To tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they forward face her

[IdiotSandwich05]

Would I be unreasonable to tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they're going to forward face her?

This is NOT meant to turn into a debate about car seats and rear-facing vs forward-facing.

So my daughter is 3.5 and been rear facing since birth and still is. Her rear facing car seat goes up to 25kg and she's only 14kg so I plan on keeping her in it for the foreseeable. My parents have mentioned forward facing her loads of times, (since she was about 18 months!), but it's happening a lot more often recently. They keep saying they're going to buy her a booster seat, I asked why and what's wrong with the car seat we got them and they say her legs are too long and she looks uncomfortable in it 🙄 they also mention that she's quite badly car sick and forward facing would help it. She DOES get car sick but I'm not sure wether FF would do anything and tbh I'd rather she was sick but was safer than not sick but less safe!

They even say they know it's safer to RF! Yet are still constantly mentioning FF 🙄 When I try and show them studies, car seat safety tests, even news articles ect they just laugh and tell me to stop Googling stuff and they did it with me and I survived blah blah. Really bloody frustrating.

Well it came to a head the other day and I lost my temper and flat out told them she was going to continue RF and if they couldn't respect that they weren't taking her out in their car. They can still see her of course, just not actually take her anywhere in the car if they're going to FF.

Well my mum has now called me ridiculous and isn't talking to me 🙄 she says I'm 'over the top' with safety and need to relax a bit! I think SHE'S being ridiculous but I don't know if I was a little harsh?

I should say that this isn't the first time we've argued over safety or lack of it! One time they watched her when she was 8 months old, and when I came to collect her she was asleep in a travel cot with a pillow! I told them this wasn't safe and again got the 'we did it when you were a baby' ect. But they did remove it.

I'm sure this is an argument a lot of us have with our parents. But was I too harsh for saying this?

Some people actually like seeing their grandchildren and don't see it as a chore.

OP. As a GM to a 2 year old, who did get car sick when rear facing, that it's definitely not nice for the child but there is work involved in clearing up, changing clothes. Washing seat covers, cleaning the car, let alone the lingering smell of vomit.
I'm alone with my GC and trying to manage this every time was awful.
Quick chat to his parents, seat changed to FF, problem solved.
GC and me both happier, no more carsickness.
Personally I think you're being over the top, but it's your child, your rules. Just don't expect your parents to do everything your way especially if it causes them hassle. But do expect them to reduce seeing the child.
Trust is very important. I'm sure they want the best for their GC.

YABU. Good grief. Is your child a PFB by any chance.

I will say that if you've exhausted the other sickness remedies and none works then I would try FF even though that would be my last resort as I agree it's not nice for her to be sick or to have life so limited as a result. But it may just be that she's car sick regardless, in which case you would be totally justified in keeping her RF as long as is possible.

There's a lot of misinformation about ERF on MN, so one of the specialist car seat FB pages might give you some more tips or suggestions you haven't tried yet. Worth a try!

I totally agree with you OP.

YANBU or over the top. RF is 5 x safer than FF. The argument about legs being too long etc. is a nonsense too, I'd rather my child had broken limbs than a broken neck as the result of an accident.

Your child, your rules and if your parents cannot respect your wishes then I agree they should not take your DD in their car.

I don't care what other people think when they see my 5 yo DD RF, but I do internally judge those who FF from a young age as the research speaks for itself.

The law really needs to catch up with the research.

That doesnt help. People get sick because if you are facing forward you can anticipate better how the car is moving and bend with it to follow through. Facing backwards , it doesnt matter how much you can see your brain still gets confused and hence motion sickness. Thats also why reading can make you sick because you are not looking out the windows.
Even as an adult i still prefer to sit forward on a train because of horrendous travel sickness as a child.

That wasn't about being sick, it was a reply to the poster who said her DC saw lots of things while travelling and they talked about them and it would be a shame for a child to miss out because of RF. You see even more when RFing 🤷‍♀️

Oh dear oh dear. All the hackneyed classics coming out from people who have zero clue. Unsurprising but still disappointing.

What do they do with their legs when rear-facing?
Children are very flexible, bones do not start to calcify till around 3 years, also the joints are more mobile, as their heads are larger in proportion than ours they tend to be top-heavy therefore when sitting they would normally sit with their legs tucked up or cross-legged. When sitting in a car seat whether forward or rear-facing they will often cross their legs as sitting with legs hanging is uncomfortable as they are not supported. When rear-facing their legs are supported by the back of the vehicle seat and they are happy to sit with their legs crossed or frogged.

Do you never take your child on a tube, train, bus or plane?

@Revolvingwhore have you read the research? Seen the crash test videos?

In a plastic bubble perhaps, with rape alarm and pepper spray.

@Revolvingwhore What the hell is wrong with you that you can't do a rudimentary internet search to check the nonsense you are posting first? And not only failing to do that but then being rude to a poster who is choosing the safest method of travelling in a car she can.

Travel sickness sucks. I still suffer from it now, and I am full of sympathy.

However, internal decapitation sucks more.

My DD is 3.5 and is also still rear-facing. It's non-negotiable for us. She sits with her legs crossed and is quite comfortable in that position.

Five years old. Poor child.

So what if she's 5? If she's in a ERF seat then she fits so what's the problem? Forward facing is not a developmental milestone.

You need to get on top of your safety anxiety so your child isn't adversely affected. School age child treated like a newborn, it's so unreasonable.

Thanks @Hugasauras

@Revolvingwhore my child, my choice. Not sure why you're attempting to personally attack me. You know nothing about my child - their weight etc. I'm guessing you're not an advocate for RF then. Here, have one of these

I don't have safety anxiety precisely because I know my DD is travelling in the safest seat I can buy for her. That tends to make one less anxious

If anyone is genuinely interested in some of the answers to common ERF myths and not just on the wind-up, there's a good guide with pics here (showing an older child RFing)

www.besafe.com/en/misconceptions-rear-facing-car-seats/

Or at the In-car Safety Centre site here:

incarsafetycentre.co.uk/safety-centre/what-is-rear-facing#:~:text=In%20a%20forward%2Dfacing%20car,the%20side%20and%20rear%20windows.

I know this is like 20 pages in, but I just wanted to say I agree with you OP.

Back when I was a child children were all forward facing
I used to be regularly sick on any journey over about a quarter of an hour. FF is no Panacea for travel sickness.

Op

YANBU because it’s your kid so you make the rules and they should respect that BUT… have you ever experienced motion sickness? I can tell you it is hell on earth and it’s not just while you’re in the car, it can make you feel sick for hours after. This would be my main concern at 3.5. The recommendation is to get to 4 RF if you can. But you do have this other mitigating factor of the travel sickness which should encourage you to at least try FF to see if it helps.