AUBU thinking I might have ADHD?

[Salvia89]

Hi all,

For years I've struggles with a few things and am beginning to think I might have ADHD. In other ways I think that perhaps I don’t though and am just a bit lazy?! I’ve not mentioned this to anyone I know and was hoping for a bit of thought and insight here. Here are a few examples of the struggles:

1. misplacing things all the time. I can put my keys down (can never manage to always put them in the same place!) and then have lost them 5 minutes later.
2. Always forgetting things. My daughter’s friend came over this evening and as I was getting ready to take her home, packed friend’s bag full of her school things and put it by the door. Said goodbye to my daughter and put friend in the car.. got to her house and realised I’d forgotten her bag. Forgot to take my daughter to swimming the other day dispite my partner reminding me.
3. find it impossible to concentrate or get anything done until the absolute last minute when I go into a hyper focus and can get tasks done to a v high standard in a v short period of time. I find it almost impossible to start on work projects until the fear of god gets into me!
4. Brilliant short term memory.. at uni, there was a subject that I found dull, but had an excellent and well written text book. I couldn’t bring myself to revise for the exam in advance, but read the text book front to back the day before the exam and managed to regurgitate it for the exam and got a 1st. Had forgotten pretty much all of it 2 weeks later.
5. Can’t keep my house tidy for the life of me. I’d love to live in a tidy house, but I put things down without thinking and then suddenly the house is a bomb site! The only time I can tidy is when people are coming over and I NEED to do it. Then I go into a frenzy and can get it done in super time! I find it difficult to see mess either.. for example, I went to the pub the other day and when leaving asked my brother to check the table to double check I hadn’t left anything.. he said “well nothing but the baby bottle obviously”. I hadn’t noticed rhe baby bottle! Ffs!
6. A typical thing has just happened.. lit the log burner before writing this. Just went to put on another log and I’ve lost the bloody handle! I haven’t even left the room!!

None of this is particularly debilitating and I hold down a good job and social life, which is why I’ve never explored it before, but having read threads on here and people suggesting that others may have ADHD has got me thinking.

What do you all think? And anyone else with ADHD, what are your other main symptoms?

Self-diagnosis is a concern, but in DD’s case it had never crossed our minds until her university tutor suggested it as a possible explanation for her mindblowing state of chaos. Apparently he phrased it as ‘Surely someone at home or school must have suggested that this needs professional assessment?’

She seemed pretty normal to us compared with her definitely neurodiverse siblings. Oops.

Unless you are considering taking medication what is the point of getting a diagnosis now?

I was diagnosed a few years ago, and at the time hadn’t really heard of adults getting diagnosed. A question was raised by an EP about my son having ADHD, and I knew very little about it, so set off to find out (with what I could probably now describe as hyperfocus!). I ended up looking at a list of ADHD manifestations in women and finding it a total shock to be reading what was a description of myself. It included many of the things I’d thought of as my many unrelated flaws. I have a history of depression going back almost 40 years.

I was very lucky to access a private diagnosis quickly. Despite the online list and a screener I did, I was absolutely expecting the psychiatrist to laugh me out of the room. By the end of diagnostic process she said she couldn’t believe I’d managed to get a degree and hold down a job.

I have since been unable to find a medicine that really works for me, although the very poor mental health services where I used to live made effective titration impossible. I’m now halfway through a 12 month wait to be seen in my new area.

But the diagnosis alone has been life changing. Simply put, I no longer hate myself. And that comes after years of therapy, medication, depressive episodes, career damage etc. I understand that my brain is built in a certain way - I am not morally wrong or lazy (well, I am lazy, but not like I thought).

ADHD is often comorbid with something called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, which, simply put, makes you feel ‘rejection’ enormously. It’s not yet clear whether this is a malfunction of the brain more common in conjunction with ADHD or a cumulative result of getting life ‘wrong’ since early childhood. But since I was diagnosed I can see how much of my depression comes from this. I have no had a single depressive episode since diagnosis, which is the longest period of good mental health in my life.

I think it’s lucky to have been diagnosed at a time when so much attention is placed on neurodiversity. It’s amazing to be able to tell people at work and not have them roll their eyes at me, even if they might be doing internally as some posters on this thread might do. I don’t feel guilty now for working in a way that for me gets the job done but wouldn’t fit the obvious pattern of work.

