Would you set up a go fund me for a drug addict?

[Needabreakfromthislife]

My brother recently was caught shoplifting and our police force posted it on Facebook that he was jailed. Their was 100’s of comments on how sad they were to see what has happened to
my lovely brother. So many nice comments about how much of a nice person he is.

he desperately needs help and me and his old school friends and my family have come together. We are all going to try and give him the support he needs this time round.

but it is going to cost 1000’s he needs rehab counselling from past trauma. I’m thinking about renting him somewhere near me (away from hometown) I have some savings but not enough so desperately need to raise this for when he comes out.

AIBU to do this? I don’t know how else I can do it.

Not quite what you’ve asked for OP - but I would definitely look at Studio House (appreciate you said you think he’d benefit from being further away so apologies if it’s local to you) as I’ve had individuals I’ve supervised do brilliantly there, and be supported to manage relapse prevention in the community. Emmaus may also be worth considering, again I’ve worked with individuals in Emmaus projects who have been monitored and well supported through addiction, with sort of a ‘phased’ adjustment period to managing addiction in the community, building relationships, work experience etc. It’s been a while since I’ve referred anyone, but I believe he’ll need to be referred by his probation officer assuming he’s been allocated (and assuming this is what your brother wants to happen).

I really wouldn’t depend on the probation service to be giving that one to one support around addiction and relapse prevention. It’s no longer something we are ‘approved’ to deliver intervention around and are expected to refer and outsource to charities like We Are With You who are honestly, a bit shit at times and he’ll likely be fobbed off with a workbook to take away to do. Groups and targeted intervention borders on non existent these days.

Maybe if I knew the person and thought it would genuinely help.

If it was my brother that they posted about, I'd set up a gofundme to hire someone, but it wouldn't be to hire a therapist for my brother. Let's just say it might be considered "alternative" therapy.

How fucking dare they?

I've been through some utterly fucking horrific times and the one person who stood by me through it all was my big brother. He played this song for me once and it broke my heart.

You'd have to go through me first to get to my brother (even though I was his little sister, I protected him too).

All that aside, addiction is the medication for feelings that you can't control. Some believe it's incurable. I don't.

I'm pretty sure he did some pretty fucking damned awful things to fund whatever his drug was (maybe not too). There are services but they vary from place to place in terms of funding. I really really really wish him and you all the best in the future.

I'd fund him.

Who on earth would contribute!!??

My brother was the same, on heroin for over ten years and in and out of prison. He never really engaged with the NHS treatment but towards the end of his using we started engaging with the Met police safer neighbourhood team and they actually got him funding for a rehab in Lowestoft in 2016.

He went straight there from prison, we never thought he'd stay. He actually managed to get a bottle of whiskey on the way down and our hearts sank.

Much to everyones surprise he's 6 years clean now though, working and living with his girlfriend. He cant come back to London because its so much of a risk.

I'd definitely start pushing the local police who are dealing with him to see if they can do something similar. This one closed down recently which was such a shame.

I really feel for you, it's so exhausting finding them appointments and then having your hopes dashed when you realise they don't want it as much as they said they did.

I do believe they have to want it but I also think they should be given rehab when you consider the cost of nicking them and locking them up repeatedly. I'm a recovering alcoholic myself and got sober through AA but heroin is just different and needs proper treatment.

I wish you all the best, your post awoke all those horrendous feelings I used to have. It can get better though! Xx

Sorry I just realised you didn't actually say what he needed rehab, I'm just being presumptuous! X

well if you think people would donate then why not? I voted you are being unreasonable but that’s only because I wouldn’t donate towards a drug addict who had been sent to prison personally. However you may know different people to the people I know or myself, and so go for it. I personally would expect someone to get a loan and drum up family support to pay it off. If you think that kind of thing would work

Just a huge hug to everyone who has supported someone through addiction. I’m going through this now and it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

I don’t think a crowdfunded rehab place is the answer unfortunately, but I can see the appeal. As others have said, it has to come from him. Speak with his keyworker about him living near you as there might be a suported housing option.

To the PP who referenced Emmaus, that sounds like a good suggestion.

The issue is not detoxing, it's him giving up his druggie mates and wanting to change his lifestyle.

If he isn't ready to do that, it's money down the drain.

Not unreasonable to set it up, but I wouldn't be donating to it.

