WFH with children

[Annie232]

On many threads I hear women pop up and mention how they WFH x number of days and so don't need childcare on x number of days. Incidentally, within my NCT group on discussions on return to work a few of the women have said similar and that they plan to WFH 1/2 days a week and therefore save on childcare. Is this a thing now?

We managed in COVID by me working 6am - noon while DP had our 1 year old, DP working noon - 6pm while I had the one year old, then both of us making up the remaining hours in the evening. It was hell. And no way either of us could have actually looked after a child and worked at the same time! I occasionally had to do it for emergency meetings and luckily everyone was understanding about the fact a child was there and interrupting because of the exceptional circumstances of the time, but I would not be impressed if it was happening now.

What will you do with your baby whilst you are working though ?

thats a big saving. Think I am missing a trick here that others have already cottoned onto.

And ignoring the majority who say it cannot be done!

@Phos I couldn’t cope with my then 6 yo (year 1) at home whilst I was working in lockdowns. Nearly gave me a nervous breakdown. Yes I was attempting some homeschooling but babies and toddlers need more attention that that!

8 yo - yes, fine for the odd day when he’s ill. Or an occasional “down time” day in the hols but even then not ideal. Fine with secondary age kids in the hols of course.

You can’t both provide good quality care of a baby and work. So your definitely not.

I do it and it works for me. But I own the company and can do my work when I need to - so that might be before the children wake up, during nap time or in the evening when they're asleep. If I have a meeting, DH takes over.

DS is ten and its only recently that I can effectively wfh with him in the house, bit even now I pay for half days minimum childcare on school holidays. After hours here and there are fine and after school no problem but any more would drive is both mad - he'd be bored and stuck in front of a screen. Lockdown was awful trying to wfh and he was 8 then so I wouldn't even attempt it with a baby or toddler, I'd rather pay the childcare than be stressed and miserable.

I WFH. My kids are 7 and 9. I don't use wrap around care. I drop my kids off at school and log on at 9am. I work until 3pm, pick the kids up and plonk them in front of the telly until DH gets home. DH is usually home between 3.30pm and 4.30pm. I work until 5.30pm/6pm.

I find it hard enough doing this. I always have it in the back of my mind that I need to pick the kids up and my entire day needs to be planned around that. (Can't have a long lunch, can't have a 2pm meeting run over etc). I also feel guilty for my kids. If one of them has had a tough day at school, I am sitting there with them with my laptop in front of me as well until DH gets home to take over.

In holidays, DH and I take leave. It's not fair on my DC being stuck at home for the holidays. I would rather they have our full attention and days out etc.

I have an employer that is ridiculously flexible and a job that doesn't have time constraints. There are colleagues that I know look after their younger children at home whilst working or have their kids home in the school holidays while working etc. It shows in their work. They don't pick up the harder jobs, they don't do as much etc.

I agree with others, WFH trying to look after kids means doing a bad job at everything!

You will be a sub par employee and a sub par parent if you do this.

I also think when this is brought up (usually with someone who has no kids yet or a 2 month old baby) the comments are all centred around how bad it is for the coworkers and employers, but I’m always just thinking that poor child!!
Have any of you seen the studies into toddler’s communication and emotional development during lockdown in large part due to their parents working? It’s shocking. Babies and toddlers need constant attention, not just for their safety but for their developmental and emotional well-being. Ignoring a toddler for large parts of the day or shoving them in front of the tv every day while you work is abuse imo.

No one I know does this. During covid my son was 3, despite the nursery savings it was horrible, we felt like crap employees and crap parents, and that was at a time work was obviously understanding as we couldn't get childcare. He's 6 now and I don't use childcare for the days we're both WFH, our employers are happy with us planning the school run into the working day which allows a chat, make a drink and snack and he entertains himself for an hour. He's sensible and knows not to come in to muck around but equally it's fine if he wants something like another drink. He does go to holiday club in the school holiday as this approach wouldn't work for a half or whole day.

Baby 2 is on the way, they will be in nursery until the working day is done.

My kids are 7 and 5. I can just about manage a work day if they’re at school. School bus picks them up at 8.40 and drops them off at 3.15. Then they get a snack and basically chill/watch tv/play with toys til I’m done. I can’t really do meetings or anything after 3 because they might interrupt me, but admin tasks are fine. My job is very flexible though and DH is often around, so he can deal with them. Often people stop wfh at that point, deal with their kids, make dinner etc and then log back on for an hour or 2 in the evening.

