AIBU to feel that Christmas is not fun as an adult?

[Swissnotswiss]

And if I'm unreasonable, tell me your tips!

I'm not usually so bah humbug but this year with everything that's going on including lack of money it just seems overwhelming. I've been looking through Christmas magazines (big mistake!) and slowly realised that if I want decorations, nice food, kids to have presents etc it's going to be literally hours and hours of work and I just feel defeated. Anyone relate? And no, dh isn't terrible but he literally would not bother with anything Christmassy and we always host as for various reasons (health, space) noone else can.

Sorry you didn't get to celebrate Christmas as a child. It sounds like you make a lovely effort for your family now! It must make it more special.

@notanothertakeaway they would absolutely say that. Absolutely they would but it would be to assuage my guilt - they would be terribly sad. And this sounds like a drip feed, so apologies, but this could be my fathers last Christmas (sorry for low tone and throwing this in - it’s been like this since last Christmas) but thank you.

Take control of it all now.

Work out what you would like and TELL your DH. Part number, url, everything. Don't leave any room for error.

Then think about what can be done in advance and pace yourself. I'm no xmas prepper but even I have started ordering one or two presents and stashing them away. Adding some wrapping and tape to the weekly shop. Wrap the presents as they arrive and then put them back in their bags with the receipts so you remember what they are.

Put DH & DCs in charge of the tree (buying, putting it up & decorating it) and any exterior decorations. And he's in charge of peeling and prepping veg on Xmas eve.

Choose the easiest menu. Basic bird, roasties, pigs in blankets, gravy. Ask one of your relatives who love baking to make you a dessert because you are feeling a bit overwhelmed this year. Take lots of photos, post on social media, say thank you a LOT. They'll love it. Maybe start a new tradition 😊

And cut back to the things that have the most enjoyment for your family.

Thanks, you're sweet. I'm Christmas crazy now, but I try to keep it low not to make myself crazy. In my defence, I love making lists and organizing everything so things that other people hate, I really enjoy.

Tell the teenagers to get on and do Amazon wishlists - you can add from any website so they can put stuff on they actually want then you and the rellies choose.
Do the same yourself so dh doesn't get you weird things, and give the teens some money to buy for you and dh as well.
Presents in gift bags
One evening decorating with what you have
Decide on a menu that you like and make others help. This year we are having party food all day as dh, ds and I really enjoy that. One year we had a meal just of puddings which ds still goes on about

The issue can be that you are looking at Christmas as one day and not a season. Very few people only get one day off in December. Because we all work in social care, we've had to do family meetups on a different date. This has been outings, from Christmas markets to pantos etc. We've done that instead of adults presents.

Decluttering is a must. Having less stuff is the way to go. If older children want just Roblox/gaming vouchers, then that's what they get. They don't need stuff to open and take up space. Plan out the month and activities. Me and my bf have booked a adult panto and we'll have a Christmas dinner beforehand, even if it's just in Weatherspoons. That's our main Christmas night out. I've booked stuff with my GC. During Covid we did Christmas card making/crafts. Every year I promise to book a coach trip to somewhere like Chatsworth house, I'm going to do it within a few years. We are lucky that there's free light trails etc about. The main thing is to not overcommit and don't be a martyr. The kids like Christmas, so there's a level of stuff that your DH needs to get involved in. We do Christmas Eve gift boxes, but I never did stockings. Pick what's really necessary.

I agree with those who say that the mental load of Christmas falls almost entirely on women. Last year I took the time to set out a planning list with gifts, card list, meal plans and shopping lists. It took away some of the stress as I was confident I wasn’t forgetting anything.

I loved Christmas when my kids were little. We had very little money. The tree came from the local flower stall , toys were often bought from a local lady who sold good quality reconditioned toys. DH and I would spend Xmas Eve setting it all out (no wrapping) and filling the space with balloons to create a bit of a wow factor.

30 years on with grown up (childless)children who are comfortably off themselves and want for nothing the prospect of us all buying, hiding, wrapping things that none of us need or want makes me extremely frustrated.

I have suggested we all put money in a kitty and have a weekend away together in January or just donate to charity instead of all this expensive and pointless gifting. Neither suggestion went down well and it was made clear that Mum is still expected to recreate the magic every year.

I would look forward to Christmas Day if it was food and family - more like Thanksgiving. Unfortunately I think we are addicted to that excitement that being a child or having small children at Christmas brings. I don’t think it is possible to feel that intense Christmassy feeling as an adult but advertising and magazines encourage us to think that it’s only a matter of spending a bit more to recapture the magic.

Focus on your family traditions. Pantomime, or skating or whatever. Xmas markets, seeing lights. We each buy a new bauble each year for the tree. Making things rather than buying.

