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Original poster

To think hotel booked does not equal sex?

115 replies

Hotelschmotell · 27/10/2022 22:31

So I have someone I have known a long time who I have been speaking to now as we are both single, we live in different towns.

We have been speaking about meeting up for some dinner and something fun. We discussed him coming to me but it’s very very far for him however I am near his town for work sometime. Anyway, I was due to go down for work, I told him this. I was planning on doing a day trip as I usually do. He said he would like to see me so if he booked me a hotel would I meet him for dinner? I felt uncomfortable with this as although I have known him a long time, it feels almost like transactional. Anyway he said he would insist on paying as I wouldn’t stay if i wasn’t meeting him. He said don’t worry I don’t think I’m inviting myself in. So I let him book with the agreement I would pay for our dinner and activities

So I let him book the hotel. I worked all day, got to the hotel, met him. We had two drinks over dinner, he then started stroking my leg which I was uncomfortable with, i moved away twice and laughed it off. Then he started lowering his voice asking if I had sexy pyjamas back at the hotel and could I let him see them. I then said I’m not comfortable with this and I don’t do casual sex. He then said why would he book a hotel if he wasn’t going to get any?

I feel so stupid, I should have booked my own hotel but i thought if I paid for dinner we would be even. Does the fact he paid for the hotel really mean I would be okay for sex? I just feel really horrible. I paid for dinner, I also gave him the money for the hotel so I’m down a lot of money just to be touched up. He’s called me a couple of times but I just can’t

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotelschmotell · 27/10/2022 23:11

I think he just let me think he would would agree to me paying for dinner so I felt it would be even? If that makes sense, I don’t know he said he could get great deals on hotels through his work and it was no problem.

OP posts:
SunshineLoving · 27/10/2022 23:14

I wouldn't have gone if I didn't want to have sex with him. Meeting at a hotel like that does usually mean sex.

You turning up though doesn't mean you wanted that. He was rude and embarrassing for assuming. I would never see him again. If you thought he was some kind of friend...he's not.

ScrollingLeaves · 27/10/2022 23:14

Realityloom · Today 23:06
This makes no sense so you paid for the dinner and he paid for your hotel? What was the point.

Next time discuss what your looking for beforehand.

Tge point was to share the cost of getting to know each other after only having communicated from a distance before. There did seem to be an understanding, in advance, that he would not expect to be in the hotel room:

From the OP
Anyway he said he would insist on paying as I wouldn’t stay if i wasn’t meeting him. He said don’t worry I don’t think I’m inviting myself in So I let him book with the agreement I would pay for our dinner and activities

Then in the end OP paid for the dinner and gave him
money for the hotel.

Aarohi · 27/10/2022 23:14

There aren't any universal "rules", but he specifically told you he was booking the room for you because you were travelling to meet him, no expectations. It's a bit weird I suppose; you perhaps should technically have split the cost of the room, but that's not the main issue. The main issue is that he lied to you, he admitted he lied and continued to try to pressure you into sex. Dump him.

SydneySage · 27/10/2022 23:16

We have been speaking about meeting up for some dinner and something fu

what does this mean?:could explain why his wires were crossed?

SydneySage · 27/10/2022 23:16

* fun

Original poster
Hotelschmotell · 27/10/2022 23:18

No when he mentioned fun he said his job is so stuffy and boring he wanted to go ice skating, or bowling! Ha! That kind of fun. Which I thought would be nice to break the ice

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/10/2022 23:19

He was no unreasonable to enquire but the way he did it sounds like he was rushing it, then ignored the obvious signs and then proved he was a total prat.

MadelineUsher · 27/10/2022 23:21

I am surprised you paid for this horrible night our and his hotel.

MadelineUsher · 27/10/2022 23:21

out!

Original poster
Hotelschmotell · 27/10/2022 23:22

I paid when I left the restaurant and I really didn’t want him to have anything over me in regards to the hotel

OP posts:
Unseelie · 27/10/2022 23:24

He’s a creep. He deliberately tried to make you think he wasn’t expecting sex “don’t worry I won’t invite myself in” then once you were trapped in the situation he tried to gaslight you into thinking you owed him sex. This is the kinda crap the bad guy pulls in teenage romance movies, is he 17?!

He has zero respect for you. Ditch him.

