Magazines are great at making you feel it all has to be wonderful, sparkling, full of laughter and joy, peace and goodwill, perfect food, .....loads of stuff. Instagram and SM are also prime offenders for this.
Sit down with a sheet of paper and a cup of tea and think about what makes Christmas special to YOU and your family.
Do you want loads of people around or is it a good time for your household to hunker down from the madness of mid-winter for a break?
Do you want loads of fun and frivolity and nights out, or would a quiet hour over coffee and a bun to chat and catch up with a friend be what you prefer?
Do you like religious services, particular types of music or theatre productions (seasonal or not), a trip to the cinema, long wintery walks, shopping til you drop...?
Do you have many obligations in the diary to cover - and how many of those are real obligations that you could quietly let slide?
Then sit down with DH and talk about what the reality of "making Christmas" looks like for your household. If you hosting cannot change, then what needs to be done to make that happen. The cleaning, the buying and wrapping of presents, the decorating, the buying of food, any moving of furniture or making up beds or other preparations for visitors on the day or staying over, planning of all meals over the festive season - not just turkey (or whatever) on 25th...
How is DH willing to step up and do more than in previous years? Or what is he willing to compromise on that you will no longer be doing?
Give DH specific tasks. Like doing ALL the food shopping (you can provide lists). Or buying (and wrapping) gifts for his family. Or moving the spare chairs from around the house and lugging the table into the space that works for large numbers compared to normal living. Organising the chimney sweep, or cleaning out the closet for visitors coats. ...
And manage expectations early for visitors - if you "always" do a massive buffet in the evening that people only pick at, you might do a much smaller spread this year - plenty for them all but not as much choice. Or ask them to bring something to help out - or pay for something earlier. Could be a side dish they are good at, a couple of bottles of wine, a pre-bought dessert, or giving you a donation earlier in December towards the day for when you/DH are doing the big shop.
The other thing in our house, apart from "let it go", is that December is particularly nuts for us. Year end things at work (actual work - not just "lets catch up over lunch/drinks invites!), year end things in my Cub Scout pack and in DD's hockey club, family expectations that we will travel to see them, likely work trips overseas, and normal life as all the shops get really busy so just the weekly shop takes so much longer.
So I try to get ahead as much as possible before 1st December on writing cards (I usually bring those on plane rides), buying (often online) presents, booking online grocery slots for December and getting odd deep cleaning jobs done early so I just need to do minimal maintenance (keep kitchen clean, quick swish over bathrooms regularly, hoover) for most of December. And booking my appointments early - hairdresser, babysitters, any beautician appointments I want (I used to get regular facials, lots of DFriends love getting nails done etc). I try to book a day off to organise myself and take time to relax, and also try to book 1 lunchtime carol concert near my office in the weeks running up to Christmas as I love it but no one else in my house does. I use my early Dec grocery slots to get ahead on storecupboard items for Christmas, including cleaning materials and plenty of things for easy meals. And I try to have a couple of batch-cooked meals or convenience meals (could be fish fillets and oven chips!) in the freezer to throw together a dinner on madder days.