To think I haven’t actually done anything wrong here?

[ImAnnoyedActually]

I’m putting on my hard hat for this, genuinely interested to see if MN thinks I am being U

Currently on mat leave with DC2 (3mo). Went to visit a friend this afternoon, left around 1 and got home at 5:10. Friend lives about half an hour away from us.

DH rang me at 5:05 (just after he finished work wfh) to see where I was. I answered straight away and said I was on the high street (which is less than 5 mins from our house) so nearly home. I offered to pick up DD1 from nursery as I was already out but DH said he would do it to avoid messing the baby around getting him in and out of the car (nursery is only round the corner so we usually walk). He normally does every pick up anyway as he likes the moment when DD sees him and runs over for a big cuddle (I have offered to pick up DD before but he’s said he enjoys it so it’s not like its an extra job for him iyswim)

DH leaves just before I get in. Before he gets back I put dinner on. He comes back in a sulk because I didn’t tell him what I was doing.

Meet up with friend was in the shared calendar (along with her address) for 1 hour as that’s the default setting on my phone and when I put it in I had no idea how long I’d be there. DH says he shouldn’t have had to call me to find out what the plans are. I said sorry, next time I’ll message when I’m leaving friends so you know I’m on my way home. He keeps up his sulk but AIBU to think I haven’t actually done anything wrong here? I agree it would have been more considerate to message him as I was leaving but I was distracted chatting to friend and by baby and knew I’d be home around the time he’d finish work.

As soon as he tried to contact me I answered so it’s not like he’s been left wondering for hours where I am but it is apparently a massive inconvenience for him to have to ring me?

He’s been in a snit all evening and after initially saying sorry I’m now feeling he’s being a bit of a twat about it.

YABU - is really inconsiderate to not let partner know what time you’ll be home. Do better!

YANBU - it’s mildly inconsiderate to not message when leaving but hasn’t actually caused an issue for DH and he’s making a mountain out of a mole hill

I’ll take MN judgement on this!

I haven’t voted because I agree with neither option. I don’t think you were even mildly inconsiderate, not one tiny bit. What the fuck has it got to do with him how long you’re at your friends when he’s in work? He comes across as quite controlling and manipulative here.

He's being a twat

He’s massively overreacting, but if he was wfh didn’t you just pop your head in before you left the house to say bye?

I did vote YANBU but basically agree with @Peashoots

He's being totally unreasonable! You answered the phone, it was in the diary (admittedly not for the right amount of time, but it at least gave him a good idea of where you were) - you should not need to ring him up to tell him you're leaving.

Why does he need to know where you are all the time ?? Why cant you go out and come home when you like ?

It's not inconsiderate in the slightest. He's being weirdly controlling.

Even the idea of putting this in a shared diary is bizarre to me. It honestly wouldn’t occur to me to tell my husband that I’m going to a friends while he’s working, let alone give him a time when I’ll be home.

He's at work, he usually picks up your child, you would be home by the time he gets home with child, no problem. Even if you're home slightly later but within kids after work schedule, no need for him to know what you're up to minute by minute.

I have voted YANBU but agree with @Peashoots

I did say bye when he popped out at lunch, he knew I’d be gone before he got back

Good grief! You did nothing wrong. He sounds like hard work. If anyone should be apologising it is him

The shared calendar is just the default on my phone. I just usually don’t bother to change it

He's being ridiculous and I would suspect that perhaps he's using this excuse to sulk when he's perhaps feeling put out about something else. Obviously I can't say this for sure, but possibilities could be that he's attention seeking a bit as youve got young children and sometimes couples have issues with one or both feeling like the other doesnt have as much time for them. I realise your op doesn't suggest anything like this and it really is only a possible suggestion and I am making it as he's not being reasonable here xxx

I think you might be on to something here

This is ridiculous tbh 😂 why does he need to know where you are every minute of the day? If he normally picks the kid up then what difference does it make if you're out? OH and I always call each other to find out what we're up to/when we'll be home etc. I thought that was pretty standard tbh!

I don’t understand how that could be in any way inconsiderate. You not being in the house when he finished work had no effect on him at all, he still did the nursery run as planned. You were even home in time to make his dinner so wtf is he complaining about?! He’s being a controlling twat and you have nothing to apologise for.

Fair enough.
What’s he like usually? Is he generally laid back about you having a social life, or does he usually sulk?

How dare you not be at home stirring tea as he gets in the door.
Tell him 1950 rang and want him back.

This. He's being a knob.

Rather weird and controlling behaviour.

He always used to be alright but between covid and two little ones there haven’t been nearly as many opportunities to go out more recently (DD was a 2020 baby so is still pretty little)

he’s definitely become grumpier in the last 2 years

the sulking really annoys me though, it certainly doesn’t have it’s intended effect. Just makes me think he’s being a bit of a dick 🤷‍♀️

Totally agree with this and I couldn't vote.

I’m pleased you’re all agreeing with me, I was starting to have a bit of doubt creep in!

Not sure how to talk to him about it though. I don’t think “sorry not sorry” will be particularly constructive!

I couldn’t understand your question at first then realised that he was WFH. I don’t agree with any of your options. We usually tell each other about leaving the house, just in case. It was the same in my parents house, courtesy I supposed. I was in the kitchen this morning, DH shouted: Bye, I’m off. If he is on Zoom I will open door a bit and signal that I’m off. In your case my DH would call and say : Ohh I haven’t realised you left. I would say: oh yes, I went to see Jane, forgot to tell you. The end. No sulk at all.
By the way we also tell each other when we will be back. Again I always thought it’s a common courtesy if you live in the same house.