to want my dc to only call his actual grandads "grandad"?

[superdenki]

DH's parents are divorced and MIL lives with new partner, who ds calls uncle X (they've been together for about 8 years now). BUT now, our son is 2 and suddenly MIL has started sending Christmas and birthday cards signed "grandma and grandad". DH had a quiet word and she made some crappy excuse about writing it 'by mistake, but what difference does it make'. How do we tell her that writing something down doesn't make it the truth and to just accept that DS already has 2 grandads?

YABU - sorry

DS has 3 "grandads" and I think it's lovely and consider them all as important as each other.

YANBU-he isn't her grandad and it is confusing for the children. My parents are divorced and have new partners and I would find it bizarre if they were referred to as grandma and grandad

"Nan Bat"????

I can understand discomfort, but I do think it's important to get over it, because not doing so is continuing to exclude the new partner, whenever s/he is addressed. And that will subtly affect his/her relationship with your children. And that is a greater loss than your discomfort.

and if they've been together 8 years he's hardly a "new" partner is he. could understand if he'd only been around a few months

We asked DP's parents - both remarried - what they wanted to be called. One step-parent chose Nanny and the other chose a pet name which his family called him. I was happy to go with the flow - didn't want to end up saying 'grandad and the woman he lives with' which felt unfair and rude to someone who is, in action if not genetically, a grandmother.

Oh Also, my DC's call DP's grandparents Nan and Grandad Mitchell, just because everyone does, it's practically their names, but to my DC's they are no real relation, it's just easier.

YANBU!

Similar thing this weekend, my mother (who I went 8 years without seeing) referred to her boyfriend (who I've met about 5 times) as "Grandad". Made my hackles rise.

my DHs parents are remarried and mils' dh gets called by his name as does FIl's wife. They are not granparents - they are married to those who are. so we go and see grandad and 'brenda' or nanny and 'bob' names changed obviously!

i think it is personal choice. my sil (dh's sister) has her son call them 'papa' and 'nana' - her choice, but not something we wanted our boys to do.

cx

I don't think YABU

My Dad died 5 years ago and my mum since remarried. Ireally really like her new DH, he's a lovely man and makes mum very happy

but Grandad is MY DAD, not mum's DH. The DC call him Dek (his name is derek, lol) so they do have their own name for him, but its not grandad

My DM did the same forcing her DH of only 6mths on us as a grandad (and no I don't like him). I've told her he can be called poppa X, as he has a grandad and a grandpa already.

well my dc's call my sm nan(same as they call mil nan) when i refer or talk about my mum(who dies yonks ago) i call her Grandma. It has never confused them. even dd who has cp just looks at the ceiling when i mention grandma(heaven)
can he not just be grandpa

Sorrry about typo- meant to stress that they are NOT my dc's grandad and grandmother

Not unreasonable at all. My parents are divorced and they call my mum and her new husband 'Nan and Fred' (not his real name!). No problem whatsoever. It isn't insulting at all, it's just sensible. The real issue isn't so much what you call him as that you AGREE on what you call him. I think you need to make this clear to your mum that you're only comfortable with using his name, not 'Grandad'.

I agree entirely with MP

I dn't think it's the same as the situation you are in Mamag - in the OP's case no one is replacing anyone, it's an add on, as MP said, how ovely to have 3 Granddads

no, i know that posie, but i do think its the choice of the PARENTS not the grandmother.

YABU - he doesn't need to be called grandad - if that bothers you - but there are plenty of other names you could use instead. Or make one up, especially for him, to both include him and keep it different.

My DSD calls my Mum and Dad by her first name. She is welcome to call them grandma/grandpa or whatever she wants especially as me and her Dad are expecting a child together. I've left it up to my Mum and Dad and her. They have told her she is welcome to call them whatever she is comfy with that and is all much easier. It's only a name isn't it really? I am adopting DSD and she has said she doesn't want to call me Mummy as will 'feel weird' and the word Mummy makes her sad (her Mum died). Doesn't matter - relationships are what's important not what you are called.

I don't think it's that confusing to have multiple grandparents tbh - DSD loves it.

Well my DS has two mums and two dads. He knows who his biological mum and dad are, but he calls both steps mum and dad. As they are! DS lives with us so my DP is his dad, but when he visits his biological dad, then he has another mum there. And it meant, of course, that DS had lots of grands!! Made for a very large and happy family. I think your MIL is proud of her family and wants everyone to know it.

our kids are amixed - 2 dsc and 1 dd for me. they have each got grandparents on each side plus step grandparents and aslo remarried grandparents. very confusing! we say grandparent for each and every single one becuase it is the role they take. only my dh's mum and my dad make a distinction (she because she doesn't count the ex wife's 2nd husband as an equal parent (but she does me, wierd) and my dad because he is old fashioned and thinks the dsc should only live with their mum. silly as it denies my dd a sibling, really!!

The issue is this -

"Uncle X" was the one who suggested he be called "Uncle X" in the first place.

MIL has taken it on herself to rechristen him Grandad without discussion with us.

DH is uncomfortable with this. I don't want to be caught in the middle as while it's a small point it brings up a whole bunch of unresolved family issues from the past.

Maybe it's better to just ask dc to call him a pet name, as some posters have suggested.

Cheers all.