Can't cope with washing clothing

[MonsteraMother]

I'm relatively competent in most areas of life except this one. I cannot fucking get it together to be on top of the washing. I sometimes buy new socks just because I can't face the bloody sock mountain and pairing them all up. I own over 60 pairs of knickers as I only seem to have the time and space in my life to catch up with washing during school holidays.

For context, we have a 4 bed house with a washing machine, a tumble dryer and outside washing line but no utility room - just a small office/box room which is always stuffed to the max with the wash baskets and the sock basket. We also have a cleaner once a week but she doesn't do anything to do with washing.

My excuse is that I work incredibly long hours (7am to 7pm) and have 2 young DC. DH does lots to help too with cooking, dishwasher, all school runs but he is also crap at washing. We have 4 wash baskets and they are all full of washing in various states.

AIBU to ask for your help? Surely at my 'close to menopause age' I should be able to get a grip on this one area of life.

Please give me your tips...

My cleaner irons so I leave a stack of ironing for her. She’ll also fold and that helps enormously.

I only have sports socks and "normal" everyday socks. I buy them in batches so that all my sports socks are the same (and all white) and all my sports socks are the same (all black). DP also does the same. It makes matching them up a hell of a lot easier when they come out of the wash.

Make use of your local laundrette service wash to get on top of things, then put a load on every day. If the piles are getting out of hand again, do a service wash.

When you put the kettle on, put the washing machine on.
Bin all those socks. Buy colour coded plain socks. No need to match again, ever.

On this one occasion so you start on a clean slate what about a laundrette? What do you do Sat and Sun? What if one Sat you stayed home all day and did the washing?

DH and I have similarly long hours in our work. But we often have to put a load on before we leave for the day and sort out when we get home. Even if it’s like 8pm hang it out etc.

more often than not our weekends are spent doing a lot of house work!

pair dirty socks when you take them off. Straight into a dirty hamper.

I still have socks from when my eldest was a baby at the bottom of my hamper, he's 10!

I've never got to the bottom.
there are always random socks or a bib (haven't used a bib in about 7 years) that I just can't be bothered to sort put so they stay at the boton of the clean hamper.

putting away is my problem.
it's not that bad of fold it all straight off the clothes horse and I know this BUT I just chick it in a basket to look at for weeks instead.

Pay the cleaner an extra hour to sort the clean laundry into piles, pair up the socks etc. And ask if she'll iron what she can if there is any time left over.

Agree with a pp - keep all uniform downstairs. Hanger in hall cupboard for shirts and they have a box each for the rest. Makes life way easier.

I would second the idea of the laundrette.
OH can take the whole lot down on a day off- get everything washed and dry in one go.
Next get rid of a lot of your clothes. 60 pairs of knickers is not needed and if you have a ton of socks too you are increasing your workload.

Don't iron.

Find ways to find some fun in laundry. Buy some fragrant fabric softener, funky pegs- I use moon water in my final rinse.

I would also suggest watching Marie Kondo, she has some great ideas. I enjoy putting away laundry, I take my time, listen to music, affirmations or an audio tape.

I hear you. I was busy the last 3 days and I had to do 4 loads of washing as a result yesterday. It gets overwhelming if you are not on it ever day. One thing that helps me is that I have a TV in my bedroom and I dump all the dry clothes on the floor and sort it, iron anything, put away DH and mine, whilst I have something trashy on the TV. If I didn't it would be too boring a chore.

Get one of those laundry bags and put socks in there to wash. This may help. Also, I buy all the same socks for my DC so pairing is easier. They are all black school socks the same size and white trainer socks. I buy each DC their own make of undies e.g. child 1 has Boden, child 2 has Next, DH has CK so it is easy for me to sort.

The trick is just to keep on top of it - little and often. Dull as fuck but the best way for me.

The cleaner could put a load on before starting then put it in the dryer when they’ve finished.

I have never paired socks in my life. I put them in one drawer and the kids choose two each day and I don't care if they don't match. As long as they are clean who cares??

If you give each child a laundry basket of their own it can make things easier, as you wash one full child's load at a time = no sorting out who it belongs to

Ok you get a plan.a schedule of tasks.Stick to it. Buy heated clothes rail
Put wash on before work.Hang up on return from work. Repeat
Buy All socks same brand,same colour group,minimise pairing
wash by colour group
whites
colour
dark/navy

I had similar hours out of the house to you when DC were young due to long commute. I didn't feel like I had any evening. Home, make dinner, kids bath and bedtime. Clean up and laundry and then it's late. I think I did a wash every day using timer so it was finished at the right time for me to deal with. I didn't have a dryer in the first years so onto a rack. Not doing very full loads helps with space on the rack.

