To hate parents’ evening?

[freespirit333]

It feels like I am the only one who dreads it, and has never been told my child is a pleasure, a delight, etc etc.

Am I really the only one?

Finishing half an hour before the rest of the class is quite significant and would imply he is gifted and talented.

These must be very long activities if he’s left sat there for another half an hour after finishing his task…
Not so ‘gifted’ at telling the time then maybe? Maybe he could practice that while he’s waiting?

@Feart
Do you mean they'll think it's more than a remote possibility? 😂

@BellePeppa
If a teacher suggesting your child might benefit from developing communication skills advantageous for the future sends you into a 'near rage' I recommend learning some anger management techniques.

I hated parents evenings too, because I heard nothing from school all year, and then would turn up in late February ( the only one all year) to be told “ your kid has been failing this subject all year”..
I remember one teacher, in primary, ranting against me about how my oldest dc just didn’t listen in class and was always staring out of the window. He wasn’t disruptive, just inattentive. I didn’t know what to say so I just agreed and went “ I know it’s infuriating isn’t it” . She was proper cross, but honestly, I had no idea how to fix it as he was the same at home and nothing seemed to make any difference. The online parents evenings were the WORST. 5 timed minutes, and then you get automatically cut off, which is quite stressful! I don’t bother anymore, I just email teachers if I want to know anything.

"A happy outcome. I'm glad"

Well yes and no. Yes it's happy for him.

But it only happened by accident because lockdown gave us a dry run. And it's obviously not an option for most people- because it involved me jacking in my job.

I think there's a lot of autistic kids who are expected to just remain in a state of confusion and distress for large portions of their day. And I don't know what the solution is.

Because a lot of what he needed seems easy and obvious (quietness, low demands, being able to follow his interests) untill you imagine scaling it up and providing it for everyone.

Then it seems like you would need a massive expansion of the special school system to cover kids with mild to moderate SEN who are currently in mainstream but ideally need something different.

Also: although home ed is a positive for us. So many people are pushed into it, or off rolled. Or have kids who arent being educated at all.

I recently signed DS up for a regular social meet up.

The blurb read something like:
"This is for ASD teens and tweens who's needs aren't severe enough for special provision but who can't cope in mainstream. We can't solve the situation but at least we can offer each other support and give the kids something to look forward to"

Honestly, it's really sad.

"A happy outcome. I'm glad"

Well yes and no. Yes it's happy for him.

But it only happened by accident because lockdown gave us a dry run. And it's obviously not an option for most people- because it involved me jacking in my job.

I think there's a lot of autistic kids who are expected to just remain in a state of confusion and distress for large portions of their day. And I don't know what the solution is.

Because a lot of what he needed seems easy and obvious (quietness, low demands, being able to follow his interests) untill you imagine scaling it up and providing it for everyone.

Then it seems like you would need a massive expansion of the special school system to cover kids with mild to moderate SEN who are currently in mainstream but ideally need something different.

Also: although home ed is a positive for us. So many people are pushed into it, or off rolled. Or have kids who arent being educated at all.

I recently signed DS up for a regular social meet up.

The blurb read something like:
"This is for ASD teens and tweens who's needs aren't severe enough for special provision but who can't cope in mainstream. We can't solve the situation but at least we can offer each other support and give the kids something to look forward to"

Honestly, it's really sad.

I hate it, would rather staple my tits to the carpet.

It depends on your child. One school was an absolute delight to attend for parents evenings as child was an A* very engaged pupil. The other child's school ... well, he SEN issues that I was fighting to get support for and the school was not understanding. It was extremely awkward, child just didn't fit in at all. (Not there any longer TG!)

No, you are not.
quite the opposite, we were always told ours were delights (so both thought what’s the point of trudging round here all evening, then? You could tell us that at pickup 😁)

My children have SN and we always had "structured conversations" instead of parents evenings which weren't awful or anything but singled us out (different time, always an afternoon as they were quite long).

What I hated was other parents crowing about how great their parents evening had been "the teacher said they wish the whole class was like him/her." If I've heard that once I've heard it a thousand times...either parents are lying or teachers use that phrase a lot!

Teacher here and with parents' evenings no one wins, really.

I'm working in a MAT which has a strict script we have to stick to in the few minutes we're given per parent. We're not even allowed to choose our own words anymore, there are clear numbers which translate to either outstanding, excellent, good, needs to improve etc. There is no point to them anymore, I might as well just type a letter.

I make phone calls instead and rely on the behaviour system sending automated messages home for detentions with their various reasons and homeworks done or not done - if a parent cannot get a picture of what their child is up to from the barrage of texts they receive every day or the calls I make home when I can for either positive or negative reasons then there is nothing much else for me to say.

