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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go off sick with stress when I can't really afford it?

152 replies

Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 14:15

Just that.
Been I'm my job 15+ years. Dont really have much time off sick as a rule. Job is stressful and it is getting worse.

I've been off a month already as I've had covid plus 2 weeks annual leave. My anxiety has really shot through the roof. I really want to see the GP and get time off sick for stress. Probably till after Christmas.
I don't feel guilty about this one bit(as far as my job is concerned).

Only issue is financial. I get paid, but will lose lots of extra pay for overtime , which I rely on for Christmas. I have no savings.
DH does have savings and has said basically he will give me what I need/want.

Thing is I would need a LOT.

AIBU to want to have sick leave when I cant afford it?

I feel like going to with work will give me terrible stress.
But being skint will also give me stress!!!

OP posts:
ABJ100 · 28/10/2022 14:33

Well it seems from what you have posted, you can't afford to so what other option is there? That's quite alot of leave you want to be signed off for as well.

Frida9 · 28/10/2022 14:37

If you're ill you're ill, money shouldn't come into it. You (hopefully) wouldn't go to work if you had some infectious illness so I would treat this the same. I get that money is a stress but if your husband can help you and you need the time off then do it. Better than going to work when you're not well and ending up worse

Nosleepforthismum · 28/10/2022 14:37

Well you’ve been off for a month already so no wonder you’re stressed thinking about your return to work but you’ll be in the same place (maybe worse because you’ll also be skint) come January if you take anymore time off. Is there anything that will actually change having a couple of extra months off? No judgement at all but it’s harder to go back the longer you leave it.

Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 14:38

Yes it is quite a lot of leave. But I'm at my wits end. Christmas is one of the busiest periods too and I just can't face it.
I've been a loyal employee all these years. I dont take time off willy nilly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 14:39

Frida9 · 28/10/2022 14:37

If you're ill you're ill, money shouldn't come into it. You (hopefully) wouldn't go to work if you had some infectious illness so I would treat this the same. I get that money is a stress but if your husband can help you and you need the time off then do it. Better than going to work when you're not well and ending up worse

That's what I'm thinking in my head.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 14:41

Nosleepforthismum · 28/10/2022 14:37

Well you’ve been off for a month already so no wonder you’re stressed thinking about your return to work but you’ll be in the same place (maybe worse because you’ll also be skint) come January if you take anymore time off. Is there anything that will actually change having a couple of extra months off? No judgement at all but it’s harder to go back the longer you leave it.

No nothing will change , it will probably be worse with gloomy January.
It's just I can't face it right now.

It's only a temporary solution I know.

OP posts:
pilates · 28/10/2022 14:43

Can you go back to work and do your contractual hours with no overtime? See if that makes you feel not so stressed?

Frida9 · 28/10/2022 14:44

Are you looking at changing your job op? Would you be better off somewhere else? You could use your time off to come up with a plan for either going back to your current job or moving on to something else.

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 28/10/2022 14:44

If your DH has the money for you to stay off, why isn't it family money? Surely he doesn't want you to go back to work when you are feeling unwell?

Would it be a good idea to also look for a different job? Are their aspects of this job which are specifically stressful to you?

MRSE20 · 28/10/2022 14:45

I can sympathise with needing time of for anxiety / mental health reasons

This might not be ideal but I think the only solution to your question if you cannot afford it is

  1. do not have any time off
  2. could you take 2-3 weeks off instead of until the end of the year? Perhaps ask doctor to sign you off from Monday and go back the end of November? It might not be as much as you wanted but it still gives you a few weeks to take time to yourself.
MRSE20 · 28/10/2022 14:45
  1. take up DH’s offer of using his savings
Merryoldgoat · 28/10/2022 14:46

How can you be skint but your husband isn’t?

Flagshitstore · 28/10/2022 14:49

Most people would be stressed at the thought of going back to work after a month off. Some stress is normal. Go back and try it. You’ll only be stressed and skint when you go back in Jan.

I don’t like the undertone of you’re being a loyal employee for 15 years and you deserve some time off sick. That’s not how it works.

Agree with it being family money so that’s also ridiculous.

ilovesooty · 28/10/2022 14:49

If you're too ill to go to work you get signed off to recover.

If you think you're at risk but aren't at that stage you try to access interventions to address your mental health at work.

Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 14:52

pilates · 28/10/2022 14:43

Can you go back to work and do your contractual hours with no overtime? See if that makes you feel not so stressed?

I need the overtime. Otherwise I'd have no qualms about just being off.

OP posts:
GrumpyBarsteward · 28/10/2022 14:53

Having taking time off sick with anxiety I do have sympathy. But a GP is extremely unlikely to just hand you a sick note till Jan. It's usually a week or two weeks at a time. And you might find that's all you need.

For me, I reached a stage after a few weeks where the anxiety around missing work was outweighing the benefits of being off work, so I did a phased return and worked with my manager and Occupational Health to identify some reasonable adjustments to help me get back in the swing of things. Also made sure I was taking steps to help myself: meditation, therapy, looking at lifestyle etc.

Is there a halfway house here? Health is incredibly important but if it's going to mean burning through a big chunk of savings then it's worth considering whether that might bring a whole new load of stressors in itself.

Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 14:53

Flagshitstore · 28/10/2022 14:49

Most people would be stressed at the thought of going back to work after a month off. Some stress is normal. Go back and try it. You’ll only be stressed and skint when you go back in Jan.

I don’t like the undertone of you’re being a loyal employee for 15 years and you deserve some time off sick. That’s not how it works.

Agree with it being family money so that’s also ridiculous.

I don't mean I deserve it. I mean I've worked through some very tough times at work. Struggled but didn't go off sick. Now I feel I need it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 14:56

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 28/10/2022 14:44

If your DH has the money for you to stay off, why isn't it family money? Surely he doesn't want you to go back to work when you are feeling unwell?

Would it be a good idea to also look for a different job? Are their aspects of this job which are specifically stressful to you?

I don't feel unwell.
Just mentally can't face the absolute chaos at work.
I'd love to leave but I don't really want to retrain As it took me a long time to get where I'm at.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 14:58

Oh DH has savings and I don't because I have lots of personal debt.id probably pay reduced payments temporarily if I was off sick.
Household wise he contributes the same if not more.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 14:59

Merryoldgoat · 28/10/2022 14:46

How can you be skint but your husband isn’t?

I probably overspend and I do more 'stuff than him.

OP posts:
KimmySchmitt · 28/10/2022 15:02

Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 14:52

I need the overtime. Otherwise I'd have no qualms about just being off.

Show quote history

NHS by any chance? This attitude seems familiar...

It seems like the first step would be seeing your GP. There may be steps they can take, other than a sick line (I mean, good luck accessing any mental health support quickly but you can only try)

MargaretThursday · 28/10/2022 15:04

In saying you think you need to be off until after Christmas, I'm just wondering if it's more not having been in for a month going back seems just such a big hill to climb it's easier to put it off. A bit like Monday mornings but 100x worse. That means you'll feel better now, but in January it will be even worse. Can you afford to be off longer in January?

I think as you've been off with illness you should get a back to work interview? Another option would be to try negotiating coming back part time, which reduces the hill somewhat. Then when you're back part time you may find you feel better, in which case you can look to coming back more and with overtime, but if you feel worse then go off with stress.

How did you feel before you went on annual leave/off sick? Were you considering stress leave then?
If it's only the money sending you back and you have been leading up to this level of stress for ages then you need more time to recover, especially if you're feeling rotten after covid. But they'll probably only give you 2 weeks at a time, so be prepared for that.

Overthebow · 28/10/2022 15:05

I don’t really understand this. Surely if you feel very stressed the you got to your GP and discuss options, they might or might not sign you off sick for a period of time, possibly a couple of weeks to start with. It’s not a default sick note for the time period you decide, you may not even get signed off at all.

if you really feel you need it, you could self certify for a week and make a doctors appointment to discuss options. There may be others things that could help you.

Figgygal · 28/10/2022 15:09

OK think it through youve had a month off and now you're feeling anxious you'll find it hard to get a dr to sign you off for 2 month from nowhere
At the end of your sick note what's going to have changed to enable you back to work? Wont you feel more anxious?
Why can't you ask your employer to undertake a stress risk assessment to see what is triggering you and what can be done about it? Avoidance isn't going to help in long run

Overthebow · 28/10/2022 15:14

It also sounds like it’s the overtime adding to stress? I know you said you need to do this financially but if you can’t do your contracted hours because of stress then you may have to cut this out.