To think family party will be a disaster?

[Mummyongin]

Ok, so maybe disaster is a bit dramatic but I’m worried that my mum is mostly planning it and she hasn’t got a grip. Do I need to intervene?

My mum and her sister are hosting a joint 70th birthday party in January. It will be first family celebration for years, with relatives coming from all over the country and loads of kids aged 0-14.

So far they have a hall hired. They have no food, no entertainment, no invites have gone out. They have no plan for how to entertain the kids. They are worried about the impact of loud music on those hard of hearing. They are both quite introverted individuals but the rest of the family is not and I’m seriously worried! Should I be?

Good point

They can still throw a lovely party, 70 isn't exactly 90 or 100. My mum is 77 and she would definitely be able to put a nice party together. She has thrown more parties than I have and they have all been fun parties enjoyed by all regardless of age, but of course the exectation has always been that it would be a party someone her age would enjoy. They need to organise the type of party they want for their birthdays. You have offered to help, they have declined so just trust that they are capable human beings.

And at 70 plus in my experience people are just happy to be invited...anywhere that isn't a funeral. Regardless of the set up!

This is a you problem op. Do you have anxiety? Speak to your therapist as it isn't normal to be catastrophizing about someone else's granny party tbh.

They definitely need help to hire caterers, a suitable type of music and entertainment for the children. Please do tell them that.

Learn the difference between ‘need’ and a ‘want’.
There is absolutely no need to get in caterers, spend money on music or entertainers of the person doesn’t want to or can’t afford it.

It’s a family birthday party.

It can be low key.

WTF? No they don’t!
Please don’t listen to the batshit advice from some posters.
Whilst I agree they need some sort of food, it’s a 70th birthday celebration, not a kids party! Spotify and a speaker will be fine. In my experience of family get togethers, people mostly want to talk and catch up.

You're making this about you - do you feel that if this party isn't up to your ideal then it'll reflect badly on you? I have a sister like that, it makes organising anything exceptionally difficult, the level of control she feels she needs just isn't worth doing stuff with her.
It's just coming into November, the venue is booked, there's no need to borrow problems yet. I'm sure your relatives that will need to book accommodation are more than capable of doing that - you don't need to supervise that either.

If it was my party, I'd do buffet food - sandwiches etc. There is loads of party food in the shops at the moment for Christmas and New Year, easy to get some nice things.

IMO if you have people coming from far who are paying for accommodation you need to make it a bit special. I’d put up some decorations, arrange decent food and drink and some music for at least part of the evening.

My mum is over 70 and more than capable to organise a big party but with 2 months to go she’d have some idea about the food and music she’d like.

Maybe they’ll be awesome at this! Or, maybe they’ll be shit at it, and loads of pissed off people will spend 8 hrs in an empty hall with nothing to do.

If they’re awesome and you interfere, it doesn’t cause a problem except maybe irritate your mum. But if they’re shit at it and you don’t interfere, it could be awful.

I would definitely try to get involved. YANBU. If they won’t accept general “can I help” then maybe try more “hey this bouncy castle / face painter / magician looks cool, want me to check if they’re available?”

Strongly disagree with those saying “They’re reached seventy they’ll be fine at this.” My aunts raised big families and one also worked as a childminder, they’re now both early 70s and have become terrible with kids, can’t even keep them amused for a few minutes. The mind fades, as doea energy. We will all be much much stupider in our 70s than we are now, just as I now have a terrible memory and am nowhere near as sharp as I was in my 20s. That’s just how it is.

OP hasn’t given us any evidence that none of those things are going to happen - just that they’ve not be planned yet.

Sorry but if two 70 year old women can't organise a family party who can??

I would stay out of it and if you absolutely can't keep your fingers out send a message send your mum a message offering help which is really a thinly disguised to do list, eh 'I know you don't want any help with your party but if you change your mind and want to offload the food, invitations, entertainment, or decoration I'd be really happy to help. Otherwise I'll stay out of it until you ask xx'

We will all be much much stupider in our 70s than we are now, just as I now have a terrible memory and am nowhere near as sharp as I was in my 20s. That’s just how it is.

Are you seriously trying to suggest people become so ‘stupid’ after hitting 70 that they are incapable of planning a party?

Well, presumably they are going to organise food, drink and send invites in good time. They’re in their 70s, they’ve been to loads of parties so none of the above sounds like anything they’ll fail at.

