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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I “callous and uncaring”?

119 replies

HolidayJinn · 27/10/2022 15:35

My neighbour gets shopping every week from 3 different supermarkets for an elderly couple on our road because they are v particular about their brands of certain things eg only M&S meat but veg must be from Morrisons and bread has to be from the big Saino’s in store bakery. I don’t know exactly why they don’t do their own shopping. It started during lockdown 1 but for some reason is still continuing. The couple still go out and about - the man drives and the woman also goes into town on the bus.

Neighbour is going on holiday for 6 weeks over Christmas to NZ and couple have asked if I’ll get their shopping in. I’ve said I don’t mind getting a few bits but I only go to Tesco and don’t have time to go all over the place. Oh. My. God. They’re acting like I’ll see them starve through the winter. They called me callous and uncaring! I just don’t have time with a full time job and 3 children.

Would you do this? Whyyyy is my neighbour still doing their shopping after 2.5 years?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/10/2022 17:13

Do they/ you live in the middle of nowhere? If not, what on Earth is wrong with online shopping if they don’t fancy going into the supermarket for whatever reason.

I know not every supermarket delivers everywhere but at least one must go to them? I agree they can’t be choosers re which supermarket the food must come from if they won’t go themselves.

Point them in the direction of supermarket deliveries

Eeiliethya · 27/10/2022 17:13

Omg if they're still making their way about I wouldn't even agree to do their shopping, fuck that with 3 kids and your own life going on.

If they were housebound and disabled then absolutely I would help them but not in this instance.

Withdraw the offer for Tesco and tell them to fuck off.

YANBU.

WibblyWobblyTimeyWimeyStuff · 27/10/2022 17:13

@ImAvingOops

Being neighbourly is taking in a parcel or putting the bins out for someone who is frail. It isn't being a general dogsbody and doing routine chores for people who can do/pay for it themselves.

Yeah I agree with this. And it's actually shocking how many people will take advantage, and let good natured people do stuff for them, that they are perfectly capable of doing themselves. And then they get arsey/offended/pissy when you try to stop it.

There's a couple of women in my street who have young kids (under 7,) and one of them had a baby in the Springtime, and both of them have been angling for some babysitting duties, and hinting at me (and several other neighbours) to look after their kids for a bit while they go shopping, out with mates for lunch, off clubbing etc.

One even said she doesn't know how she's going to cope when her MIL moves to a town 15 miles away, because she'll have no-one to pick up her son from school and keep him til 6pm (3 days a week) when she gets home from work. Said this to me and 2 other neighbours. We all work from home, or are SAHMs ... The woman was clearly after one of us offering to get him and look after him. There was a weird silence for about 30 seconds, and then one of the neighbours changed the subject.

I wouldn't offer in a million years. Apart from the fact I have my own life, my own responsibilities and commitments, and my own family; as I said earlier in the thread; been there, done that, been taken advantage of, mugged off, and been treated like shit by people who just used me for free babysitting, free stuff, to cadge money off etc...

Also been used as a free childminder for many children when my DC were at school, by women who said 'she likes it as your house' and thought nothing of letting them come home with my kids and not picking them up til 8.30pm. Regularly.

Can't believe I let it happen tbh.

Eeiliethya · 27/10/2022 17:15

Herejustforthisone · 27/10/2022 16:05

Tell the lazy fuckers to get bent.

^^

Is pretty much what I wanted to convey in my post 😂. Perfection.

Eudaimonia5 · 27/10/2022 17:17

As a working mother with little time, could you ask "elderly" (but clearly very mobile) couple if they'd do some shopping for you? You can tell them you've noticed they go out a lot and have a car and as they're retired, they have far more time on their hands than you do. I bet it would be quite nice for you to have some shopping from different supermarkets instead of being stuck with Tesco all the time

Fe345fleur · 27/10/2022 17:23

FamilyTreeBuilder · 27/10/2022 15:38

Well obviously they're still doing it because it's easier for them to send their little minion round three different shops than go themselves.

They are your common and garden cheeky fuckers.

This. Absolutely you don't have to do it for them.