KettrickenSmiled · 27/10/2022 23:26

Realityloom · 27/10/2022 23:06

This makes no sense so you paid for the dinner and he paid for your hotel? What was the point.

Next time discuss what your looking for beforehand.

She did.

They discussed, she said she's not up for sex, he said he'd respect that, she said she'd pay for dinner.

All the discussions in the world would not have helped OP, because this bloke WAS LYING. Why you are trying to pin his behaviour on OP as somehow her own fault is beyond me.

Spicypumpkins · 27/10/2022 23:27

I think you’re a bit naive. If I was in this situation I’d automatically assume sex was on the cards and if I wasn’t comfortable with it I’d make it clear I wanted a separate room and nothing would happen.

Its not your fault though he has been inappropriate in assuming that booking a hotel means you’re up for it and has obviously misread the signals at dinner. I wouldn’t bother with him again he sounds like a sleaze.

Wondershoe · 27/10/2022 23:28

Did you genuinely think you were just mates? I would have thought he wanted to pursue a relationship if he offered to pay for a hotel room. That is very naive

however, him being an absolute creep is all on him.

HollyPupp · 27/10/2022 23:28

I would 100% presume he wanted/expected sex in your scenario.

Blocked · 27/10/2022 23:30

HollyPupp · 27/10/2022 23:28

I would 100% presume he wanted/expected sex in your scenario.

Same but only because I've had experience when younger of male friends saying of 'hey why don't you crash at mine just friends I promise' type thing and next thing they're coming onto you.

Original poster
Hotelschmotell · 27/10/2022 23:33

oh the thing is though. He was not staying with me! He was supposed to go home afterwards.

I didn’t think we were just mates but I have known him a very very long time. I thought he would respect my boundaries

OP posts:
bewarethetides · 27/10/2022 23:34

Even if he hadn't indicated he didn't expect anything when it was all arranged so you could have a date/visit, he views sex as transactional. He thinks if he stumps up money for a woman she 'owes' him. Sex. And that's creepy and disgusting as fuck.

I'd tell him that then block him on everything.

HollyPupp · 27/10/2022 23:37

Hotelschmotell · 27/10/2022 23:33

oh the thing is though. He was not staying with me! He was supposed to go home afterwards.

I didn’t think we were just mates but I have known him a very very long time. I thought he would respect my boundaries

Of course he said that… that doesn’t mean he didn’t actually expect to stay in the hotel with you for the night.

HollyPupp · 27/10/2022 23:38

Blocked · 27/10/2022 23:30

Same but only because I've had experience when younger of male friends saying of 'hey why don't you crash at mine just friends I promise' type thing and next thing they're coming onto you.

Show quote history

Same.

Hibye23289 · 27/10/2022 23:39

Once I went to a few bars after work with a male colleague, that's all it was as friends and we were both young like 19, he was rich and he had brought me a couple of drinks that night, we then shared a hotel room, separate beds as he wasn't in the city he lived, god knows why we got a room I was just young! Then he asks me if I would wank him off, sorry to be crude, I said no and I was going to sleep and he was like well I've brought you drinks all night like it was the least I could do in return, I said no you will just need to do it yourself and don't get it on my handbag!!! As it was right next to him 😂😂 anyway I am just telling you to hopefully cheer you up, some men are so rude!

Edders71 · 27/10/2022 23:45

“No.” is a complete sentence.

You don’t need to justify yourself to anyone.

Block the CF and don’t give him another thought. Lesson learned. xx

YankeeDad · 27/10/2022 23:47

@Hotelschmotell geez, what a creep! With a comment like "why would I book a hotel if he wasn‘t getting any," he was effectively blaming you for believing his own statements about why he was insisting on paying, and that he would not invite himself in.

It is a sad comment on men, that all the women on here say you should have assumed he was expecting sex. Hoping for sex, OK, fair enough. Nothing wrong with hoping, if you are both single and get on well. But hoping for sex also means being ready to gracefully accept a "no" if one is forthcoming.

You did nothing wrong, and he was being a prick.

WilsonMilson · 27/10/2022 23:49

Surely it would have been a better arrangement for you to pay for the hotel, and he would get dinner. That way no weirdness about what he feels ‘entitled’ to.

That said, utter creep.