Would you set up a go fund me for a drug addict?

[Needabreakfromthislife]

My brother recently was caught shoplifting and our police force posted it on Facebook that he was jailed. Their was 100’s of comments on how sad they were to see what has happened to
my lovely brother. So many nice comments about how much of a nice person he is.

he desperately needs help and me and his old school friends and my family have come together. We are all going to try and give him the support he needs this time round.

but it is going to cost 1000’s he needs rehab counselling from past trauma. I’m thinking about renting him somewhere near me (away from hometown) I have some savings but not enough so desperately need to raise this for when he comes out.

AIBU to do this? I don’t know how else I can do it.

I think it's worth a try, especially if you have supportive people around you. I think people in general are more sympathetic than the media would have you believe.

I hope you can find a way to get him the help he needs.

What does he want? What services has he already accessed?

If he's ready to pack the drugs in, he can get referred through the NHS on his release from prison.

Otherwise, you'd be wasting your money as much as if you'd bought him smack with it.

YANBU to want to do that, and if he was my family I would 100% support. But, I would not put money into a Go Fund Me for someone I didn't know, or barely knew.

I don't see why you shouldn't

However, surely it will cost a lot of money? How many weeks re-hab will he need and how much does it cost per week and what if he has to go in again because he relapses?

There isn't enough done for people who self medicate because of past trauma, but I wouldn't give. I've given towards funerals for children, people who have needed adaptations because of life changing diagnosis/disability, community groups needing equipment etc and charities. I'd think a cause such as yours could be wasted money.

NHS waiting list is too long, don’t have the time to wait he has deteriorated badly. He got clean before when he went to a clinic but didn’t last long as he just went back home to all the same people and drugs again.

It's not something I would set up or contribute to, in all honesty. I don't mean your brother is undeserving of support, but there's an increasing trend for people having to pay privately to make up shortfalls in the NHS and it's all I can do to pay for my healthcare needs at the moment. Are there no mental health services offered to prisoners?

There are free rehabs. They aren't easy to get into and take commitment. If he wants to get into rehab he will do it without people paying for it.

What addiction support has he accessed already?
Is there some reason why NHS rehab would not work for him?

If you planned to rent him somewhere near you for his release from prison, you may need to discuss this with probation first just in case there are residential conditions to his release.

Is he ready to get clean?
What rehabilitation are the prison service and probation helping him to access?

Also, there's still alot of stigma around addiction and people who have substance misuse issues, so if you do set up a go fund me for it you may need to prepare yourself for the possibility of not raising the funds, and the potential that some people are going to be nasty about it.

Its a tricky one, they do get a certain amount of rehab in prison but trauma counselling is really not much cop on the NHS, I have PTSD and had to pay privately for therapy in order to get better.
You could certainly try but he has to be willing to undergo treatment.

He's going to come out of prison detoxed. Hopefully on an opiate substitution med (if his addiction is at least in part to heroin?). It's a really risky time in terms of relapse/overdose. Make sure he isn't released on a Friday and that the local addiction service has him booked for a prescribing appointment on release. The options available to you will depend where you are in the country, I'm afraid it's a real postcode lottery of services available and how accessible they are. If you are happy to share your location those ideas us who are involved in thins field of work might be able to make some suggestions.

Regardless of rehab and therapy options, try and engage him in some kind of mutual aid. NA is the one most people think of but it's not for everyone, SMART recovery is good too.

I'd gladly contribute to something like this but I know lots wouldn't. That said, don't rush into any options. You need a plan that your brother buys into and that is sustainable in the longer term. Wishing you well. I'd also really recommend you tap into support services for yourself as you will need it. You sound like a lovely sister.

I know you have all the best intentions in the world, but it needs to come from him. He needs to make the decisions, he needs to be putting the effort and he needs to be asking for the help.

If he comes out has everything handed to him on a plate then he will likely relapse again. You should also seriously consider whether you want him living near you if he does relapse again. Being near people he knows won't make any odds whether he can access drugs again or not, these people find each other very quickly.

