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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go off sick with stress when I can't really afford it?

152 replies

Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 14:15

Just that.
Been I'm my job 15+ years. Dont really have much time off sick as a rule. Job is stressful and it is getting worse.

I've been off a month already as I've had covid plus 2 weeks annual leave. My anxiety has really shot through the roof. I really want to see the GP and get time off sick for stress. Probably till after Christmas.
I don't feel guilty about this one bit(as far as my job is concerned).

Only issue is financial. I get paid, but will lose lots of extra pay for overtime , which I rely on for Christmas. I have no savings.
DH does have savings and has said basically he will give me what I need/want.

Thing is I would need a LOT.

AIBU to want to have sick leave when I cant afford it?

I feel like going to with work will give me terrible stress.
But being skint will also give me stress!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 15:15

Nothing employer can do to make it better trust me!
Gp would absolutely give me a note. No question.
Not for 2 months granted, but they would renew as needed. I've had friends and colleagues off with similar.

OP posts:
Quveas · 28/10/2022 15:17

I've been a loyal employee all these years. I dont take time off willy nilly.

But taking time off willy nilly is exactly what you are proposing to now do. It isn't quite the end of October, but you already "know" that you will need at least two months off. I'm sorry but nobody plans illness with such precision. Your only concern is that you needs loads of money (why? if you don't have money for Christmas you'll have to cut your cloth appropriately and "need" less money). But your solution to whatever your problem is won't work. I can give you an absolute guarantee that the longer you take off, the less likely it is that you will go back. The hill becomes a mountain and you won't be able to climb it.

You've made it clear that you aren't willing to retrain (or change jobs?) so this is what it is - this is your job and unless you win the lottery or accept that you won't have the income you want (or any income), then you need to go back and find either solutions or compromises. Because have a lot of time off sick too, and you aren't going to be an attractive proposition to any new employer. So you get trapped even more.

Right now I think you have to compromise. Go back to work but don't work overtime. Stop spending so much money and focus on a cheaper Christmas and paying off your debts. That way at least you aren't being crushed by excessive working hours. Then make a plan, if you are going to find another job, and start out on that journey. But just hiding from the problems won't solve them, and you are proposing to hide. They will get worse if you don't start being positive about tackling them.

GrumpyBarsteward · 28/10/2022 15:19

It really feels like you've made up your mind OP. And yet all I can think is that you'll get to January, still have to go back to a stressful job and be in a significantly weaker financial position. Crack on if that's what you want.

bowlingalleyblues · 28/10/2022 15:28

I fully agree with taking time off if you are Ill, but to do that with a plan for getting better: medication, counselling, occupational therapy to make adaptations so you can manage some work (maybe not full time plus overtime) or exit to a different sort of work. Just not going in on its own won’t work.

LAMPS1 · 28/10/2022 15:29

If you are physically well enough to go to work, I would try to go. I say that because I think after 4 weeks being away from work, it’s very difficult to face going back to it especially knowing it’s chaotic. You will find that either it’s not so bad after all and worth persisting with because of the financial reward or you will find that you really can’t cope, in which case of course it’s ok to go to the doctor and get signed off …..and rely on your DH for the financial support he has already agreed to.

AriettyHomily · 28/10/2022 15:32

Nothing will change in your job will it? So being off will only prolong, might as well go in and get the overtime.

Or look for a new role.

mrsbyers · 28/10/2022 15:34

Just have a pared back Christmas especially if you are already stressed - I think it’s dangerous to budget relying on overtime in the best of situations but with the extra stress I’d knock that on the head permanently

LIZS · 28/10/2022 15:36

If the sick pay is less than your basic, is going back and not taking on overtime possible. Could you try to see if this can avoid you going sick?

Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 15:37

LAMPS1 · 28/10/2022 15:29

If you are physically well enough to go to work, I would try to go. I say that because I think after 4 weeks being away from work, it’s very difficult to face going back to it especially knowing it’s chaotic. You will find that either it’s not so bad after all and worth persisting with because of the financial reward or you will find that you really can’t cope, in which case of course it’s ok to go to the doctor and get signed off …..and rely on your DH for the financial support he has already agreed to.

That seems like a sensible solution.

OP posts:
MrsMiddleMother · 28/10/2022 15:52

You should go back, atleast until end of November then go back to Dr's and get signed off

UserError012345 · 28/10/2022 16:48

Once you're feeling better (which is priority) you may think if there could have been other solutions than spending savings especially in this climate. It's nice he has offered but it should be last resort.

Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 22:37

mrsbyers · 28/10/2022 15:34

Just have a pared back Christmas especially if you are already stressed - I think it’s dangerous to budget relying on overtime in the best of situations but with the extra stress I’d knock that on the head permanently

Yes the relying on overtime creeps up. I don't need it for everyday living, but I do for Christmas.