I think that’s a reasonable adjustment and family friendly working. Having a baby or toddler climbing on you and screaming the place down while you’re supposed to be working is not! Most employers will not allow this, except in an emergency.

If you plan to do this, expect to have your wfh privileges removed fairly quickly!

With my first son there was no way I could have worked at home with him, he only slept 30 minutes at a time 3 times a day. With my second he would sleep all afternoon if I let him, so that would have been possible. I know friends who work from home but their children are in school, they use lunch break to collect children. Children do homework when they get home with a snack, then they play or watch tv till the parents finish work.

Yes that is the other viewpoint - I'm WFH today while my DC are at childcare. It's a lovely sunny day so they'll be out for a walk/to a playground at least once, they'll do messy play, story time, eat a hot meal cooked from scratch, play in the garden. And that's before you consider the social benefits of playing with other DC, learning to share and take turns etc.

If they were here with me there would be none of that, it'd be screens, bickering and quick beige food.

What’s your job?
you’ll probably find Hr have a rule on it unless exceptional circumstance like kids is sick or something
it’s a massive piss take

I get you! My daughter was 3 during lockdown. Due to the nature of my job at the time I was classed as a key worker so she went to nursery 3 days a week. Problem was I worked for 4 and usually my mum had her the extra day. I ended up having to negotiate WFH on that day but realistically it was a write off. Thankfully I have an understanding employer.

I work from home with baby here, saves on a days child care.

Employer is fine with it, not sure why they wouldn’t be

But then again I’m a snr manager and don’t ‘work’ that many hours anyway, I usually put in a few hours a day active work so easy to fit around baby’s needs.

If you and the other women you know are first time parents, it's understandable to have this 'plan' because at this point none of you have any real concept of what it's like to look after babies.
However, it's a really bad idea. What happens when you need to join a teams meeting or you are on a call to a customer or want to impress a potential new client and this is the time your baby decides to scream the house down because it has wind, or your toddler goes into mega strop mode because you put the milk in the blue cup and he wanted green?
Your employer will find out and they will be pissed off at paying you a full wage and getting half of your attention.

The other women you know, who don't have childcare lined up, will be in deep shit when they realise how long you have to be on waiting lists to get nursery places in some areas. I think some of them will lose their jobs tbh, when their employer gets contacted by people who couldn't talk to you and resolve what they needed because you were busy with your baby.

I have an employee doing it, although sometimes she works at her Mums house for some help.
I know she often works evening and weekends to keep up ( not required ). I am not too happy about it but she is achieving her targets - if that changes then we will have to review it

It’s possible to do it very occasionally in an emergency or if the child is sick (even then, depends on the illness).
But long term - no. You can’t wfh with children younger than teenagers in the house. And you’d be harming your career prospects if you did. Everyone knows the people who are taking the piss at work.

Do you remember that baby in lockdown who drowned while his mum was on a work call? Children need proper attention.

Considering you don’t know what job that poster has what a silly statement to make

I’m happily child free and it’s a very long time since I looked after my nieces and nephews but I seem to remember barely being able to go for a pee in peace let alone trying to work

I do it very occasionally in the school holidays but only on a very short day while I work 5 hours and even then I usually plan for them to go for grandparents for most of that! It's impossible! You can't do parenting or your work well. Mine are now 5 and 7 and I wouldn't do it. In lockdown (I know it was a very different situation to now) they were 2/3 and 5 and it nearly broke me. It's one of the reasons why I opt to go into the office most days as wfh gives me flashbacks!

There's a huge difference between nipping out and collecting a 7yr old and 10yr old from a very nearby primary school and parking them in front of the tele for 2 hours from 3.15 to 5.15, and having a baby/toddler/preschooler at home.
In my opinion you can only feasibly do it if your children are junior aged, and the school is very close - anything more than a few hundred metres away and you'll be gone more than 20mins picking them up which is taking the piss - unless agreed with a boss.
Junior aged kids don't need close supervision, they can easily get themselves a drink, a biscuit or fruit. They know what they can and can't disturb you for, and are getting to the sort of age where if they do need to disturb you they know how to do so discreetly.

Any younger and really you aren't working you are caring for children, and lots of employers would be justified in being extremely cross.