AIBU to feel that Christmas is not fun as an adult?

[Swissnotswiss]

And if I'm unreasonable, tell me your tips!

I'm not usually so bah humbug but this year with everything that's going on including lack of money it just seems overwhelming. I've been looking through Christmas magazines (big mistake!) and slowly realised that if I want decorations, nice food, kids to have presents etc it's going to be literally hours and hours of work and I just feel defeated. Anyone relate? And no, dh isn't terrible but he literally would not bother with anything Christmassy and we always host as for various reasons (health, space) noone else can.

YANBU. Aside from those people who are truly Christian, for whom it is a day of celebration - and they treat it as such, with the respect it deserves - it is just a pointless exercise for most adults. Let's just keep it at church services, for those who wish, and ditch all the other nonsense.

Do you even enjoy always hosting. That is an enormous amount of work and mental load. If you remove that from the picture would it help?

Oh god yes. I mean does mens health weekly have Xmas crap in it? Beyond how to get an Xmas discount for the gym?

This seems to fall massively on women to organise and execute and place our wants and needs at the bottom of the pile to keep the family happy.

I'm.so tired. I'm.so tired of having spent over 24 years of adult life faking it for others to feel good about their efforts.

I dont know how much longer I can keep it up.

Pick the bits you enjoy doing then it doesn't feel like work. Get the kids involved in decorating, make it an event, put music or a film on and have something nice to drink. If nobody wants to get involved then perhaps you don't need to spend hours doing it so keep it simple and focus on something else.

Same with wrapping, get the DC to wrap each other's gifts or pay one of them to do it. When I had a newborn one Christmas I bought big plain paper sacks for everyone wrote their names on, filled them with shredded paper using all the useless end bits of gift wrap I'd accumulated over the years and the unwrapped presents so it was like a lucky dip.

Do a household secret Santa, you can make it to suit your budget or make it a funny one, a best thing I the charity shop one or a themed one, bottles or chocolates for example.

Too late for this year but once we were old enough my parents used to save change all year and then give it to me and DSIS to count, take to the bank and exchange then buy them and each other a Christmas present with.

If you can't buy food ready made but want to keep things easy them make what you can and freeze them. Loads can be done in advance.

Yeah Christmas is hours of work.
I still insist I love Christmas but when I think about it more carefully I spend most of December a bit stressed and juggling a million things!
However there are some lovely parts too, like decorating the tree, spending time with family etc

I enjoy Christmas but we've always kept it very low key .. no paid for entertainment or 'experiences', no over the top decorations - just the same ones each year, no overpriced meals out ... just nice food and wine, Christmas Church services and only focus on 'one day' ... not endless 'special days'. And modest gifts.

Easy to do though as we've only got one DC and don't have to fit in hoards of visitors.

I’m sensing a touch of the martyrs here
You're right. The problem is I do want the decorations and nice food but I have totally failed at getting anyone to help!

if I want decorations, nice food, kids to have presents etc it's going to be literally hours and hours of work

But it doesn't have to be like that. Bring out decorations from last year, and get kids to decorate the tree. Buy ready made / frozen food if you don't want to cook from scratch. 30 mins on Amazon should take care of Christmas gifts

I think Christmas can be as much or as little work as you choose to make it

as you have teens why not get them more involved? Let them decorate? Pick games/films for the day. It would be good for them too.

i do stockings for my teens and it’s stuff like bath bomb, make up, book, choc - small cheap things but easy to start gathering now

buy delicious wine that you wouldn’t usually to spoil yourself?

It's even less fun when you're the single parent of a newly adult child with no family aside from.one remaining, highly cantankerous elderly parent.

Every year the same expense and effort trying to make it special...every year the same aggro...nothing's ever right for parent, child couldn't really give a shit, not much appreciation from either department. Admittedly compounded over the last couple of year by Covid and my beloved dad being on end of life care in 2020, and then our first Christmas without him last year.

But of course there's still the expectation so I can't just sack it all off.

The food and drink is literally the only fun thing about it afaic and with the way the cost of living is headed that's pretty touch and go atm.

I've hated it ever since I worked in retail in my early 20's. It started in September, we'd have the same 15 Xmas songs on repeat and customers got more and more vile as the months went on.

If I didn't have kids, I honestly wouldn't bother with it. As much as I've tried to spread the load, it always falls to me to make it 'magical' because my husband works 72 hours a week. Fucking hate it. Even considered becoming a Jehovah's Witness at one point to make it stop.

And if you're hosting, why not ask guests to bring pudding, cheese, mince pies, drinks etc. That way, you only need to do something with smoked salmon, and a main course. Mary Berry Christmas book has loads of suggestions of dishes that can be prepared in advance

Who do you host OP and how much do they contribute? I think it would be perfectly reasonable to send a message around, if you are having people for Christmas Day to say, 'we are feeling th epinch this year as everyone is so I'm asking people to share the cost. Then divvy up so someone brings a bottle of sparkling and chocolates, someone else brings cheese, another person brings pudding etc. If they are also coming for several days, ask them to bring Christmas Crackers or candles or garlands.

For me Xmas is a feeling rather than items, you can put on some Christmas music, decorate with Poundland tinsel , empty a bag of crisps and chocolate in a bowl , Dance about with your kids and there you have Christmas!
It isn’t about presents , decorations , expensive meals out
My family are religious in Cyprus all they do is Christmas dinner and a trip to church
Over here we like to do Christmas cheap have a bit of a dinner for me up crisps in a bowl watch Christmas films and listen to music and that’s all Christmas and it’s really fun and I look forward to every year

Someone asked me what is your Christmas Day like and the first thing that popped into my head was ground hog day! Same people, same food, same cooking time table!! I do love the run up to Christmas and I know DH and ds’s appreciate what I do but the day itself feels repetitive now. I think we need to move things on now dc are older and do different things.

I hate it. I spend the 2 days cooking for elderly relatives who can’t really eat the meal but won’t let me cook anything else. They then watch the soaps and go to bed at 9. It’s me, them and the cats. I would love to stay at home or go to my boyfriends but love and guilt won’t let me.

The exhale I give when driving home on the 27th is unreal.

And the build up and subsequent adverts featuring multi generations of families, fun, excitement, a heaving table and post lunch games just make it far far worse.

@YellowAndGreenToBeSeen you only have one life to live, if you want to spend christmas with your boyfriend then do!

@safetyfreak I hear you but there is no way I can leave 2 people I love alone, and having the same old same old day they always have. Just couldn’t.

The problem is I do want the decorations and nice food but I have totally failed at getting anyone to help!

You do know that Christmas is two months away, right? That's heaps of time to share the load

I never had Christmas as a child, my parents did nothing, and I was 30 when I got my first christmas present, so I try to do everything right with my children.
As another poster said, do things you like. There is not one Christmas fit everything.

For instance, I could never have elf on the shelf, too much work for me and I admire everybody who does it every year.

I like to decorate our home, but it is nothing like elaborate decorations you see in magazines, it just feels nice and cozy and there is no need for a professional decorater.

I like jigsaw puzzles so I take out a christmas one every December the 1st. I got a cheap jigsaw board so it is easy to put it under the couch when we're not doing it. It stays on the table most of the day and everybody fills it during the day.

I have old decorations, so every year I buy one or two new baubles or something similar so it is not overwhelming.

On december the 1st I take out of the box our old christmas books for children and adults and put them on the table in living room. Every year I buy one or two, but even now we have a decent collection.

So what do you like?

You don't really get a load of event build ups when your children have grown up. I have a work Xmas do and a couple of meals out with hobby groups I am part of, but that's it.

I used to feel guilty about leaving my parents alone on Christmas Day until we discussed it and I realised that they wanted to see us around Christmas, but didn't mind at all if it wasn't on Christmas Day itself. Is it worth having that conversation with them?

You do know that Christmas is two months away, right? That's heaps of time to share the load

What so other people also become something we have to manage aswell?

Managing behaviour added to the list too is there no end to this crap

My absolute favourite Christmases were as a child free adult. Never done a big family Christmas, so we just did whatever we wanted.
First Christmas post dc was my worst ever, it was basically just another day but with extra work and the feeling that it should have been lovely.

I agree that the only thing wrong with Christmas is the expectations we place on it.