To think family party will be a disaster?

[Mummyongin]

Ok, so maybe disaster is a bit dramatic but I’m worried that my mum is mostly planning it and she hasn’t got a grip. Do I need to intervene?

My mum and her sister are hosting a joint 70th birthday party in January. It will be first family celebration for years, with relatives coming from all over the country and loads of kids aged 0-14.

So far they have a hall hired. They have no food, no entertainment, no invites have gone out. They have no plan for how to entertain the kids. They are worried about the impact of loud music on those hard of hearing. They are both quite introverted individuals but the rest of the family is not and I’m seriously worried! Should I be?

Is your mum/other people still likely to blame you for it not running well despite declining your help?

Ok, good to get different opinions. I can see the “stay out of it” vibe. I feel a responsibility towards the family members who will have to travel and potentially book a hotel room - none of our family are well off so this is a big outlay and there probably won’t be another family do like this ever again (unless they both make 80 and want a party again then!)

I think if your mum has declined any help from you, you need to respect her wishes and let her know that you are there to help if she changes her mind.

I think you are worrying unnecessarily. It might be a disaster but bring some gin (and some sandwiches in your bag) and you’ll be fine. As an aside, I don’t think kids entertainment is needed. It’s not a kids party and the parents will either get a babysitter and leave them at home or come prepared with things to entertain them whilst they are there. Just relax and enjoy it - even if it ends up being utter mayhem

You missed out quite a pertinent part…in a hall environment with music and talking.

Yes, most over 70s will be able to hear with or without hearing aids, but it is likely to be more challenging for some with music and talking going on in a hall with hard floors which makes sound echo more..

We had to leave a wake recently as my DH in his 70s found the noise in a hall from people talking overwhelming with his hearing aids in and couldn’t hear well enough without them.

i do agree with the rest of your comments.

I have a couple of thoughts. One, it's October, and there's a difference between haven't organised, and don't plan to organise.

Two, they are grown women, not incompetent toddlers. Why do you feel you need to save them from themselves? The responsibility to the family members is not yours. Allow your mother and your aunt to arrange the party they want, and attend as a guest. Which is what you will be.

There is a very fine line between help, when it's repeatedly offered and not accepted, and control.

Shouldn’t someone be arranging the party for them? It’s their 70th afterall

2-10 is funny timings. Do you think it will actually be something like 4-8 to give time to set up and clear away after?

I agree with PP you really don't need entertainment other than some background music.

Food is important to sort - although Jan isn't going to be busy if you're thinking of getting caterers in.

The other option with the side room is to make it into a kid's room.

But I guess if your mum doesn't want help it's tricky.

Sainsburys party food. Mum and dad did this for their milestone anniversary. Truly scrumptious.

bake a big cake, sprinkle with fancy hundred and thousands (you can get a wonderful sparkly packet from cake decorating shops) and get a personalised cake topper from Etsy.

(re the cake, I do the Primrose Bakery chocolate cake, two layers, I do a fifty fifty cream and chocolate ganache for the middle and covering). I always forget that the ganache needs about two hours in the fridge and if you then whip it it’s amazingly light and it goes a lot further.

the works do loads of cheap craft stuff for kids, buy a load and set up a craft table.

Why don’t you offer to help with something specific, like the food? Research some caterers beforehand and ask your mum if she’d like your help because you already know of someone suitable. if successful use the opportunity to ask about timings and entertainment so that you can brief the caterer.

Maybe you could just subtly suggest things…oh soandso had a party the other week used this great kids entertainer - he gets booked up quickly tho!…I heard suchandsuch do absolutely brilliant catering, Dorothy down the road was raving about them. Etc etc

Maybe read what the OP has posted - twice 🙄

No desire to

Op didn’t put pertinent detail in OP 🤷‍♀️

Depending on how involved you feel like getting, can you at least subtly let other family members know that catering may not be up to scratch to allow them to plan around this?

Just let her do her thing. It doesn’t matter. It will be fine. People can chat and eat sandwiches, kids can potter around or use their phones. It might be dull, but it doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t have to be a Las Vegas style event.

I would do a big, family friendly pub quiz with a few prizes for winning teams.
Food could be giant pots of chilli and rice, with nachos. Or alternatively an afternoon tea (bit more faff for a large crowd though).
I think you're TOO worried OP - its just a party, not life or death. But it sounds like they could do with your help.

2x 70 year olds arranging a bash in a hall?

my expectations are going to be a basic beige buffet, a chilly hall, and bored children running around. So don’t worry OP - anyone with common sense will arrive with very low expectations

They have both managed to stay alive for 70 years, raised families etc. I am sure they can throw a birthday party together with two-three months to go. No need infantilise them just because they are now in their 70's.

Does the 2-10pm time slot include decorating and prep time. As well as cleaning up at the end time?

If so, you probably need to think about a party around 4-8pm rather than the entire time.

Fuck me, have you ever met a 70 year old? This is ridiculously ageist. Many 70 year old are still working, let alone running their own lives, caring for grandchildren while parents work, enjoying massively active retirements, doing PhDs, whatever.

When you reach 70 you’ve got time to play with, and and a lot of experience to draw on. They’ve raised families, held down jobs, arranged dozens of parties, catered for countless christmases. Doing something like this party doesn’t have to be a massive headache.

They probably know they can order party food platters from M&S or Waitrose a week or so beforehand and just collect it on the day. They know that people will want to spend most of their time catching up with other family. With set up and tidy up time, there will only be the need for one round of food to be served - the actual party will probably run from about 4-8pm.

Nothing that needs organising, apart from the venue, needs to be nailed down three months in advance.

Hey, I know you didn’t mean to but just pressed my button so just to clarify, my aunt has no children, my mum is on the spectrum and just has me (and I’m in my 3rd dose of therapy). They are both amazing and highly educated and successful women but that doesn’t mean they are in touch with how to throw a family bash.

Okay, so you feel you have a reason to doubt your mum’s ability to organise things. But having no children doesn’t mean your aunt doesn’t know how to throw a family party. I’ve never managed to produce a live child, but I am the world’s best host. And it’s possible to know what children like without having your own! I know, amazing, isn’t it?

Are they expecting the party to be 8 hours long? If the hall has to be set up and cleared up afterwards in the 2-10 time slot, the party will be shorter. I'd suggest 4 hrs would be long enough, especially with young children.
Are your mum and aunt planning on doing the food themselves or get someone in?
I'd say the priority at the mo is getting invites out and rsvps back. Then they know how many to cater for, how many children will be there etc.
If they won't accept direct help, could you suggest to those coming to bring a dish/plate of food along?
As to entertainment - balloons for the children and some background music that can be turned up if people want to dance? I wouldn't be booking entertainers.

You say invites haven’t been sent out. Do the rest of the family actually know this party is happening? In which case invites don’t really matter in the scheme of things, or is this a party in the planning stage that no-one actually knows is on the cards yet.

And for pp saying that January is a long way off, January is only 8 weeks away. If nobody has actually been invited yet I wouldn’t be surprised if there are a lot of people who won’t come.

And while 70 year olds aren’t necessarily at death’s door, a 70 year old’s party is waaay different to e.g. a 30/40 year old’s party.

There doesn’t need to be entertainment, but there does need to be food. But if they don’t want your help then tbh I think you’re right, and it is likely to be a disaster.

I am not totally sure they will have music, maybe background 60s music, but not a band I doubt. I don't know anyone in their 70s with hearing aids, and most are a spritely bunch so maybe we are both being influenced by who we know personally.

I don't think this is op's job to stick her beak in their party planning to be honest, she is being negative about it and it would annoy me if I were her mother in this situation. Just be enthusiastic, offer to help and let them do it! They may have plenty of amazing ideas and surprise you. Take a warm cardigan either way, all village halls I have ever been to have been freezing!!! :))))))