What you can do is make sure everyone is considered, so when they’ve organised a caterer then talk through food options to make sure there’s appropriate stuff on the menu for younger or more fussy people.

Offer to be in charge of entertainment like easy party games or the magician or whatever.

I don’t think you need to stress too much.

They need food, music and if the side room will fit a bouncy castle, I'd get one. A children's entertainer for earlier in the night, if lots of children are coming. I'd make a guest list, so you can start to see numbers. Then ask her whose doing the food. Ask in an interested way, to start off. You could offer funds, as a joint birthday present. Start off gently.

Also my parents / in-laws would react positively to a suggestion like “The children would LOVE to decorate the hall for you and Aunty - shall I be in charge of sorting that out, they’d be excited to choose decorations and make the hall pretty”.

It’s usually about how you offer.

If they are telling you clearly to butt out, then do so.
Whats the worst that could happen? Its a bit of a boring party? You have no responsibility to anyone here to make it a better party, especially if it means pissing off your mum and aunt. Its their birthday after all.
Id just tell them that the offer to help is still there, but youll let them get on with it.

If they are telling you clearly to butt out, then do so.
Whats the worst that could happen? Its a bit of a boring party? You have no responsibility to anyone here to make it a better party, especially if it means pissing off your mum and aunt. Its their birthday after all.
Id just tell them that the offer to help is still there, but youll let them get on with it.

How many guests are they hoping will attend? What's the budget? Without knowing the budget it's difficult to advise on food or entertainment. But like with everything, the best caterers and entertainers will be booked up early. Being ahead of the game will give them the luxury of choice.

Then those who are booking travel and accommodation need to be told that. Because most people would cater a 70th birthday were people are coming from outside the area. It isn't a late evening do, it falls over tea time. It isn't low key, they've hired a hall. I doubt people would be happy to travel and pay for a hotel, just after Christmas to just sit in a big room.

Because most people would cater a 70th birthday were people are coming from outside the area. It isn't a late evening do, it falls over tea time.

You don’t need caterers to cater, though. I think that was what PP was suggesting. You can DIY the food for a family do. I don’t think anyone is suggesting no food at the party - for some reason OP is very worried her mum & aunt haven’t organised it yet but I’m not sure why - it’s in January! Plenty of time.

OP this reminds me a little of my DM's plan to have her 70th birthday party. She hired a hall then just blanked it. I talked with her about what she wanted, who she wanted to invite.

Turned out she had a picture in her mind of people talking, children running in and out around people playing. Closer questioning: "Who are the people?" "Who are the children?" (by this point all GCs well past the running around playing together stage). Turned out the picture in her mind was the closing scenes in the film Notting Hill.

We gently suggested that she could have a family party at our house, in our garden. She could invite who she wanted. We would sort catering, clean up etc.

It went really well!

You don't need any specific entertainment for the kids. They'll entertain themselves quite happily, tearing around with the cousins.

I've home catered and it hasn't been worth the difference in cost than getting sandwich platters etc. It's a lot of work for a eight hour party and would need somebody to be running back and forward for food. Someone needs to help keep the buffet looking decent. You usually make use of wider family. You can make up a buffet with the party size M&S pork pies, large bought gateaus etc. But really need a hot choice at one sitting, or let people know. Sweet bags are a nice touch for the children, with stickers that say 'happy 70th x&x'.

Kids will find ways to entertain themselves. If your worried, on the day bring a bunch of things to keep them occupied. You don’t have to tell your mum before hand, just turn up and say, o I saw these and thought they looked great, or quietly pull things out if you see bored kids. Ideas

inflatable musical instruments
photo/selfie face masks & accessories
colouring books and crayons
mini party bubble wands
glow sticks

Im sure any parents will also bring their own toys to entertain the kids anyway especially any with additional needs.

Suggest a DJ or say o I was talking to my friend about your party and she said this guy was great. Any decent DJ will play a mix of music to the hosts tastes. For my 40th I had a 40s themed party, there was a mix or modern, golden oldies, 40s & Irish music. They will also play a few party games for the kids if need be.

Wait till closer to the time to worry about food.

Just because the hall is hired from 2-10 dosnt mean they are planning to have the party the whole time. I’m assuming they will have an hour or 2 to set up then clean up.

Most of the 70+ yos in my family can party longer and harder than me, always have been able to. I know you said they are introverted, but I’m sure they have been to enough parties in 70 years to know the basics of what they need to do. If your really worried and know you mum won’t take your suggestions then enlist someone in the family to help make suggestions your mum will listen to.