Does he WANT to get off it? It’s not going to be much use, if not.

There’s nothing ti stop you setting a page up; people set them up for anything.

I wouldn’t contribute, personally. But close friends might? Depends if you’re intending on asking the general public, or just people who know him, I guess.

Did you just think that and then did you just type that? Because I find it hard to quite believe that there isn't some sort of a stop-gap between your thoughts and your typing of them?

I would be very unlikely to donate because I would assume that the money would be spent on drugs. Funding addiction obviously solves nothing for the addict, and I would be concerned that the police could come to my door to investigate why I was knowingly funding the illegal drugs industry.

Is that where funding the drug industry is at right now?

Gofundme pages? 😂

Yes, I would if I was in a position to.

Life is really fucking cruel and whatever someones past story, they deserve hope to have a better future one.

Best of luck to him and you x

No I wouldn’t donate because I would think there is a high chance of that money ending up funding the drugs trade which is the cause of so much violence and misery (from source to addict.) Does he want to get clean? I mean really get clean? It’s like that saying - sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can change. If he’s not there yet there is such a high likelihood of relapse.

I would warn you though, that words of support rarely translates to money. So, even though they know your brother as a lovely guy, words are easy..... Be prepared for him and you to fight this alone and also be prepared to lose him.

If he's really really ready and committed to change then I might consider it, but watching my friend sell her house to fund her son's many rehab stays , only for him to come out and go straight back on it, I'd be sceptical.

I would.

Go for it, what a lovely thing to do for your brother. I'd happily donate to something like your brothers rather than the constant stream of Go Fund Me's for uninsured pets who suddenly need surgery.

I would too.

Also OP, have a look for somewhere which might provide SBNT as an intervention (social behaviour network therapy). Has a good evidence base and is great where the person has a good network around them. Also empowering for you

For what it's worth, despite what mainstream media would have you believe, the prognosis for addiction disorders is really good. In fact, it has the highest recovery rate of almost all mental illnesses. People do recover. Hang in there for your brother

Harsh but do not help him until he comes begging for help , renting him a flat will only enable his behaviour and tbh the rehabs in this country are shite he’ll either want to be clean or he won’t it’s therapy that’s works I’ve been through this £14,000 rehab which was like a hostel and it slightly worked but a top therapist outside of this helped a shit lot more than what it did .

Sadly I’m in a similar position with my sibling. Even if it were their gofundme page, I wouldn’t donate - it’s been a cycle of using, abuse, disappearing acts, crime and I don’t believe it’s going to stop. Don’t get me wrong, I hope and pray it does, but I just don’t see it yet.

It’s awful feeling so powerless against the system and I would love to help financially, but unless I was 100% sure it would work I’m not going to divert money away from my little family to fund a gamble I don’t think will work. Emotional and practical support I’m there with bells on, financially I’m out.

@Needabreakfromthislife

I have a family member in the same position op and it's awful 😢

Just from a slightly different angle on the go fund me side.

Things to consider for yourself.

. Who would be admin and in charge?If it's you be prepared for some keyboard warriors and what shit will come with it.

.If people ask if he's been to rehab before are you going to tell them the truth?or say no?
Because that would sway many peoples decision on donating.

. I totally understand how you must be feeling however are you going to be thick skinned enough to deal with any onslaught if it goes ahead and then he relapsed?

And finally how is that going to affect your relationship with him if you put yourself and your sanity in the line and he was to relapse because let's be honest most addicts have had at least two try's before succeeding.

Have you spoken to any professionals regarding your situation at all?

I don't want this to sound awful but there are so many people like your brother that have made wrong choices and are now in this situation so as special as he is to you and your family he isn't to the people you are asking to donate and you need to be prepared for that.

Think honestly here but say your neighbour you live a few doors down from has an alcoholic sibling

Would you automatically think that you would really want to donate to help get them to rehab without even asking these questions above or knowing anything about his situation? Because that's how people will think.

Your coming from a place of love and worry and seeing your parents go through the constant stress will also be making you want to do all you can but ultimately the only person that can do that with or without rehab is your sibling I'm afraid.

There are services available for addicts and drop ins etc and yes I know the waiting times can be long but is he already in a waiting list for help?medication?

Has he told you how much he wants to be clean and has made the move and engaged with services so far?