How sad. It seems some MATs are committed to destroying the principle of the 'unique child.'

I used to like them as DS is a bright child who never causes any trouble, although I did bring up the lack of challenge after he told me they just read if they finish early.
DD however has SEN, and while bright really struggles to even be in the class without being disruptive. Tbf at parents evening the teacher did tell me that she was doing well academically when she was actually there.

Our favourite was the teacher who spent 5 mins talking about someone else’s child. The call ended and Dh I amazed at our 13 year olds to date hidden textile talents. Dd admitted the girl that sits next to her looks quite similar and is really talented 😁

DS2’s school summon you to a daytime meeting, with no choice about the time or care about whether it’ll be suitable for you.

Based on my experience with DS1, this will be a data-focused 10 minutes with a ‘learning manager’ which I will leave thinking they could just have emailed me the data and not bothered.

I suspect the staff could use the time more productively too.

It depends on your child. One school was an absolute delight to attend for parents evenings as child was an A very engaged pupil. The other child's school ... well, he SEN issues that I was fighting to get support for and the school was not understanding. It was extremely awkward, child just didn't fit in at all. (Not there any longer TG!)*

Basically it comes down to - satisfactory parents evening: teacher tells you what you want to hear. Unsatisfactory parents evening: teachers tell you things you’d rather not hear.
I don’t think this is the point of parent’s evening though. I personally agree with a PP who said parent’s evenings can seem a bit pointless. Teachers seem to have been intimidated into giving a rose tinted view of everything in fear of backlash from parents - that’s what it certainly seemed like at my children’s previous school. Or they give only positive feedback because negative will be immediately met with the utmost suspicion and disregarded so why bother to put yourself in that situation.
I remember when one year parents evenings were suddenly held in the hall (and have been ever since). I think this is common now. I was a bit naive and unsure why - and then discovered it turns out it’s because of parent’s behaviour and how aggressively they can respond to teacher’s feedback when confronting teachers by themselves. Teachers do not feel comfortable or sometimes even safe to have what should be a civilised conversation with parents on their own in their classrooms. I think that’s shocking.

I love it. Not keen on the online, would prefer f-2-f again.

I had to laugh after a parents evening this time last year (an old school we left in Feb) and we had at least 8 or 9 parents all saying their child was top of the class. I did think the teacher either a) hadn't said it or b) said to them all to shut them up moaning.

I'm happy when my child is happy, resilient and kind. The academics come secondary to that in my eyes.

I had to laugh after a parents evening this time last year (an old school we left in Feb) and we had at least 8 or 9 parents all saying their child was top of the class. I did think the teacher either a) hadn't said it or b) said to them all to shut them up moaning.

I only ever read this on MN - and can literally smell the BS through my phone. Seems like a really old fashioned turn of phrase that people remember from their own childhoods. Certainly where my children have gone to school they don’t ‘rank’ the children and the term ‘top of the class’ isn’t something the children are familiar with. They tell you where the children are in terms of age related expectations and not exactly where they are in relation to the other children in the class.

Yes the GP. I'm aware they don't diagnose. They are the gatekeepers for the referral process though and if it's a long process better to get it underway. Y2 is a very common time for children to start on the pathway. You can always remove yourself from the process further along the line if you don't feel it's necessary or the right thing for your child.

GPs don't even refer where I am.

This kind of thing varies hugely depending on what local authority you live in.

@TwitTw00 referrals have to be made via school where I am, once a child is school age. This has already been done so my DS is on a list to be assessed for ADHD and ASD, but it’s a very long list.

A PP mentioned a communications book, I have asked for this and school said they don’t like to do them. I think if I continue to be kept in the dark though I might insist. It would be really useful as I would be able to support whatever techniques they’re trying at home.

Thanks @donttellmehesalive , yes that’s what I assumed, and he was very tricky over the summer but it was like a switch flipped and he was so well behaved once he was back at school, so I had assumed he was behaving ok there, having not heard anything. So I was really gutted when the day of parents evening came round. You’re right that I don’t think it’s unmanageable by far, he’s not violent or anything, but his teacher did admit it’s very disruptive with a class of 30 when he won’t stay seated/makes silly noises/talks etc when she is talking.

I used to dread parents evening as my son has asd and struggles at school. It didn't mean it wasn't useful to talk to the teacher or that I didn't want to hear what the issues were as some posters have implied. It just means it was a miserable experience.

Oh totally! It is all bullshit. I said to one mum "maybe I should go back in and ask where xxxx is placed as she never told me". Mum kinda shut up quickly with the bragging then 🤣🤣