To think hotel booked does not equal sex?

[Hotelschmotell]

So I have someone I have known a long time who I have been speaking to now as we are both single, we live in different towns.

We have been speaking about meeting up for some dinner and something fun. We discussed him coming to me but it’s very very far for him however I am near his town for work sometime. Anyway, I was due to go down for work, I told him this. I was planning on doing a day trip as I usually do. He said he would like to see me so if he booked me a hotel would I meet him for dinner? I felt uncomfortable with this as although I have known him a long time, it feels almost like transactional. Anyway he said he would insist on paying as I wouldn’t stay if i wasn’t meeting him. He said don’t worry I don’t think I’m inviting myself in. So I let him book with the agreement I would pay for our dinner and activities

So I let him book the hotel. I worked all day, got to the hotel, met him. We had two drinks over dinner, he then started stroking my leg which I was uncomfortable with, i moved away twice and laughed it off. Then he started lowering his voice asking if I had sexy pyjamas back at the hotel and could I let him see them. I then said I’m not comfortable with this and I don’t do casual sex. He then said why would he book a hotel if he wasn’t going to get any?

I feel so stupid, I should have booked my own hotel but i thought if I paid for dinner we would be even. Does the fact he paid for the hotel really mean I would be okay for sex? I just feel really horrible. I paid for dinner, I also gave him the money for the hotel so I’m down a lot of money just to be touched up. He’s called me a couple of times but I just can’t

Talk about dogging a bullet OP.

He's gross, he lied outright about his intentions and put you in a position where you were pressured for sex. After saying he was not expecting to join you at the hotel.

I understand what others are saying, if the arrangement was dinner and a hotel and no more said then yes, that does imply sex might be on the cards, but not if it had already been said that that wasn't the intention. And of course even if it was, anyone has the right to change their mind.

dodging* not dogging 😏

To be honest I didn’t want to stay. He told me got great deals through work with hotels as he travels a lot. Im okay I feel a bit sheepish that’s all. Thank you everyone for your input though

He was a chancer and a creep but you say you've known him a long time and were more than friends. He can't be blamed for thinking this was going to result in sex. If not then, when? Am interested to know and not being mean.

I wouldn’t say we were more than friends just that this meeting was a chance to see if we had that spark.

I looked back at our conversations and really we spoke like friends, I know he was attracted to me and he did lay it on thick but he has always been a quiet ‘good guy’. I met him as it was long overdue and I thought even it there was no spark it would be good to see him

Good for you.

he’s entitled.

you are not into that.

next time boom your own hotel or meet for coffee. You have done nothing wrong, I’m glad I’m not dating now as it seems RUBBISH

Imagine a world where you could take a man at his word and then not be told you’re ‘naive’ when he goes against his word.

sorry that happened, OP. 💐

He can't be blamed for thinking this was going to result in sex.
Of course he can.
Firstly - OP told him it would not.
Secondly - he told OP he would not expect to be invited to her room.
Are you some kind of apologist for coerced sex?

If not then, when?
WHAT?
Are you SERIOUSLY asking OP to detail her "expected shag schedule" to you?
Suppose she replied "never!" ? (which for this guy, it obviously is).
Are you going to get pissy with her about that, too?

Am interested to know and not being mean.
You are prurient & seem to imagine that women owe men sex if they socialise with them of an evening.

You weren’t stupid, OP. He said he would insist on paying as I wouldn’t stay if i wasn’t meeting him. Given that he got cheap hotel deals through his work and made a point of saying he wasn’t expecting to share the room, while you had known him a very long time, you were travelling a distance and you were paying for the meal, that seems reasonable. Generous but not suspiciously so.

You must have been upset when someone you thought was an old friend came onto you in that sleazy way. What a nasty shock. I hope you’re feeling better now. Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking you somehow led him on.

I think you were clear about what you were and weren't up for with the hotel @Hotelschmotell .

He's a slimeball.

Eeewww! May have been ok if he at least saw dinner out before judging the situation and trying it on in a more sophisticated and flattering way. IMO he felt he had bought you by paying for the hotel.

You werent stupid. You were upfront about no sex, he agreed with what you said. How were you to know he was a bare faced liar. There are some good guys out there who don't lie about it, somewhere

My only thing would be to insist on paying for the room even if he originally booked it with his special deals. But then hindsight is a wonderful thing.

That's really off, I would have been naive too, taking people at face value, especially having been explicit about your boundaries ☹️ Stop feeling bad or guilty it's totally not on you, but lesson learned xx

Any chance he is an inexperienced good guy? If you like him as friend or potential more, do him a favour and make a joke of it, tell him how awful he made you feel and why etc

What's 'experience' got to do with being a lying sleazebag @lionsandwhales?

How much life experience does a man need, to understand that when a woman says "no sex" & you respond "OK, noted & I won't try it on" that only a predatory arsehole then ... tries it on?
Then acts all offended about it & insults the woman by telling her he's paid, so where is the sex he feels entitled to?

It's not OP's job to educate this dickwad.
It's her job to block him & move on.

Yuck he sounds sleazy as fuck and too tight to pay an escort. I would pay for myself so they don't think they are entitled to sex.

Omg he is gross. He accepted the hotel money back? Next time tell him to hire and escort. You accidentally thought he was being a gentleman. You were totally right and so sorry.

lionsandwhales · Today 00:29
Any chance he is an inexperienced good guy?
There is not a chance that he’s a good guy.

If the business was on the cards, I would of presumed it would be discussed before the bookings would take place,

It seems presumptuous of him to presume.

all the best op.

ps, for me, hotel = covert meeting s

I’m shocked to see the number of sex-pest apologists on this thread. I hope you don’t have daughters.

I would have been the same as you OP, trusting that he meant it chivalrously.

You're well rid. Out of curiosity what was he like agewise, appearance etc?

Yes this.

No, not this. FFS they had a conversation where he lied and said that he was not going to try anything. It’s not the OP’s fault that he’s a liar.

Please don't feel bad. He's a dick.

Men like that count on the way women are socialised to be polite, and to feel shame, when a man is being rude and it's the man who's behaved shamefully.

I hope you stop beating yourself up. You are not naive; he behaved badly. Basically, he lied to you.