don’t understand it, but I do understand it so I’m not saying anything’. I’ve told teachers off before about it as it pissed me of so much. Every other thing would be that they were great, they were clever, they were a pleasure etc etc but always bring this crap up. Thank goodness I no longer do parents evenings.

Ask questions, ask what efforts they have put in place for supporting the child.

My meetings have been negative in the past, teacher always backed up with ideas for what they can do to help.

It's only 10 minutes.

If you have concerns throughout the year, pop them an email.

Sigh,

Teachers like to engage with children in class so we need them to speak so we can assess what they know throughout the lesson and check they are following input. We're not trying to make them all the same.

"This used to send me in to a near rage when I consistently got told this for my kids (that they need to speak up more)."

If a pupil is doing really well in lots of ways, then we do try to think of an area they could work on. Often, parents ask for this. Maybe this was the only area where your child was weaker. We do understand that some children are more introverted, quieter etc but would still try to encourage them to answer a question, participate in a class debate or discussion, contribute to small group collaborative work.

I think this is another example of how some parents simply cannot bear to hear anything negative about their child. So you hear lots of good things but this is an area for development - and it throws you into a rage. It is literally our job to notice areas for development and respond.

It wasn’t till I had my second child I realised that you can actually have a parents evening without any negative comments!
my oldest child is neuro diverse so school is hard for him.

With all due respect, the inabity to provide suitably challenging work for very bright kids has long been an issue in schools and has got worse with the current reframing of the curriculum as they aren't allowed to work ahead.

Aw this was me as a kid,like sorry I'm not one of those people that talks even when they have nothing to say!

@donttellmehesalive i wouldn’t just not turn up, that would be rude. Rather I’d not book any online slots.

DS had suicidal ideation earlier in the year and I had to take him to A&E. He was out of the school system for over 2 months, so the importance of how he’s doing academically has taken a back seat.

I won’t be choosing to attend any online PE appointments this time.

One of the problems for teachers in these situations is that there is a very, slight, negligible, almost imperceptibly faint chance that the child they are discussing does not, in fact, have special needs that would require tons of pointless paperwork. There is the remote possibility that the child is entitled, immature, disrespectful and not a hidden genius who is playing the class clown because it's more fun than long division. If the teacher raised this, admittedly unlikely possibility, abuse and emails to governors and Ofsted could ensue. I know on MN this would seem impossible as all children are either geniuses or SEND and all teachers are lazy, but it might just be worth considering.

Honestly the amount of parents I've met who complain afterwards about negative feedback about their child's behaviour by trotting out the 'he's only acting u because he's bored / not challenged enough'
I think there
Might be some genuine cases but I very much doubt that they are all super bright/gifted 🙄

Correct. Communication and language development does not end at 5.

Not in my in my 20 years experience as a teacher it hasn’t. One of my DC (now in her 20s) was very bright and was sufficiently challenged throughout school)
Curriculum reforms will be different depending on which country you are referring to. I’m certainly not seeing any meaning students are sat in my classes with nothing to.
Parents thinking that they know better than teachers and refusing to believe that little Johnny might not be the angelic genius they think they are IS an increasing problem in schools!

This!
Someone will be along to tell you how you are wrong in a minute! 🙄😂