Saying that, I really don't enjoy the wrapping I leave myself with every year. 😆

I'm single so no sneaking off with a boyfriend for a panto etc

The kids ( they will be 12 amd 16 at Xmas) well they like Xmas but tbh they don't touch the presents realky til a few days after as they don't like the " performance " any more than I want them.to feel the.pressure to act grateful enough etc

If I had a boyfriend I'd definitely be planning to spend Xmas in bed 🤣

I hear you OP, it's not fun. It's a cold and dark time of year and I am just not into the groundhog day-ness of it all, same old same old year in, year out. I am certainly not starting planning the "fun" two months ahead of time.

Basically I do as little as I can get away with. If other people in this house want decorations, and carol singing concerts and the rest of the pointless fluff, they can sort it out because I have no interest in it.

Yeah, YANBU. It’s a lot of work and expense and forced jollity which leaves far too many people feeling inadequate and lonely.

Doesn’t help that the lead-up starts in bloody October so that’s a quarter of the whole year, every year, that we have it rammed down our throats.

I might start a campaign to have it once every four years, like the Olympics or World Cup, then I think I could maybe get on board.

Christmas is a bore festival every year.

Give me a Sunny Summer day anytime.

Doesn’t help that the lead-up starts in bloody October

October? Most shops start putting out the mince pies and advent calendars in September. By this stage in October there is aisles of the stuff. Walked through a shopping centre on Wednesday and Next has gone fully Christmas, with fake snow and trees in the window.

When I am queen of the world, anything Christmas will be banned until 4th December - 3 weeks of "Christmas" shite and then back to normal on Boxing day.

YABU because you are expecting an Instagram experience. I'm not religious so don't 'celebrate' Christmas. It's one day, a roast dinner, some presents.

and agree, @MuttsNutts - every 4 or 5 years would be perfect.

I've felt like this for years op, as an adult is all work work work, extra jobs to do, extra things to buy, extra people to keep happy. We also host due to same reasons as you and I hate every second, can't wait untill they've all gone home. As the dc get older they get harder to please as well, they still want presents to open but don't actually need anything so you're buying for buying sake. The only up side I can see to dc getting older is that I can start to drink wine at midday to make the day slightly more bearable. Eugh. If it were up to me I'd cancel Christmas but obviously I can't so I just plod on with pretending that it's all joyful and cheerfull, roll on January!

I am a bit different because I really love Christmas and don't see it as work like some do. That said, I just don't do the bits I don't like 😂

I agree with pp that it is a good idea to let go of the "should" parts and do what pleases you. Delegate jobs so it is not a burden and just abandon annoying bits. I can't be arsed wrapping, so I use bags. Santa puts stuff in the stockings, reusable gift sacks and in a wee pile on the floor beside the sack.

I love Christmas but I still have one that believes in Santa. The older two happily keep the magic alive for him. My teenage daughter also gets into the spirit with music, decorations and baking during December so it’s not all on me. I only started enjoying the actual day recently when we decided to ditch driving around to visit family all day. We now just enjoy the time together and sometimes catch up with good friends who also can’t be bothered with family politics.

I think its a grown up festival.
I really struggled to adjust when I had chilldren and finding they wanted to play, open presents and do things, not just eat a big meal and drink wine, have cheese and port etc

The bits I love about Christmas cost me absolutely nothing in money or effort - attending the Nativity service at our village church, performed by the Sunday school children, often with a real baby Jesus, if a village mum has given birth recently enough.
Going carol singing round the frosty village streets under the stars and lamplight.
attending the Watchnight service on Christmas Eve, singing Silent Night by candlelight as the clock strikes midnight, then exchanging hugs and greetings with the congregation.
The food, presents and decorations are optional extras to the celebration of Christ’s birth and you can outsource a lot of the labour or reduce the costs as you see fit, OP. Just focus on the actual festival, not the irrelevant trimmings!

I love Christmas and have always enjoyed it! We haven't hosted that often - we usually stay with family for a few days. We've had two Christmasses just us and the dc, which didn't seem like a lot of effort tbh, but were a bit of an anticlimax compared with the usual bigger family Christmas.

I'm in charge of decoration because I love it and dh isn't fussed. Dh does almost all the cooking (whether we're hosting or just us) because he loves cooking and is very good at it and unflappable!

I love Christmas as an adult. But this year feels very flat.

Mine are teenagers now, I just put all the tiny gifts into the stocking now.

Christmas is what you make it, spend what you can afford and enjoy the day with family.

Ok, rather than hijack this one, I’ve started a new thread with a campaign for Christmas to be moved to once every four years only.

Anyone that agrees with me, I need your support over there because the nay-sayers are winning so far…

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4664811-christmas-every-four-years-only-whos-up-for-it

Who are you hosting? I think that's the issue here, you need to stop hosting (unless it's your poor widowed mum or something) and just have a quieter Christmas.