To feel so strongly about sleepovers

[Energydrink]

So, DP and I keep having a reoccurring argument about our position on sleepovers. Our DD is 3 years old , a long way off of sleep over her nursery friends house.

I think that she should not go to a sleepover until she is at least 10y, able to communicate if she wants to come home, confident enough to speak up for herself and able to tell me if something has upset her.

I would however welcome a child into our home that she has invited.

husband thinks that I am being ridiculous. He was sleepover friends from the age of 6 and he was fine. He also thinks that my attitude to an innocent activity is what is wrong with the world (sensationalism and scaremongering).

my view is that he is naïve and as much as I would like us to live in an ideal world where terrible things do not happen .. that is not reality. I would rather keep her safe then to expose her to risk.

AIBU to feel this way about sleepovers?

10 is too old yabu

I honestly don’t understand why you’re arguing over this now. She’s 3! So of course you can’t envisage sending her on sleepovers.

By the time she’s ready and asking for them, you’ll be in a completely different place.

When my eldest was three, I didn’t know any of the families he went on to meet at school. By the time he was 7, we were good family friends with many of them.

He’d been on play dates many times, we’d socialised with them, and have gone on to become firm friends. I trust these people, as they trust DH and me.

Just bide your time, and perhaps only get worked up about it, if your judgment is really poor, and you’ve ended up befriending someone who comes across as dodgy. Or something.

I have 2 DC. Due to COVID, eldest didn't have a first sleepover til 10. He also went away on a residential 5 day trip with hi

@Fundays12
There's a difference between 'equal' and 'fair.'

What is your goal here?

Fair is about everyone getting what they need in order to be successful.

In a just world, maybe your oldest child wouldn't need all the supervision and the medication. But he's getting what he needs in order to be successful. How about the younger two?

I have 2 DC. Due to COVID, eldest didn't have a first sleepover til 10. He also went away on a residential 5 day trip with his sports club just before the sleepover, at just turned 10. He loved both. Younger DC is 8 and hasn't done a sleepover yet. I'd let him if he wanted one and we knew the family well, but it's just not something he wants to do yet

When I was 8 I went on an exchange tip abroad to europe and stayed with a random family I'd never met for 4 days! I had the best ever time!!! But I wouldn't in a million years let my kids do that!! What was my mum thinking!!? All worked out fine though! I wasn't abused or murdered etc . and the family I stayed with were nice and not the Adams family! Thank goodness!

I personally don't understand everyones obsession with sleepovers.

It's a blanket No in my house. 100%.

Most children who are sexually abused are abused by someone they know well. Why on earth would anyone send their child to sleep in a house with people you can't possibly know for definite how they 'behave' in private? Just as a side note - we have lovely neighbours. Lovely until they had a baby and now literally are screaming the F word 24.7 and being incredibly abusive to each other - behind closed doors (except not realising we can hear every single argument and it's grim) . I'm this close to phoning the police/social services. In public they are simply adorable. You have zero idea of knowing anyone for sure.

Absolutely not happening. My DD especially was quite annoyed with me for some time (age 7 ish when the requests started) but now she knows there's no point as I will never ever change my mind on this. Plenty of time to see friends without putting them in harms way imo.

Will you say no to residentials and other overnight school trips as well?

I had one child do sleepover at 7 and another at 10. Depends on child.
Also to be honest the boys were easier. Which I was surprised by.
Some dc don't like sleepovers. As everyone has said. You don't know.

Child abuse is quite frequently carried out by young adult males (don't know exact stats) and I know a family who didn't let their daughters go to sleepovers where there was a much older brother. I think though the stats are usually higher with family connections (e.g cousins step-brothers, family friends carrying out so not to a guest). I explained this to my daughter in an age appropriate way. once they get phones they can call you. By 10 most dc have a phone.

Cubs and brownies do sleepovers from 7 and 8.

7 and 8 are the best ages for sleepovers.

Your child is 3 for crying out loud stop arguing about this until time comes. My DS was 10 (as it happened no interest before) when he had his first, DD was 9. DD2 is 6 I'll hold off long as poss only because the younger they are more chance I need to go collect mid of the night! They are a pain to host but they love them so much especially girls!

6 is young for a sleepover except with family (eg cousins).

But by 8 or so you may find your child has long standing friends, where you've got to know the kids & their parents very well, and sleepovers aren't such a scary prospect.

Absolutely not happening. My DD especially was quite annoyed with me for some time (age 7 ish when the requests started) but now she knows there's no point as I will never ever change my mind on this. Plenty of time to see friends without putting them in harms way imo.

I’m sure she’s still annoyed with you, she just doesn’t bother expressing it.

She will probably go on to send her DC on sleepovers, because she’ll remember how much she wanted them and felt like she missed out.

’Twas ever thus….

By 10 most dc have a phone.

Since when? Where i and where siblings live, kids only get phones starting secondary so 11/12.

Not read the whole thread

If you are worried about child abuse, it's statistically more likely with a family member (uncle, grandfather) than a friend.

I used to hate sleep overs, Still do now as an adult, like my creature comforts.....for that reason I won't push my 6 year old into a sleep over but nor will I stop her......(although at the moment I think she's way too young, family fine, friends no....)