To be upset about halloween?

[Ano12nnn]

Just woke up to lots of notifications on WhatsApp and Facebook of everyone’s halloween with the kids. I feel sorry for my kids aged 6 and 2. I know I can turn off notifications but that’s not the point.

DH always minimises how I feel and even last night when I said I feel bad for the kids as no one wants to ever make plans with us he replied “well we live in UK not America, no one does halloween here”. Total lie as I can see from these pictures all of DD’s friends got together and had a halloween party. I really do try and suggest we do something with DD’s friends but it always like “yeah we should, let me get back to you” but nothing from them.

one of the mums I’m really close with (or so I thought) but even she did something last night and didn’t invite me or my kids.

I feel really down. We’re moving to a new street soon (sane area) I really want to make a fresh start and get to know my neighbours. DH again minimises me and said no one in London chats to neighbours. I feel so lonely. I’m not from here and always assumed kids would make lots of friends and I would too through them.

'Party bus' or bandwagon? I know he's merely male but is he not allowed an alternative opinion? I was always the one who wasn't too bothered about Halloween, OH was a legend in the neighbourhood, groups would come from other roads just to our house!

I had to reply, I’ve literally joined today because I’m in a really similar situation.

I have probably had about 10 parties at my house (eldest DS year3) where I have invited various of my two sons friends. Also mums that I met my village baby group, their children and partners. Whenever we go out and I’m included it’s because I have arranged it.
after coming to my house for an Easter egg hunt they all went to a concert and didn’t invite me. I didn’t know about it until they put it on instagram.
I’m never included in anybody else’s plans. And actually most of these people, my sons have never even stepped foot in their houses. Just this past school year I had one of my sons friends round seven times. He was never invited in return. But when I asked his mum she always said yea he loves coming to your house….

I’m honestly at my wits end what to do I’ve tried so hard to make friends and try to have a group of friends that my children can see outside of school. And it seems it three or four of them make friends together and then just stick to inviting those three or four friends to everything.
I’ve really tried to break myself into the groups but I just feel like I’m always on the outside and it being my sons who suffer. I just really feel for my kids, because I can do something for them but they will never have it done for them in return. We are nice family. Have a nice house we both work hard and whenever the children come here they always have a really lovely time as I will go out of my way to do something special, even if it’s their favourite pudding etc but I’m just a bit sick of being the one that’s doing it or never getting invited in return. We didn’t do anything last night. Then again on social media, somebody else had a party, practically invited everyone I normally would apart from me and my children. My two sons are doing well at school, they don’t get into trouble, and have a little group of friends and I always try to help people out and do things for people and the village community and it’s just never returned. But everyone is happy to come to my house, eat my food, drink my drink and bring all their children including siblings and then leave.
I’ve cried about it today as I’m lonely and feel like I’m doing something wrong for my children.

Just go trick or treating with your own kids, no need for plans with others. If you want to invite other people then do it yourself, don't wait for them.

I never knew my neighbours when I lived in London.
I also never went to a Halloween party until i was at least 10 years old, so I guess I missed out on two important things!

I think you should of done something yourself with your children. Put a Halloween film on, carve pumpkins and make easy baked treats. I never went to parties for Halloween and never felt like I was missing out

Why do you need to do halloween with others???

You should have done it with your own children to be fair xx

My son is a young adult now and he's never had a clue what Halloween is.
Every Birthday he still gazes blankly at his presents.
His childhood passed him by without him ever knowing who Santa is.
His disability has him trapped far away in a world where we can't reach him.
I still long for him to talk to me even though I have never known any different.
Every event. Every Christmas. Every Birthday.
That's what I cry for.

Just take them out on your own. What's wrong with that?

I think a lot of us feel like that and it’s a shame we aren’t all at the same school!

not hi jacking the thread but showing understanding that we are in the same situation and know how tricky it can be.

I often think that nothing has changed since leaving school and those cliquey groups continue throughout life.

Great advice from @waterrat . I would’ve messaged your child’s best friend’s parent and said can you trick or treat together as your child has no one to go with or just taken the kids out anyway. I’ve found that it’s often the case that where DD’s friends have siblings who are also similar age, those families do a lot together, it’s nothing personal. I think you may need to be a bit more direct with people.

@lizzardinablizzard I'm sorry that is so shit. Rule of life - about 10 per cent of people are wankers and sometimes people are anxious/ socially shy/ having a bad day/ their pet goldfish died/ their husband left them that morning - we never know.

It is true you have to put yourself out there - but unfortunately some people will just be dicks about it.

I totally get it - yesterday I smiled and asked another mum a question as we were waiting for something to start - just a general 'so, are you a parent of xx ' and she just said 'yeh' and turned away - I felt the burn! It was so obvious I was starting a conversation - and I'm an outgoing person so can take it but it just felt mean.

I am actually still feeling the cringe of the woman blanking my attempt at chat so I do get it.

Perhaps the person also blanking your attempt at chat was also feeling shy or socially awkward and it wasn't intended as rude?

Why didn’t you take them out trick or treating?

Most kids don’t attend group functions on Halloween

Thank you so much for the responses and advice. To answer a few questions:

we did go trick and treating just the kids and me. No we didn’t bump into any families. We didn’t get trick or treaters. Maybe our street is an exception. My kids did have a lovely time but I felt upset thinking they’re missing out after seeing the groups together. It would have been lovely to join up with others. I really do try.

DD had a big party last year and I invited the whole class. It was lovely and I met lots of parents then but since there’s been nothing.

Are there organised parties locally? For example the large town nearest us has a Halloween fest for kids 5-10

That might be an option for next year?

*groups together - on WhatsApp status updates and Facebook pics. Didn’t see anyone in RL just on the social media. We actually saw no one on our trick or treat walk

Your kids had a lovely time, they are not missing out. Try to stop feeling guilty about it💐

I have a group picture of neighbours as we all happened to bump into each other.
If i put it on social media it might look like a planned group but it wasn't.

Also the year we did go as a group took much longer at every door hearing the same jokes and more queuing. It was nice to meet up, but had it's disadvantages too.

When mine were very little, we used to make Halloween biscuits. Then we went trick or treating to our neighbours, introduced ourselves and offered them a home made biscuit. It was how we got to know people. Maybe you could do something like that at Christmas as a way to get to know neighbours?