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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think family party will be a disaster?

114 replies

Mummyongin · 31/10/2022 06:55

Ok, so maybe disaster is a bit dramatic but I’m worried that my mum is mostly planning it and she hasn’t got a grip. Do I need to intervene?

My mum and her sister are hosting a joint 70th birthday party in January. It will be first family celebration for years, with relatives coming from all over the country and loads of kids aged 0-14.

So far they have a hall hired. They have no food, no entertainment, no invites have gone out. They have no plan for how to entertain the kids. They are worried about the impact of loud music on those hard of hearing. They are both quite introverted individuals but the rest of the family is not and I’m seriously worried! Should I be?

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 31/10/2022 06:56

No food?!

happystory · 31/10/2022 06:58

Sounds like you need to help! Is it local to you?

Pleatherandlace · 31/10/2022 07:00

Are they open to you getting involved and helping them plan? (Do you want to!)

Dinoteeth · 31/10/2022 07:00

Invites aren't an issue, I'm assuming this is a big family party, you siblings and cousins will know about it.

Entertainment and food need sorting.
Does the venue have a bar?

Also beware of guests dropping out lots will be skint by January.

ivykaty44 · 31/10/2022 07:02

What time of day is the hall booked?

do they plan to have food?
would you get catering in?
Could a big chilli con carne be made?
is there a kitchen at the hall?

how many guest?

do you want to intervene

get a magician for the children? The adults will usually love it as well

sorcerersapprentice · 31/10/2022 07:03

Yes, you need to intervene and book something up. You've got to provide food if people are travelling.
I would look into some sort of quiet, gentle entertainment. Singer and guitar? Duo with some backing racks of their favourite type of music? There's lots of them around - post on local live music Facebook groups saying what you are looking for and you will get lots of response.

They sound like they don't really know what to do, and probably don't if they haven't really done this type of event before

sorcerersapprentice · 31/10/2022 07:05

You also need to order a cake!

lannistunut · 31/10/2022 07:05

Can't you offer to help? At least if you help with food and drink then people can chat when they get there.

I don't think children's entertainment is required.

WilsonandNoodles · 31/10/2022 07:06

Is the hall just one room or does it have a side room that can be set up with some comfy chairs and no music?
If not start off with tables out, buffet food etc then clear some tables and put the music on. Get the kids some giant floor games that can be set out, have a colouring table, put some mini magic sets or equivalent on the tables. The sorts of things to keep them busy but they can play with the adults.

luxxlisbon · 31/10/2022 07:09

It’s only October, relax.
I wouldn’t have the details for a birthday party planned over 3 months in advance either.

You’re overthinking it, there doesn’t need to be entertainment, you don’t need to plan in advance for how kids will be entertained. Sometimes overplanning sucks the fun out of things.

gogohmm · 31/10/2022 07:14

Depends on the timings as to what you need. Is there outside space? Is it one room? Afternoon or evening?

For an evening family party I wouldn't expect loud music or proper entertainment, a typical finger buffet or bring and share would work well. The kids mostly will entertain each other but bringing a big pot of pens, paper etc might work, if there's speakers perhaps an iPad to connect to them to play background music.

I've been to dozens of family parties and parents bring toys specific to their kids if needed, generally cousins just play tripping up the older family members. Exh's family never had food either which caught us out many times (you'ld think we would prepare after the first instance) meaning us calling pizza for us

Musicalmaestro · 31/10/2022 07:22

Last time I went to a family party like this there wasn’t any entertainment laid on.
People hadn’t seen each other for ages, and were happy to chat and catch up.
There was a buffet if I remember right.

Dinoteeth · 31/10/2022 07:25

I'd definitely expect music of some sort. DJ if your looking to get people dancing But there again you could get away with a Spotify play list running via a speaker if it's just background music

MichelleScarn · 31/10/2022 07:27

Could you not help by setting up a fb event page for it, and asking everyone to choose a favourite couple of tracks to make up a Spotify list?

Original poster
Mummyongin · 31/10/2022 07:28

I’ve offered to help many times but my mum has declined. The hall is booked from 2-10pm I think. And I think there is a side room if we want it. I like the idea of using the side room as a quieter space for those that need it. I like the magician idea and singer/guitar idea too.
I think I’m also stressed about it as there are several family members with mental health difficulties and autism, and some of the relationships between family members are quite strained so if things are difficult then 8 hours is a long time without entertainment!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummyongin · 31/10/2022 07:30

My mum will be sensitive to anything that feels like me “taking over” so I have to be careful how to intervene.

OP posts:
FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 31/10/2022 07:30

I would focus on the invites as a start. 8 hours I'd too long. If there are kids, maybe 5 onwards. Once they have the invite list, that would help think about food.

olympicsrock · 31/10/2022 07:31

Most of it Yes sensible - food and invitations
children’s entertainer - no . This is a 70th birthday not a children/‘ party. Please make sure it is focused on your mother and aunt’s needs

WhatNoRaisins · 31/10/2022 07:32

8 hours is a long time with small children in any case, I doubt everyone will be there all that time, they'll just leave when the kids have had enough.

olympicsrock · 31/10/2022 07:33

Yes do make the side room a luxurious special space for those who want to chill out but make it really nice so that your mum doesn’t feel she is in a waiting room/ non party space

Dinoteeth · 31/10/2022 07:33

That's a really long time.
But there again, the hall might be booked that long doesn't mean party needs to be you'll need time to set up balloons & banners.

Food is going to be necessary, and probably two rounds of food. I'd maybe do cold Buffet around 4-5 and pizzas & cake about 7-8.

Funkyblues101 · 31/10/2022 07:34

Will most of the guests be in their 70s? None of them will be able to hear in a hall environment with music and talking.

Kissingfrogs25 · 31/10/2022 07:39

Stay out of it, she doesn't want your help.
It is not your problem.
They can sort out the food closer to the time, the kids will run around, buy a few packets of balloons and they can play with those. It is on their parents to ensure they are well looked after not yours.
People won't come for the whole thing, they will leave when they are ready.
Stop worrying! Let your mother organise this, and stand back and enjoy it.

Will most of the guests be in their 70s? None of them will be able to hear

They are 70 not a 107! Of course they will be able to hear!!

erinaceus · 31/10/2022 07:45

If your mum doesn't want your help, it's a bit of a tricky one.

Do you have a relationship with her sister such that you could express your concerns to her and see if she would welcome your involvement and help?

Original poster
Mummyongin · 31/10/2022 07:54

No, most guests will not be in their 70s, only my mum and aunt. Everyone else will be in their 60s or younger.

OP posts: