Just curios, why did you have children?

[micedontpaint]

What made you decide to have children? What was the thought process there?

I just think it's interesting. I never intended to have children but very glad mine came along. I could never see a reason to have any, in fact I did not want to bring children into this world at all.

But if you did decide to, why was that exactly?

Spent years not wanting them but one day realised l would seriously regret it if l.didn't have any

It’s not something I’d ever thought about, there hadn’t been a yes or no thought process or anything like that. I then ended up being asked to provide essentially emergency care for a child for a few days, those few days eventually were going to be six weeks, those six dragged on a little more. I then had to spend the next two years fighting so hard to prevent him being matched with someone else.

He’s great, but I was very unsure about having another for quite a while as getting to the point of permanence with him was so long and so stressful, I wasn’t sure if I could cope with it again, especially as there was the risk he could gain and then lose a sibling. Thankfully the second time around was much much easier.

I don't know why really but it's just something I've always wanted. Probably just a psychological urge and natures way of keeping the human race going...

Was pretty adamant on not having kids for most of my adulthood. To the point of being quite obtuse about it all.
Then I met DP and it suddenly felt right.

My dad was dying and I made a deal with the universe. If he lived, I’d have a baby. He was an excellent father and I knew he’d be an incredible grandfather & I really wanted that for him and for me I suppose.

He lived, so I had a baby. Sadly, he has never recovered fully from his illness (sepsis) & has not be able to be the grandparent I sort of imagined. I have no regrets.

What is your AIBU? I’m not sure how to vote. Seems like blindly following the “norm”:is key answer here or spouse pressure. Shame people do not choose,more wisely. I gave a great deal of thought re that I didn’t actually want kids and chose a husband that thought the same.

I think there are two types of women.

Those who have /want to have partners and DC are a side effect of that relationship either through new desire or contraceptive failure.

Then those who yearn for DC and see relationships as a means to an end to get pregnant.

I was definitely in the latter camp.

I'm really not bothered about relationships. I am in a long term one but it was kind of by accident. I didn't want to get tied down.

I assumed I'd have DC on my own and was happy with that.

DC are for life. You never know if a relationship is for life until you're dead.

I was a silly teenager and didn't use contraception basically. Didn't have any "yearning" I was just dumb. I was 17 when I got pregnant and had DC at 18. He's my only child, he's 14 now.

DC are for life. You never know if a relationship is for life until you're dead.

DH and I have been married 32 years. I’m 61 and he is 72. I’m as certain as I can possibly be that our marriage is for life.

Never wanted kids....until I met now dh. Something clicked inside of me thinking this is the one who will make a brilliant dad. Despite having awful pnd and learning not to be a selfish pig in who comes first now I love ds so much. Dh is of course brilliant with him and misses him when he's a work and is very hands on.

I wasn’t interested in having children when I was in my early twenties (I knew I’d want to at some point, just not then), then when DH and I got together it became part of our plan.

I’ve got OCD, which was rather debilitating in my younger years, and I feel that I’ve wasted a lot of years on that instead of enjoying myself. I’ve learned to manage it well, and I wanted to focus my energy on a child, have fun raising them, and achieve something great ❤️👶

DH and I married at 27, I came off the pill, and our plan was to have two kids by 30 .. but fertility problems meant it didn’t happen that way. I tried to convince myself that it’d be fine if I didn’t have kids, but it hurt and I felt so guilty because it was my fertility problems that were stopping DH having children. I even offered multiple times to divorce him so he could meet someone else and have a family. I’m glad he refused!

Anyway, with a bit of help I managed to have DS at 33, and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m so proud of him, and I’d love to have another if we’re lucky enough to.

Sorry for the long post. I’m in tears writing it .. it’s a very emotional subject.

Always knew I wanted them. As a high-achiever in a private school sixth form people kept asking what I wanted to do with my life and I really struggled to think of anything except that I wanted to be a mum! I never said that because it wouldn't have been the done thing but that would have been the truth. I did actually go to university and find a career before actually having kids in my late 20s.

That's very judgmental and inaccurate. Most answers seem to be that people always knew they wanted them. Not that they were pressured into conforming. The 'great deal of thought' is then when the best time to have them is, and how to make it work with parental leave, etc.

Great that you've made your own choice but there's no need to feel weirdly superior about it.

That's really interesting! I turned 35 last week and checked-in with myself about this topic but stayed with the totally opposite conclusion to you!

To me, the 'whole point to all of this shit' is my enjoyment the time I am on the earth. My enjoyment. I don't have a drive to leave a legacy or leave my mark or whatever.

We're all made of the same stuff (what is it mostly carbon or water or something) but we all have different drives...we must be the only species like that!

An overwhelming biological urge, I suppose. At some point I just went from being ambivalent to desperately wanting a baby (and two early miscarriages made the feeling even more acute). Interestingly, once I’d had a baby the urge vanished and has never reappeared, so we’ve stuck with one child.

My mum always seemed to enjoy motherhood, so from the time I was very small I expected I would enjoy motherhood too. I thought it would be fun. It has been. One of the things I like best is seeing the world through a child's eyes.

My youngest is 16 and still likes doing many childish things. Being with her fills me with joy.

Oddly though, I have lost interest in younger children as mine have grown up. I assumed I was just someone who "liked children" because I always had liked them. Hope my interest returns by the time I have grandchildren, if that happens!

Honest answer, the push I needed was that I hated my job and studying and wanted a break maternity leave.

I was very broody though, we'd been married for 3 years and had just moved into our family home so we were ready.

I have a theory too!

I think there are people who are really enjoying their lives at this point and feeling super stimulated and motivated in their careers and then there are people who get to 35 and are completely sick of thinking about themselves, bored of the navel gazing and keen to do something different. I was the latter.

I wanted “family life” and everything that entailed, I had 4 years of trying, losses, infertility to think about it and I would look on at families at the park, on outings, in restaurants, at events, and just yearn for it. So far, DD is only one, it has been harder but also much better than I could have imagined, watching her grow and learn and getting to form a close emotional bond has been incredible.