OP posts:
Overthebow · 28/10/2022 22:50

Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 22:37

Yes the relying on overtime creeps up. I don't need it for everyday living, but I do for Christmas.

Show quote history

Why is Christmas so expensive that you need lots of extra money for it?

tickticksnooze · 28/10/2022 22:53

What's the exit strategy from the sick leave if nothing will improve while you're off? Can you afford to be unemployed?

Realityloom · 28/10/2022 23:03

You cannot afford to be buying people presents for Xmas!!!

You do need to take time off, job search because going on sick is a short term plan. Start looking for a new job, stop spending what you can't afford also.

Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 23:04

Overthebow · 28/10/2022 22:50

Why is Christmas so expensive that you need lots of extra money for it?

Show quote history

Same as for everyone(mostly).Presents, nice food.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 23:05

tickticksnooze · 28/10/2022 22:53

What's the exit strategy from the sick leave if nothing will improve while you're off? Can you afford to be unemployed?

No I can't afford to be unemployed. There isn't an exit strategy. Sick would just be a breather.

OP posts:
Ialwayssteamveg · 28/10/2022 23:06

Please take the time you need, OP. Many years ago I was in a similar position and didn’t take the time I needed because I couldn’t afford it. I had a breakdown and ended up on income support anyway and it took me along time to get back on my feet.

Iliketeaagain · 28/10/2022 23:06

What I would suggest is trying to go back on a phased return - how is your stress going to be better? What are you doing about it to sort it - what help are you accessing? How is it going to be better after Christmas - if anything, I think it would be harder to go back after such an extended period of time off.

Have you had an OH referral? Psychologically, my personal opinion is that you'd be better going back to work but not doing any overtime - and OH may well suggest that as part of reasonable adjustments in the long term, so that might be something to think about. oH would also be able to suggest a phased return, extended with annual leave if required.

It's better for general mental well-being to have a purpose, to have a reason to get up and dressed and keep yourself occupied.

I've had team members who have gone off with stress who's adjustment is that they don't do overtime and don't do any bank shifts and potentially reduce their hours (with the associated reduction in pay on recommendation of occupational health). Also, as a manager, if I've got someone coming back who's told me they are stressed because of work, I don't agree for them to do overtime - because that isn't helping anyone if you are so stressed about work that you need to be signed off. So there is also a potential financial impact from that.

But TBH, it sounds like you've decided that you just want to be off until after Christmas, like January is a magic month to return - I reckon it will be MUCH harder to go back in 2 months rather than now, unless you do some serious work to try and get help with your mental health. And bear in mind that more than 28 days is classed as long term sickness, so there should be ongoing management reviews to support you to come back to work - and an expectation that you are also taking some responsibility to get yourself to a state of being well enough to return to work.

tickticksnooze · 28/10/2022 23:09

Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 23:05

No I can't afford to be unemployed. There isn't an exit strategy. Sick would just be a breather.

Show quote history

Are you anxious because you've been off so long that it makes going back daunting? That's how your op comes across. If that's the case you will only feel worse after 3 months off.

It's really hard to go back after months out.

Just be careful that in trying to dodge a small problem now you don't create a much larger problem later.

Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 23:09

Realityloom · 28/10/2022 23:03

You cannot afford to be buying people presents for Xmas!!!

You do need to take time off, job search because going on sick is a short term plan. Start looking for a new job, stop spending what you can't afford also.

Another job isn't really an option. Searching, retraining for a role with probably less pay. I've just got to suck it up with my job, as it does have its benefits.
But I feel I need a break from it all temporarily.

OP posts:
user1497787065 · 28/10/2022 23:10

If you are too sick to work it is immaterial whether you are paid or not.
If the extra hours payments are important to you and you are considering whether you should book sick or not as you will lose them you are not too sick to work.

tickticksnooze · 28/10/2022 23:10

What about having a phased return from your current sick leave?

Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 23:12

Ialwayssteamveg · 28/10/2022 23:06

Please take the time you need, OP. Many years ago I was in a similar position and didn’t take the time I needed because I couldn’t afford it. I had a breakdown and ended up on income support anyway and it took me along time to get back on my feet.

Thank you.
I don't want to come across as being lazy or not caring
But I've seen staff come and go. Seen staff worn into the ground. Staff leave all the time. Those who stay get no better thought of.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wagtastic · 28/10/2022 23:14

tickticksnooze · 28/10/2022 23:09

Are you anxious because you've been off so long that it makes going back daunting? That's how your op comes across. If that's the case you will only feel worse after 3 months off.

It's really hard to go back after months out.

Just be careful that in trying to dodge a small problem now you don't create a much larger problem later.

Show quote history

Maybe. I think being off has magnified how I felt before.

OP posts: