Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just curios, why did you have children?

119 replies

micedontpaint · 02/11/2022 13:55

What made you decide to have children? What was the thought process there?

I just think it's interesting. I never intended to have children but very glad mine came along. I could never see a reason to have any, in fact I did not want to bring children into this world at all.

But if you did decide to, why was that exactly?

OP posts:
VariationsonaTheme · 02/11/2022 16:29

Because I got pregnant.

Never had an overwhelming desire to have my own children (even though I very much enjoyed teaching small children), but knew that if I had one I would then want more, because I think siblings are important for all kinds of reasons.

KimberleyClark · 02/11/2022 16:31

LocalHobo · 02/11/2022 15:53

I had never thought about children, and felt very ambivalent about having them. Then I met my now DH. I fell totally in love with him and wanted to be with him always. The next step after marriage was an overwhelming wish to see if we could create a child together.
Sounds a bit vom inducing, but it was our relationship that made me want DC.

Same here. For me having children was a corollary of being married to DH, I’d never been particularly broody before then. As it happened I couldn’t have them, but we decided against donor gametes or adoption and I would never have considered going it alone had I not met DH. Not that that was really a thing back then.

Echobelly · 02/11/2022 16:33

Thought it would be really interesting. And it has been. I'm not especially maternal or 'good with kids' but it's been a blast for the most part.

caroleanboneparte · 02/11/2022 16:33

I can't remember ever not wanting dc. I was broody from my early teens and would have been a very young mum given the chance.

I had a very small family and envied people who had big families and extended families. I knew if I wanted that I had to make it for myself.

I wasn't particularly drawn to the childhood part of parenting, I more saw that as something to be endured before the more long term relationship with adult dc.

TallulahBetty · 02/11/2022 16:34

My biological clock suddenly went off and I had that I MUST REPRODUCE RIGHT NOW feeling that I'd previously assumed was a myth.

autienotnaughty · 02/11/2022 16:37

1st was an accident
2nd thought might as well have a friend for 1st (they are not friends)
3rd well why not?

Mosik · 02/11/2022 16:37

PanettoneMoly · 02/11/2022 15:46

Completely ambivalent towards having children, I think I’d be living a different but equally fulfilling life had I not had DD but DH wanted desperately to be a dad, and he’s a fabulous one so she’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Plus she’s great, and I’d choose having her every time. Even if all I do hear at the moment is “Mummy, no! Stoppit!”.

However I never had the urge that others speak of which left me in a different mental spot to PP’s in terms of biological clocks etc. The selfish gene never really kicked in (before anyone flames me, that’s a light hearted reference to the Dawkins hypothesis/book I read at uni, NOT a statement that all people who have kids are selfish)

I had no urge, didn't even like children, never really met any as an adult. Biological clock told me now or never and I feared regret if I chose never. It was the right choice. When I think that by the toss of a coin I could have missed out on the fabulous world changing experience of having my (now adult) DC.

Of course I would never have known what I was missing.

cptartapp · 02/11/2022 16:39

No real desire tbh, just fear of missing out.
Now older teens, it's been the absolute best.

Babdoc · 02/11/2022 16:40

I didn’t want them initially. I had abusive parents, and I associated families with misery and violence. When I was in my thirties, and had spent over a decade with much loved DH, I began to wonder if perhaps I would regret not having them.
So we had two in quick succession. DH showed me how to be a loving parent. Then, just before the baby’s first birthday, he died of a brain haemorrhage.
Thank goodness that he gave me 16 years of love and memories to draw on, as I had to raise my two DDs to adulthood as a single parent. He did a good job, I love them both to bits.

Chomolungma · 02/11/2022 16:43

I just always wanted them, from when I was a teen. Although I did follow the traditional route of getting married and having a career first, so I didn't actually get pregnant until I was 30.

Fairislefandango · 02/11/2022 16:44

I just always wanted to and assumed I would. I was brought up in a happy family and wanted that for myself. The main reason people want children is surely that the default position is that we are biologically programmed to want children though, whatever other, more conscious reasons we might add to that. Of course we can choose not to.

BeanCounterBabe · 02/11/2022 16:44

Don like children but always assumed I would have them at some point, it’s what most people do. Got intensely broody at 29/30 and hormones bypassed my brain. Went from not bothered to desperate practically overnight.

stopitstopitnow · 02/11/2022 16:45

TBH I don't really know. I never felt a need for children but when my contraception failed I decided to go through with it. I love my (now adult), DD and I'm so glad I had her but I never felt the urge for another.

minipie · 02/11/2022 16:49

40% strong biological urge which hit about age 30/31

40% thinking life would be more interesting and varied with children (it’s certainly that 😂)

10%, if I’m honest, it’s just what everyone did and so I always expected to do.

I think things have changed a lot in the last 10 years in terms of how many people are choosing to be childfree - or at least my awareness of it has changed.

newfence · 02/11/2022 16:50

I never wanted children, was adamant, but then I got to 35 and my ovaries took over! Never known a yearning like it. So glad they did. 💕

minipie · 02/11/2022 16:50

Just realised that only adds up to 90% … whoops!

newfence · 02/11/2022 16:57

In fact, it was the reason that me and my long term partner splut up. We got together as we were both of the opinion that we never wanted children. Then my ovaries went nuts but he still didn't want them. So I had to leave. He has since told me that, seeing me with my child now, he regrets us not having them together. He adores my child and they adore him. It is what it is though - I have zero regrets and my husband is actually the real love of my life. Life has a way of working things out for you sometimes, doesn't it.

quietnightmare · 02/11/2022 16:59

As others have said. The urge and it felt right

KillingLoneliness · 02/11/2022 17:08

when I was a child I said I always wanted to have kids, in my teens I changed my mind and wasn’t interested in the idea and thought I’d have children in my 30’s ( which is my current age now) I ended up pregnant at 20 and I fell pregnant again 8 months after my first was born as my contraception failed! I wouldn’t change them for the world and adore them to pieces but it’s been tough being a younger mum!

moggiek · 02/11/2022 17:12

Overwhelming biological drive.

Mumoblue · 02/11/2022 17:16

I didn’t like the idea of kids when I was little, then when I was twelve my mother had my brother. I remember being fascinated with him from the day he was born, looking at this tiny baby and realising “There’s a whole person in this little body!” - I liked watching him learn and develop- I went into childcare when I got older and slowly realised I wanted kids.

I originally wanted two, but after my son came along I realised that I was quite happy with one and didn’t feel the need to have any more (good job too, because I split with his dad).

Yousee · 02/11/2022 17:57

I'm from an amazing family and I wanted to make an amazing family.
Also, I'm fascinated by genes, if I could easily have 100 kids without all the physical/emotional/financial chaos just to see what 100 combinations of me and DH look like, I probably would!

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 02/11/2022 18:14

I fell pregnant, having given up on the idea of being able to 'stay pregnant' after multiple MCs a few years earlier.
I'd just left my then husband, so I wasn't too delighted to find out that I was pregnant.
However, termination was not an option in my mind, and so adjusted life and have my darling DC!

PinkSyCo · 02/11/2022 18:15

Have had a maternal instinct since forever. Could not wait to be a mum.

PurpleFlower1983 · 02/11/2022 18:17

When I met the right man (finally!) aged 31 after 9 years with a twat. I got pregnant at 34 6 months after we got married.