Its so hard, I have been there, and done that, tried to help, and learned the hard way that I couldn't.

What was he actually jailed for. Was he a prolific shoplifter or was he involved in something more serious?

I wouldn't contribute. I wouldn't have any confidence it would help and I'd rather give to a charity that dealt with drug rehabilitation rather than an individual.

I know you want to help your brother but I think you need to be careful too. Is there a reason you think it will work this time around? I hope it does!!!

I hope this comes across as intended, to help you see it from the outside perspective. I read it and it sounds harsh but I think reflects what reactions you might get.

Given that the previous rehab only had a very temporary effect I would not contribute if asked. I would not have faith that the person would not repeat the same thing again when they get back home. To feel differently about it I would need to know that they were moving away from the people that are likely to drag them into the drugs again.

It sounds callous but you’d be competing with some other causes that people would rate as “more deserving” which means it’s something that they can virtue signal about E.g. saving children or animals or helping cancer research etc is an easier sell than rehab for someone who has been through trauma and turned to drugs to cope.

I hope you find some good support for your brother and he gets the help he needs. Are any of the ex offenders charities able to help or advise?

To paraphrase a well-known saying, addiction is for life, not just for the past.

He will effectively be in rehab for the rest of his life. That means not just getting and staying clean, but altering his mindset, filling the drug-shaped hole in his life that being clean will leave, getting and keeping new friends who aren't users, getting and keeping useful employment, et cetc, and staying clean through all this.

I understand that you want to help, and he's very fortunate to have such a supportive family. But throwing money at this short-term isn't going to work without a seriously long-term overview and HIS will and desire to work on this for the rest of his life.

Sorry if this sounds negative.

So what's to stop him doing it again?

Absolutely not. He got himself into this mess. He can afford the drugs so he can afford the treatment too if he’s serious.

And no I wouldn't donate, I'd consider it wasted money tbh. I'd prefer to donate to more worthy causes.

No, the whole thing about withdrawing is that it has to be the addict who decides to do - it has to be their effort. You can't stop someone being an addict just by paying for rehab. They will come out and mix with the same people again - just as your brother did.

It's only when your brother realises that's no way to live that he'll be able to stop. You can't get him to that point, sadly.

I don't think there's anything stopping you but I think people could be a bit judgy about it and it might be uncomfortable for you. I wouldn't donate to something like this for a stranger but might do if it was someone known to me who I liked and had sympathy for.

Surely he wasn't sent to prison for shoplifting?

The support systems put in place for people leaving prison particularly those who have difficulty with substances are woefully under resourced and often not really what the person needs. Part of the problem is often people come out straight into old relationships and friendships and circumstances with unstable accommodation and that makes it much harder for them to maintain new sobriety. Most rehab services especially free ones have a lengthy waiting list and require you to be clean in your community for a number of weeks or months before they'll accept you. These are massive barriers to support and without resources and support networks it's no wonder people relapse. I think it's fab you're willing to help your brother and I don't think it's unreasonable to set up a go fund me- if people don't like it they don't need to contribute. I think you need to sit down with him and his key worker overseeing the plans for after his release and decide on a plan together and that's what you use the money to fund as well as a place in rehab maybe private if it gets him in sooner when the timing is better for him. Getting a fresh start in a new area where he has good support systems and plans in place to keep himself busy as well as immediate acceptance into a DA group for support is really important here. If he could get a job going who will be flexible with him when he gets into rehab and keep a space for him coming out, even better or maybe some sort of education programme. He does need to want to do this but I'm not against taking some of the hurdles away, a lot of people don't fully understand just how tough it is to get the right support.

No I wouldn't contribute.

I wouldn’t donate. I say that as someone whose brother died in late twenties due to drug use. Not an overdose; drugs destroy your body in lots of ways.

He needs to want to be helped and whatever you do to prop him up will be undone when he falls in with his old group of friends again.