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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I “callous and uncaring”?

119 replies

HolidayJinn · 27/10/2022 15:35

My neighbour gets shopping every week from 3 different supermarkets for an elderly couple on our road because they are v particular about their brands of certain things eg only M&S meat but veg must be from Morrisons and bread has to be from the big Saino’s in store bakery. I don’t know exactly why they don’t do their own shopping. It started during lockdown 1 but for some reason is still continuing. The couple still go out and about - the man drives and the woman also goes into town on the bus.

Neighbour is going on holiday for 6 weeks over Christmas to NZ and couple have asked if I’ll get their shopping in. I’ve said I don’t mind getting a few bits but I only go to Tesco and don’t have time to go all over the place. Oh. My. God. They’re acting like I’ll see them starve through the winter. They called me callous and uncaring! I just don’t have time with a full time job and 3 children.

Would you do this? Whyyyy is my neighbour still doing their shopping after 2.5 years?

OP posts:
IndiGlowie · 28/10/2022 12:46

Be assured that if you start doing this shop you will still be doing it when this neighbour returns from NZ . I think she has suggested you to do this shopping to the elderly neighbours

ImAvingOops · 28/10/2022 15:05

Why does the OP need to find a nice middle ground? None of this is her responsibility. Just because you live in the same street as someone, it doesn't follow that you owe them anything beyond considerate parking/noise levels or taking on the odd parcel.

LadyKenya · 28/10/2022 15:11

This is so tedious. If what the op is offering is not enough, then the answer is to withdraw what was on the table.

Topseyt123 · 28/10/2022 16:18

ilovearainyday · 28/10/2022 11:09

I think the happy middle ground is to tell them you go to Tesco and you're happy to pick up some bits from there but you're not chasing all over town to get a particular type of bread! Are they online? You can perhaps introduce them to the joys of online deliveries.

No. They have already been extremely rude so absolutely no need at all for a middle ground. Tell them no! Tell them to jog on.

Floomobal · 28/10/2022 16:48

I can’t think of a nice way to ask why they can’t do their own shopping while Doormat Neighbour is abroad. Or ever, really.

I can. You simply say “why can’t you do your own shopping?”

Mentalpiece · 28/10/2022 17:17

I would have told the neighbour that they had a weird sense of humour and then bimbled back into my house while laughing.
I certainly wouldn't have agreed to get their groceries.

ImAvingOops · 28/10/2022 18:04

Mine is driving me slightly nuts - keeps collaring my (young adult)kids to deal with her deliveries! But they are trying to wfh and are in the process of moving out. I don't want her becoming accustomed to them always being around.

Musicaltheatremum · 28/10/2022 18:11

Crumpleton · 27/10/2022 22:24

My MIL is 97 and does her own shopping. Online. (Admittedly she does cock it up occasionally, but at least she tries!!)

I'd imagine there are a good few of us on MN a lot younger younger than your MIL that's wondered why we've only had 2 carrots and one onion as part of our delivery.

@Crumpleton in my early 50s I managed to order 6kg instead of 6 carrots!!
My mum did her own shopping aged 85 until a few weeks before she died. My dad aged 90 can now still manage the shopping though his lovely neighbour does a lot for him. She started doing it for him when mum became unwell in the late spring.

Cheeseandlobster · 28/10/2022 18:15

Keyansier · 27/10/2022 15:40

Why don't you mind your own business? If you're that interested in finding out why, then question your neighbour about it - they're the one that agrees to do it. They could be getting paid for all you know and need the extra money.

Not you again. You seem to love being rude and unnecessary. Weren't you the one who said you would take someone's cat and drop it miles from home if it dared to venture near you?

If you read the op you will see they have been asked. So therefore they have made it the op's business 🙄

WibblyWobblyTimeyWimeyStuff · 28/10/2022 18:26

Cheeseandlobster · 28/10/2022 18:15

Not you again. You seem to love being rude and unnecessary. Weren't you the one who said you would take someone's cat and drop it miles from home if it dared to venture near you?

If you read the op you will see they have been asked. So therefore they have made it the op's business 🙄

Show quote history

Did that poster really say that about someone's cat? Shock That's actually very upsetting. And very cruel. Sad

dizzydizzydizzy · 28/10/2022 18:29

Of course YANBU. The elderly couple are batshit.

Topseyt123 · 28/10/2022 18:29

Cheeseandlobster · 28/10/2022 18:15

Not you again. You seem to love being rude and unnecessary. Weren't you the one who said you would take someone's cat and drop it miles from home if it dared to venture near you?

If you read the op you will see they have been asked. So therefore they have made it the op's business 🙄

Show quote history

Blimey, I didn't know that. Well spotted. What a shit this poster is!!

thing47 · 28/10/2022 18:59

I can – and do – shop for an elderly neighbour, but she only gets stuff from the supermarket to which I am going, usually Tesco, occasionally Waitrose. Not a hope in hell I'd be going round getting specific bits and pieces from a variety of different supermarkets. It's a take it or leave it offer. Fortunately she is always grateful, she even tries to insist on paying me, which I refuse because I am going anyway and she's a 94 year old widow.

Milknosugarta · 28/10/2022 19:17

I'd have asked why " Don't mind me asking CF, but why can't you pick up your own shopping"??

Keyansier · 28/10/2022 19:22

Cheeseandlobster · 28/10/2022 18:15

Not you again. You seem to love being rude and unnecessary. Weren't you the one who said you would take someone's cat and drop it miles from home if it dared to venture near you?

If you read the op you will see they have been asked. So therefore they have made it the op's business 🙄

Show quote history

How was I being rude? I said that the arrangement between the elderly neighbours and the other neighbour is none of OP's business. OP already dismissed the idea of travelling around shops for the elderly neighbours so I didn't feel need to comment on that part.

Mix56 · 28/10/2022 20:16

Surely you just say.
"You are still out & about surely you can get your own shopping ?"

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 28/10/2022 20:29

Can you ask the current doormat neighbour why they can't do their own shopping? If it's because, say, they are too frail to carry heavy bags I would be volunteering half an hour of my previous time to teaching them how to organise deliveries online.

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 28/10/2022 20:29

precious

JanetSally · 28/10/2022 20:50

Keyansier · 27/10/2022 15:40

Why don't you mind your own business? If you're that interested in finding out why, then question your neighbour about it - they're the one that agrees to do it. They could be getting paid for all you know and need the extra money.

Perhaps read posts properly in future, instead of giving into your desire to be nasty and bitter?

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