If you can afford to outsource laundry and ironing why not? It will free up time and make your life less stressful. People I know who can afford to outsource things say how much better their lives are for not having to even think about those things.

I probably have less clothes than most people as I think it's easier and forces you to stay on top. A small load daily is much easier to manage than letting it build up.

If you have a massive pile to clear now and kids are old enough to make matching pairs then tackle the mountain together? Kids can pair up socks and put knickers and stuff in piles. They can also put into the correct drawers while you and DH are sorting others.

I'm not currently working and am actually less organised with everything as get things done when there's pressure even though it's stressful. My DC are older now so even though not working I get them to help with putting laundry away as they need to learn to contribute anyway and learn these things aren't magically done for them.

Yup that’s best approach

Do a massive clothes purge first. You only need 7 pairs of knickers & 7 pairs of socks each so honestly just throw out all the excess. Same for clothes. You don’t need 15 sweatshirts & 10 pairs of leggings. Charity shop, bin, whatever.

Then when you have it down to a reasonable volume, get a weekly laundry service. If you hate doing it and it causes you stress, send it out.

We had this for a while in London and it was amazing. No sheets hanging to dry all over the house!

OP is working 12 hours a day outside the home. The other 12 hours are for childcare, selfcare , organising stuff for the next day etc (all the little things to do to stay on top of things) and also sleep.

I feel your pain OP. When my kids were young I could never get clothes folded and put away. We were always sporting the slightly rumpled look.

Laundry was done by putting on the first load as soon as I got out of bed on the way to the loo and cleaning my teeth. Just thrown in - I did lose a few items to running dye but there’s stuff you can buy that reverses that problem now. Washing would sit there all day and first thing I did when I came in the door would be to transfer wet washing into the tumble dryer. Pull dried clothes out before bed and did the ikea bag (for my house everyone had their own wash baskets) sorting trick another pp mentioned.

Also, I never did this but my mother did - made us kids fold socks together at their tops after taking them off before throwing in the wash basket, and often they’d still come thru the wash in pairs. Second thing my mum made us do was we had to turn our clothes the right side out after we took them off and threw them in dirty wash basket. Clothes all washed the right side out, and folding was much simpler. It worked for her and as kids we did what she requested. ( we kids took it a step further and wriggled out of our clothes so they came off the right side out - getting out of our clothes was a bit like Houdini getting out of a straight jacket, but easier). She had 7 kids, the last 6 within 8 years of each other. She had to run a very tight ship.

I'm similar to you OP. It's the thought of it- it's not like cooking tea, or cleaning the bathroom, or doing the dishes because I do they those religiously as I see them as essential to being hygienic or keeping us alive- washing seems like something that can wait- we'll survive without it and we have enough clothes to last for weeks anyway. So it gets put off and it piles up.

I've tried to be better recently- setting myself a designated ironing evening and trying to remember to do a daily wash- however, because of circumstances last week it wasn't possible and now there's 3 weeks of washing in piles and when the weather is too cold to dry it outside there seems no prospect of getting everything washed and dried by ironing day! Need to get back on track!

Interesting to hear of people washing clothes right side out- I turn clothes inside out to wash and dry.
If you dry out side the sun can fade dark colours, I notice the inside of my black t shirts are noticably lighter because of the sun.
Things like jeans, trousers, hoodies, anything with pockets dry faster if dried inside out too- the pocket, linings and inner bulky seams dry faster if exposed to the air.

What am I reading?

I don’t have a tumble drier or an outside washing line. I also don’t have the money to buy new knickers because I can’t be bothered to stick my dirty ones in the wash.

Yet I manage to have clean clothes. What is wrong with you?

Also reeling at the 60 pairs of knickers 😮

I was going to give you tips about how I schedule my washing, drying, house cleaning when DH and I both work fulltime with kids etc, but a) you’ve already had loads of good tips, b) you’re a Headteacher so on good money with a husband who also works and c) already have a cleaner (!) - just pay your cleaner some extra to do it!

I met a few people like this when i was young. It looked like a dreadful way to live. Could it be a sign of depression?

I agree with the suggestions that you so have to many clothes if you can go so long between washes.

Honestly i think this needs a one off proper solution to start with. So take a few days/week off. Take everything to a laundry mat. As things come out of the dryer set some aside to go to charity and some aside for storage.

Then you need a plan you stick to religiously. Monday is my oH's laundry day, Wednesday is mine, the weekend is towels and bedding.