To be upset about halloween?

[Ano12nnn]

Just woke up to lots of notifications on WhatsApp and Facebook of everyone’s halloween with the kids. I feel sorry for my kids aged 6 and 2. I know I can turn off notifications but that’s not the point.

DH always minimises how I feel and even last night when I said I feel bad for the kids as no one wants to ever make plans with us he replied “well we live in UK not America, no one does halloween here”. Total lie as I can see from these pictures all of DD’s friends got together and had a halloween party. I really do try and suggest we do something with DD’s friends but it always like “yeah we should, let me get back to you” but nothing from them.

one of the mums I’m really close with (or so I thought) but even she did something last night and didn’t invite me or my kids.

I feel really down. We’re moving to a new street soon (sane area) I really want to make a fresh start and get to know my neighbours. DH again minimises me and said no one in London chats to neighbours. I feel so lonely. I’m not from here and always assumed kids would make lots of friends and I would too through them.

If I'm trying to arrange stuff with DDs friends I normally message along the lines of

"Is Gertrude free on either Wednesday or Thursday after school next week to come to ours for a play. I can collect from school and give dinner etc."

I give them a couple of options and am specific about the details. People have busy lives and I don't think it works if you are not specific about stuff.

I actually think it's way more common to have a party like that with cousins and/or family friends than school friends. But most people I know with kids that age (mine are around the same age) either just did something at home and took them trick or treating or went to a community event.

Sounds like you’ve got some not so nice parents (or just parents who maybe already knew each other and aren’t being deliberately unkind but are busy and forgot about you).

Throw your 2 yo a party for their birthday - invite their nursery friends and use it as an opportunity to meet their friends parents, get some phone numbers and arrange a follow up play date with some of them?

With your 6 yo, why don’t you ask one of her friends to go trampolining or bowling or something, and suggest to the mum that you could both get a coffee while they’re bouncing/bowling/soft playing?

I moved areas when my oldest was 2 and it is tough making ‘mum friends’. You just need some people to hang around with when you’ve got young kids, some adult company, and it is hard to find it.

So you have the situation:

Friend: Can I come to your house DD?
You : You're welcome to come; but I'll have to check with your mum
Friend's mum: <something airy fairy>
You: Well how about friend comes over on Friday after school?
Friend's mum: <still something airy fairy???>

Here halloween is about going out trick or treating and bumping into neighbours also out in the street. Go out with your two children and have a lovely time next year. If you have friends in the street you will seee them along the way if not people are generally quite happy and chatty.

We have never been pumpkin picking or to a Halloween party but kids have a great time on the night. Social media makes it look much more than it is.

There’s been a lot of posts on here the last day or so from parents feeling left out because their child wasn’t invited etc. Why not have a party next year and invite kids well in advance?

Your post is a major red flag

Don’t wait for invitations or a group - next year, just dress your children up and take them out (to decorated houses) yourself.

Your DH isn’t entirely wrong by the way- in most of the south of England Hallowe’en didn’t traditionally involve trick or treating, and many people (us included) don’t do it (trick or treating or Hallowe’en).

Try joining local groups, ex-pat groups and starting a new hobby to meet people. You’ll meet more people I expect as your children go through primary school.

My dad was like that

“I hate Halloween. It’s begging. No one does it. It’s American”

I don’t follow that. We do Halloween here and we all enjoy it

Did you do anything for Halloween? As others have said, there are plenty of ways to make it fun for children without a party.

It sounds as though your dd has made friends at school. Aim to start small- try inviting one child over for a couple of hours after school.
I don’t think you can expect to make a big circle of friends yourself through your children. For whatever reason, that hasn’t happened.

If you’re lonely, would dh look after the dc one evening a week so you can have an outside hobby, join a club or book group?
This is more about you feeling lonely and friendless than your children x

I think your husband is right, the majority of 6 year olds won't be doing much for Halloween. My daughter is in year 1, I have a lot of friends on Facebook with kids aged 5 or 6. Only two have put anything on SM about Halloween, and both of those have older kids aged 8 or 9 as well as the 5 year old. I think it does tend to be more for 8+.

However if you are more concerned about not being invited to the Halloween "do", then inviting people to yours with a concrete plan is the best way to get around airy fairy answers.

Do you invite your 6 year old's friends for playdates, and if so do they come? Has she gone to their houses?

The children we do Halloween activities, Christmas activities etc with are the same children DS has already done lots of playdates with - we know where we stand with them and their families and that makes it relaxed and fun.

Your husband's attitude is not unusual among English people (re Halloween) and men (re not being arsed to exchange pleasant chit chat). But it isn't working for you, so continue being friendly and building up the playdates. And don't be afraid to get out doing stuff like trick or treating just with your own children - as someone said already, that is what most people we saw were doing, so you are totally normal there.

I have taken my kids trick or treating before on their own, why didn't you and the kids just go .?

You don't need other people , to go and have fun with your kids.

How do you come to that conclusion? At the ages of ops kids mine went out for a short trick or treat session, after a gory Halloween tea. Sometimes we'd invite a few friends ( children) round.
I am still good friends with a few mums but my children decided who they liked to hang out with.

You could have taken them trick or treating on your own, I’ve done that before! Also when inviting people do you day “we should do something” and then don’t bother after that or do you say “do you want to meet at the park after school on Tuesday?” You need to get details straight and actually invite people rather than a vague “oh we must meet up soon”.

Thank you everyone. Truthfully I am really shy and introverted so inviting people is a big thing for me that’s why it hurts more when I’m met with airy fairy responses. I have made concrete plans in the past e.g. I’m taking dd for ice cream on Friday after school why don’t you and (insert child name) come too? The mums are friendly enough but always seem busy but then I see WhatsApp updates and I can see they all meet up with each other.

At 6 and 2 there is no need to do anything. Social media is bound to be full if the few people who made a big effort. Halloween parties aren't generally huge. Usually just a few friends. Nothing to stop you organising one but you kind of need a friend with same age dc. I'd just leave it til dc are older than take them both trick or treating getting together with one or two parents.

I have no interest in Halloween nor do my kids

That's a helpful contribution to the thread

Thanks for letting us know

Always good to know Ta

Oh that’s hard :(

oeople are thoughtless and also lazy. They are taking the easy way out by sticking with the people they know and not extending a welcome to you

maybe start with a definite play date, pick up the kids from school, throw the BEST play date ever, then a pick up, ask the parent in for a glass of wine?

hod, I don’t miss those days, I always felt so awkward:(

No it does not, dont be so cruel.

@londongals And how the fuck is that relevant to the OP's dilemma? 🙄