To want to go back to work after 3 months mat leave

[Forumqueen]

I am a fairly new starter at my role. And got pregnant pretty much straight after starting the role. I’m will be working until due date )fast approaching) I am entitled to 6 months FULL pay during mat leave . So naturally I was going to take 6 months off then come back.
my AIBU is that I’m still learning so much and there are so many great opportunities I am missing out on already by just being so heavily pregnant. My partner thinks I’m crazy to consider just taking 3 months off instead of the full 6 . However we have two primary aged kids already so I’ve experienced the whole full year off for mat leave. Right now I really want to progress on my career and I feel as though I will miss out on so many opportunities at work if I’m away for the full 6 months

me and my partner both have very flexible jobs and work from home. We plan on balancing work/ baby at home for the first year. So although I will be working I’ll still be with the baby.

has anyone gone back to work so quickly after having a baby when they had the option to take more time off. Am I crazy for even considering this?

It sounds like it's more about guilt. Do not feel guilty. You won't be the first woman to get pregnant quickly and you won't be the last. Take the full 6 months, enjoy them and then go back fully refreshed. I promise there is nothing you will miss in 3 months at work that you won't be able to catch up on later.

Nor mine. Manager found out that 3 women had pulled their children out of nursery and had them at home while working and pulled all 3 back into the office and revoked WFH. Their performance was affected and it wasn't fair on the rest of us.
And it was not a money issue. Their jobs are very well paid.

Well of course it’s up to you. And I’m sure all will be fine either way in the long term.

Perhaps see how you feel when you’ve had the baby. I know you’ve already got children but it’s hard to remember fully, and you can feel differently each time health wise.

If I was your friend or family member, I think I’d be advising you to take the full six months. I know you want to progress your career but the addition three months is unlikely to make a huge difference. Your health may suffer if you come back to soon, plus it would be incredibly hard to juggle baby and work like that.

I also think going back so soon might adversely affect career progression rather than assist it as I can’t believe you’d be at your best so quickly

Hr do officially have me down as taking 6 months off. But I was going to go back slightly earlier. Theres just this big opportunity at the 3 month mark which will help me with future promotions. But I’m taking what everyone is saying on board. I haven’t discussed this with anyone so it’s helpful.

Can you use the time to do a training course or something instead?

Thanks for this comment. Your totally right .

I went back after 4 months even though I had full pay for longer. But this was because covid added so much to my workload that it would have been impossible to complete all the tasks I needed to upon my scheduled return.
Due to covid we had no childcare either so were both balancing working full time with looking after the new arrival and honestly I almost had a breakdown. It was absolutely awful. I wouldn't have done it unless I had no choice, I really wouldn't recommend it if the reason is just that you think you'll miss out on some opportunities.

This opportunity at the 3 month mark - when will it come up again? How likely is it that there'll be other opportunities around the 6 month mark or just a bit after?

So although I will be working I’ll still be with the baby.

This is madness. If you want to go back after three months (which I find understandable, I hate maternity leave) then fine but you need childcare.

Based on my post birth recovery, there is no way in hell I would have been able to work after 3 months. I had a very poor recovery which I wasnt expecting at all. It was a nightmare.
Factor in the possibility of complications before you make a decision.

Personally I wouldnt return to work after 3 months. Im still on mat leave. Im having a full year and Im at the point of zero pay.
I would not change it for the world.
I couldnt imagine leaving my baby when she was 3 months old. She was poorly too and it just wouldnt have sat right with me.

Each to their own though. But I personally wouldnt put my job, however good the opportunities are, above my child.
Im sure the opportunities will still be there at a later date. Maybe do some KIT days.

Your DH should put his career where his mouth is and take shared parental leave...you take 3 months off then he takes 6 months then you take another 3, could that work?

I agree with everyone else that trying to work with a baby in the house is crazy. There's not enough hours in the week for you to work, care for a baby, sleep and engage with your older two.

Since my baby was 8 weeks old I have been back at work 1 day per week - WFH. Baby was supposed to be minded by my MIL but due to an unexpected illness she can't so DH now takes 1/2 day off and I make up the hours else where during the week. My employer knows and was happy with this.

It is so hard to concentrate when baby is in the house and I hear him. Also I find I am turning on the laptop every single day now to make up those other hours because I'm lucky to get 30 mins before he is awake again.

It's not easy to have the baby in the house and work. In your position I'm not sure I would.

You cannot look after a baby properly and work properly no matter how much you protest. You say a nanny could be an option, if so then employ one. You might do your career options more harm by trying to juggle both.