Entwifery · 27/10/2022 17:28

I'd really like to know what's so special about Morrison's veg that makes it the only acceptable option...

KimberleyClark · 27/10/2022 17:31

If he drives and the woman can use public transport they are taking the piss getting other people to do their shopping. Why can’t they do it online? If they don’t know how offer to show them maybe?

Hostervine · 27/10/2022 17:34

I'll probably get flamed for this but... why do I feel elderly neighbours would never have asked this to OP if she'd been a man?

There's something about society that assumes women in the community will 'mother' them.

I'd say fuck off and go fuck yourselves whilst you do it.

Hoppinggreen · 27/10/2022 17:37

ClinkeyMonkey · 27/10/2022 17:09

Beware!! Your neighbour is NEVER coming back from NZ - anything to get out of shopping for those two piss takers😅😅

They probably haven’t even gone
They are probably hiding behind the sofa with the curtains drawn until the CF find a new willing victim

Mariposista · 27/10/2022 18:04

I am all in favour of looking out for very elderly or infirm neighbours, relatives and friends but this is taking the mick - the couple are able to go out, drive and have very specific requests. They need to shop themselves.

KatieBell12 · 27/10/2022 18:12

They are CFs. I'd tell them you're not even going to do anything for them now.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 27/10/2022 18:24

Your neighbour may get a buzz out of ‘Looking after the old dears’ or she may be hoping to be left a ‘ little something in the Will’.

SaintVitasShagulaitas · 27/10/2022 18:34

I would tell them about this wonderful new invention called online shopping, and thereafter steadfastly ignore them.

GinIronic · 27/10/2022 18:50

ClinkeyMonkey · 27/10/2022 17:09

Beware!! Your neighbour is NEVER coming back from NZ - anything to get out of shopping for those two piss takers😅😅

I wish MN had a "like' button. 👏

HolidayJinn · 27/10/2022 20:26

Fairly sure Doormat Neighbour isn’t getting paid for this. She’s also similarly busy with two kids and job and husband working abroad! Maybe she just doesn’t know how to get out of it having already said yes.

I can’t think of a nice way to ask why they can’t do their own shopping while Doormat Neighbour is abroad. Or ever, really.

OP posts:
TootsAtOwls · 27/10/2022 21:45

Why don't they just get their shopping delivered like most other people do?

I really hope your other neighbour users this holiday to break the habit. In fact as it's a 6-week holiday I suspect that's the sole purpose of it!

44PumpLane · 27/10/2022 21:48

Why don't you ask doormat neighbour (kindly) why she is still doing the shopping. She may have a reason or she may tell you that she just doesn't know how to get out of it.

But there is no way in hell I'd be running round after them given they go out and about themselves! If they want to be fussy they have to put themselves out, not their neighbours!

Brigante9 · 27/10/2022 21:49

I f8nd it beyond outrageous that they’re asking you this-3 kids and you work so they think you’ve got time to do their shopping-in 3 different shops? Bonkers.

Heronwatcher · 27/10/2022 21:51

Mad, mad. Quite apart from anything else all of these places do online shopping- can’t they at least do 2 out of the 3 shops online?

Floomobal · 27/10/2022 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

cassianroared · 27/10/2022 21:57

@Keyansier

From what I can see op has said she will do it, from the supermarket she personally uses.

She's just not prepared to get 3 separate shops from 3 different supermarkets as the elderly couple want.

How is she unreasonable?

EndlessMagpies · 27/10/2022 22:02

Swivellingbrat · 27/10/2022 17:03

FFS. My mum is 87 and does her own shopping. They can order online or pay someone to shop for them.

Staggeringly rude and entitled to expect someone to go to 3 supermarkets.

My MIL is 97 and does her own shopping. Online. (Admittedly she does cock it up occasionally, but at least she tries!!)

Crumpleton · 27/10/2022 22:24

My MIL is 97 and does her own shopping. Online. (Admittedly she does cock it up occasionally, but at least she tries!!)

I'd imagine there are a good few of us on MN a lot younger younger than your MIL that's wondered why we've only had 2 carrots and one onion as part of our delivery.

Crumpleton · 27/10/2022 22:26

Younger younger..🤦‍♀️