When people have asked me why I think it’s ADHD and not being scatty or stressed, I tend to offer the example of my inability to do washing properly. I’ve got kids and I’m nearly 50, but I still struggle to get washing done because the sequencing and timing of washing and drying it defeat and exhaust me. Luckily DH does it all but when he’s away I am exhausted just from the effort of keeping myself and my children going in schedule for a day or two.

I was eventually diagnosed at 60, and it was such a relief to realise I wasn't thick, lazy or just plain crazy. It explained so much about my life, why I'd behaved in certain ways etc.

My DBro was diagnosed privately, and immediately called me to say on the basis of what he'd learned he thought I should be tested. I did the on line tests, scored quite highly, went to my GP who asked me to do more tests - just a simple questionnaire with all the time, a lot, sometimes, rarely and never answers. On the basis of this, he referred me for formal diagnosis.

My health authority outsource this to a highly respected private company (who happened to be the same one my brother had gone through), and I had my diagnosis appointment within a couple of months - we did this on line in a video call. Turns out I score very high in hyperactivity, and top the scale for attention deficit.

Distractability is a big factor for me and inability to focus. My brain spends half it's time on a hamster wheel spinning & spinning, and I fall down rabbit holes easily. Pre-diagnosis I would describe myself as a "butterfly Tigger", bouncing from thing to thing at an incredibly rapid rate. I recognise the house thing, and the inside of my car is the same. Talking is a big issue with me, I plain talk too much.

I started on meds a few weeks ago, and the difference it has made is fabulous. I can focus when I need on tasks both work and house related, which in turn has affected my mental health as I no longer beat myself up all the time because I haven't accomplished anything. In my case we thought at first it may be affecting my blood pressure, but that turned out to be the job I was doing and when I left there my BP went back to normal.

One thing I learned to do very early on in my life was plan everything to death, probably helped by working in project management. Everything has to be planned and diarised; I even diarise regular tasks like weekly reports, including scheduling the time to do the work rather than just the deadline.

I've also realised that I am much better off in a job that doesn't have too many interruptions that lead to a complete switch in subjects or thought processes e.g. if I'm working on one thing, half a dozen calls in an hour all relating to completely different things will throw me right off track. This is exacerbated when you need to urgently react to the calls & not put them back until after you've finished the original task.

@Allergictoironing your job choice is interesting as I find the exact opposite. I work best in short intense phases and have a hugely low boredom threshold. I did some career counselling and have moved into a totally new field that suits me a lot better, where that’s an advantage, rather than feeling like I wasn’t very good at my job.

Short intense phases yes, great. But if those phases are being constantly interrupted by calls that's where I was having difficulties. I'm literally talking about 6-8 urgent calls in an hour in my last job, that involved dropping everything & dealing with that, so I could never have the intensity of focus I needed

Yes, it's more common for adults to be diagnosed with ADD.

It seems everyone has ADHD now. It's like the new anxiety.

A lot of what you describe is just procrastination, and needing external pressure to finish things. I am the same. But I don't think this needs to be attributed to "ADHD", it's just a type of behaviour.

There are several different types nowadays.Some of them are stimulants and some of them aren't.

They are effective for a certain number of hours and then wear off.

You don't have to take them every day. Can just take them eg on workdays or when you have a lot to get done etc.

Terrible. Always late. Always can't find their address and have to ask again 😟

YES

I was recently diagnosed and it's having measurable positive outcomes. House is much tidier, I'm saving lots of money through not wasting food etc, rebuying things I've lost, and doing a budget for the first time in my life! Being late and forgetting things less often too.

I'm losing things less often. Everything is more organised I. Cupboards etc. I'm more aware of what I'm doing somehow, so if I'm about to put my phone down in the laundry cupboard I will stop myself and say, no, you won't find it there. Whereas before, I don't know, I would just mindlessly set things down anywhere. I would be thinking of something inside my mind and just oblivious.

Everything seems easier. Previously something like logging into my bank to pay a bill would just seem so hard that it wouldn't get done, late charges etc. Now it seems easy and feels good!