And honestly the first 3 months for me has been the only time I could do any work feasibly because both of mine have been very sleepy newborns. But at the 3mo mark they start to get more alert and require much more input and supervision. DD2 is 4mo and can cross a whole room by rolling in 30 seconds and is trying to grab everything to put in her mouth. When she's awake she has to be supervised.

If you honestly think that for the good of your career a 3 month mark return is best, then DP/Dh needs to take time as shared parental leave for the next 3 months to replace what you would have done.

Also, HR really shouldn't have you "down as taking 6 months" - they aren't allowed to do anything other than assume you are taking the full 12 months, and you notify them 8 weeks before you plan to return.

Remember the possibility of KIT days, if there are particular courses/events you don't want to miss. I'm sure most things will still be there for you to pick up on if you take the full six months. You'll be working until you're 68 - plenty of time to progress in your career.

I will admit to going back to my (very part-time) job a couple of weeks before my 6 months of 90% pay ran out, but that was because a new cycle of work was starting and someone doing the first fortnight was not going to save me much work. KIT days didn't exist then, or I might have done it that way.

Why not look at shared parental leave and see what your DH would be entitled to if he took leave. You also get more kit day (10 on mat leave & 20 on spl) so maybe you could maybe stay officially on leave but do 2 kit day a week for a couple of months, so your not completely gone from work.

I said yabu purely because you don't know how you'll feel when the time comes so better to plan for taking the full allowance and then see how you go. Would you be able to share your leave with your partner so he gets more time off? I'm finishing work very soon and it's hard to let things go and switch off especially working in a fast pace environment but I'd say the purpose of maternity leave is to allow for you to physically and mentally get the chance to recover from birth and pregnancy, spend time attaching with your baby and figuring them out as a little individual and focusing on your family. To me work and opportunities will still be there in another 3 months but expecting yourself to be back to work and running at full speed around 12 weeks after a baby sounds like a lot of pressure to put on yourself. You might get there and feel able for it in which case fair enough, but don't plan for that.

I like the KIT day options. I will discuss this with my manager. Thank for suggestions

My Patnter sais he isn’t even entitled to the two weeks off- he’s employer has refused….he sais he will take this off as annual leave. (Started new job in Aug not sure if this is the reason I will ask) Come to think of it I’m sure he won’t take the full two weeks off even! I was under the impression everyone got paternity leave

Is he dad to the elder two?

Can you break your mat leave? So do 3 months return for opportunity and then have 3 months at a later date.

if yes, don’t juggle work and baby at home. Get proper childcare or get your DH to take leave.

I’m a barrister. I have several colleagues who have come back on mat leave to do a case and then gone back on mat leave. Majority of us are self employed so can do this. We also don’t get maternity pay above SMA so often a lucrative case can fund more time off in the long run.

I took around 3.5 to 4 months maternity leave with my two DC. I left them in the care of a full-time live-in nanny when I returned to work. I felt under pressure to return in order to maintain career momentum. With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I had taken at least 6 months out with both DC. 3 months is such a tiny amount of time in context of a multi-decade career, whereas those extra 3 months make such a difference in the life and development of a baby. If I had my time again, I'd have taken 6-9 months of maternity leave. You must do what feels right for you, of course, but those are the thoughts of someone who has actually done what you are proposing. Whatever you decide, good luck with it all. x

This isn’t true, I had around 7 months off. I always knew I would have that much time off and HR always knew that would be my return date because that is what I told them I wanted to do.

It sounds like OP has told HR that she wants to take 6 months but is considering less.

I said YABU OP But only because you think you can do it without childcare. That’s just a bad idea especially if you’re doing it because you want to focus on your career.

As I said above I went back when baby was 6 months old (I had a month off before the birth as had a very stressful role) I think at around 4 months I could have gone back part time. Baby really turned a corner around then however the sleep was still terrible!

I plan on taking 6/7 months again with the next DC, I think it’s a good compromise of time with baby over career progression. And because baby started nursery so young he is so well settled now! Absolutely loves it and we didn’t have a lot of the issues other parents have when baby starts nursery age 1.

Also, HR really shouldn't have you "down as taking 6 months" - they aren't allowed to do anything other than assume you are taking the full 12 months, and you notify them 8 weeks before you plan to return.

Presumably she means that she's told HR she plans to take 6 months (as per the OP), so that's what they have down.

I'm currently on mat leave and told work I'd be taking 9 months.