A big birthday- can't stop crying

[Whosmadnow]

No idea where to start, I've always been depressed and tearful when I have a birthday. No idea why but have a crushing sense of disappointment and abandonment.
For as long as I've been an adult if I've wanted to celebrate I've had to organise it, no-one has thought to do it for me, but they've always expected that something would happen and I've obliged.
Many years ago I organised a party and out of 80 invites only eight people turned up which has led me to believe I'm not loved or important.
This year I had a huge milestone birthday and due to circumstances had to cancel what I'd organised.
I've now spent the milestone day isolated and in tears, I haven't even opened the three cards and presentsI have and can't stop crying. I want to rip the cards and presents up and throw them in the bin.
What the hell is wrong with me?

Firstly happy birthday! Please open your cards and presents! There is such a build up and BD are hyped up so no one can live up to expectations .As a friend of ours says Birthdays are just another day .I look forward to mine ,and as you say "Big Birthdays" carry a lot of expectation .I had a normal birthday this year and it was nice, some cards and gifts from friends/family a meal out.I dont even know 80 people ! Most I could drum up would be about 25!

When I was a little girl my family moved from Scotland to England. My Mum told my sister and I that people from Scotland don't celebrate birthdays! No presents or cards for years.

Whosmadnow are you feeling a bit better today and did you open your cards and presents?

Good morning,
A huge thank you to everyone who responded to my thread, it helped enormously. I was fully expecting to be told I was being unreasonable and was overwhelmed by the support and understanding I got.
I am much calmer now after the weekend, in no small part due to everyone's thoughts and stories. I haven't yet opened the cards or presents but they no longer bother me as they did on Saturday. I promise I will open them at some point this week and take time to appreciate them.
Having reflected on my reaction to my milestone birthday I do think it was about more than just the day. The year leading up to it has been very hard for many reasons with no sight of things changing for the better. I think I hoped for some respite or acknowledgement of the relentlessness of it from friends and family and was hurt when that didn't happen. I am now looking into some counselling to address some of my feelings and build up the emotional resilience which I appear to have lost.
Thank you all again for supporting me and making me feel a bit less alone over the weekend. Wishing everyone a very happy birthday in the coming year

Really glad you're feeling better about it OP