The most amazing thing about the meds is that it magically seems like there are more hours in the day! I get so much accomplished, look around, and it's only 10 o'clock.

I was once told by a paediatrician that if a child can watch a video/TV for 15 minutes without moving from the sofa then its not ADHD. Not sure if this applies to adults though?

This is a very useful book, even if you don't have ADHD but just struggle lots, or don't want to take medications.

Other helpful strategies:

• Tiles or AirTags on everything that goes walkies - keys, bags, wallets etc
• Alexa devices - I've got one on the kitchen and one in the bedroom. I shout my shopping list at her, set reminders for everything, ask her what's in the calendar today while I'm running around

-Apple Watch - messages and phone calls come in there and if I'm wearing it I can't lose it. Alexa sends reminders to it too. Sometimes it will consent to helping me find my iPhone -put things where I can see them - bills and important letters go on the fridge -"touch it once" - I try as much as possible to enforce this where possible, rather than moving things around, put them where they need to go the first time. Eg when I pick up a piece of junk mail , take it directly and put it in the bin rather than on the counter or whatever

ADD isn’t a ‘thing’ anymore. Just 3 types of ADHD:
hyperactive
inattentive
combined

what was previously referred to as ADD is mostly now recognised as inattentive ADHD

I don’t send them at all as I constantly failed to post what I’d bought. Organising myself to get packaging, postage and address details was overwhelming.

As a natural result I don’t get cards and presents myself like someone who did this stuff would. It’s fair enough really.

Yes, I find multi step tasks like that the worst ... so many hurdles to jump. I tell you what's quite good actually is Moonpig because that is only one step, or maybe two in the beginning. Go online, choose and purchase card, you will need the address, but they print and post it for you.

Bonus is - make an account and they will save your addresses for you and even email you next year to remind you dad's birthday is coming up.

I don’t think it’s overdiagnosed. Awareness is simply being raised. Maybe the reality is 5% or so of women are neurodivergent which is going to look like a huge number of women talking about it/getting diagnosed as awareness is being raised when really we are still the minority wondering why we can’t function like the other 95%

What utter tosh!

I have ADHD as does my DS. We can both watch films and TV without issue.

Admittedly I have inattentive ADHD so have very few hyperactive/impulsive symptoms but my DS is combined type. As a child he used to fidget a lot when watching TV but could watch whole programmes/films. He doesn't fidget now as an adult as his hyperactive symptoms have lessened, which often happens in adulthood.

ADHD is an interest based disorder. If something is interesting and engaging we can focus on it. Interest, novelty and urgency enables us to focus attention. So if you find a film interesting you would likely be able to sit and watch it.

It is also highly variable. You never know what your symptoms are going to be like. You can't rely on what your executive functioning will be like on any particular day. So if sitting still to watch a film is something you find difficult as someone with ADHD, then some days you might be able to to do it with no issue, and other days you won't.

ADHD is NOT an inability to attend to anything at all consistently. It's an inability to direct your attention where you want it when you want to. And it's very variable and inconsistent. Unfortunately many medical professionals don't understand ADHD and insist on persisting myths and outdated stereotypes.

A lot of people have some of the experiences of ADHD. But actually having it makes everyday life a constant battle with yourself.
I have an actual medical diagnosis of ADD.
I have failed to settle on medication because the titration is so hard and the initial experience for me was that meds just sent me to sleep.
The thing that has helped about getting a diagnosis at age 58 is at least an explanation - and having a lifetime of others telling me how shit and lazy I am has an alternative explanation.
I am supposed to be working - my boss is getting quite nasty about some work I haven't done. It always amazes me that people won't look beyond the obvious - of course I understand I am being paid to do a job, but I do deliver value - just not in a super-organised way. Why does anyone think I would make an active choice to live my life being berated if there was an easy alternative I could take?

My mother and best friend don't accept the condition exists.

That's in the dark ages along with the " naughty snotty kid jumping off walls " ADHD stereotype. Many people can watch a film, read a book if it holds their attention.

@Pugdogmom @InattentiveADHD

Thank you - that's interesting to know.

I have ADD (so minus the hyperactive bit), and you sound exactly like me!