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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I “callous and uncaring”?

119 replies

HolidayJinn · 27/10/2022 15:35

My neighbour gets shopping every week from 3 different supermarkets for an elderly couple on our road because they are v particular about their brands of certain things eg only M&S meat but veg must be from Morrisons and bread has to be from the big Saino’s in store bakery. I don’t know exactly why they don’t do their own shopping. It started during lockdown 1 but for some reason is still continuing. The couple still go out and about - the man drives and the woman also goes into town on the bus.

Would you do this? Whyyyy is my neighbour still doing their shopping after 2.5 years?

OP posts:

Somethingsnappy · 27/10/2022 15:56

Keyansier · 27/10/2022 15:49

I do not understand this response at all.

Show quote history

Your first response didn't seem as though you had read the op properly, because of course it is op's business, if she's been asked to step in.

Keyansier · 27/10/2022 15:56

Neighbour does shopping for two elderly neighbours.

Neighbour is going on holiday.

Elderly neighbours asked OP to do their shopping in neighbour's absence. OP said no. Elderly neighbours called OP callous and uncaring.

OP is astounded that neighbour does shopping for elderly neighbours 2.5 years later and wants to find out why.

I said OP should mind their own business because the arrangement between the other neighbours isn't anything to do with OP.

What exactly have I missed?

KettrickenSmiled · 27/10/2022 15:58

I just don’t have time with a full time job and 3 children.
Hey - you don't need to justify yourself.
Women don't owe randoms their free labour.

Neighbour is going on holiday for 6 weeks over Christmas to NZ and couple have asked if I’ll get their shopping in. I’ve said I don’t mind getting a few bits but I only go to Tesco and don’t have time to go all over the place. Oh. My. God. They’re acting like I’ll see them starve through the winter. They called me callous and uncaring!
Fuck my old boots that's rude!
Tell them that you don't do favours for people who call you names.
Tell them you'd have been happy to go shopping for them at your usual store, but as that's not good enough for them, perhaps they need to find somebody else.
Tell them you'll let mutual neighbours know how insulting they are to people who offer to help them, & wish them luck finding a new mug ...

Cremombuly · 27/10/2022 15:58

My friend's mum started doing this for my friend's grandparents during covid. Now they go wherever they want again, while their daughter, who works in a very full on job, is still wandering round three supermarkets a week to get the specific brand of spam they want. Cheeky fuckers.

Herejustforthisone · 27/10/2022 16:05

Tell the lazy fuckers to get bent.

Ohhhhladz · 27/10/2022 16:05

I’ve said I don’t mind getting a few bits but I only go to Tesco and don’t have time to go all over the place. Oh. My. God. They’re acting like I’ll see them starve through the winter. They called me callous and uncaring!

This is very odd, especially as it seems you don't have any particular connection to this couple except living nearby. I'd just ignore it. You must know it's completely up to your other neighbour what she does or doesn't do for the couple, as it is up to you what you will or won't do for them. If you can't help them the way they'd like, they'll ask someone else or ask the original neighbour to help them organise click 'n' collects while she's away.

Topseyt123 · 27/10/2022 16:07

I'd call them back and tell them that you have now reconsidered and you will not be doing any shopping at all for such rude and entitled people.

I'd then engage no further, blocking them if necessary.

minou123 · 27/10/2022 16:08

Keyansier · 27/10/2022 15:56

Neighbour does shopping for two elderly neighbours.

Neighbour is going on holiday.

Elderly neighbours asked OP to do their shopping in neighbour's absence. OP said no. Elderly neighbours called OP callous and uncaring.

OP is astounded that neighbour does shopping for elderly neighbours 2.5 years later and wants to find out why.

I said OP should mind their own business because the arrangement between the other neighbours isn't anything to do with OP.

What exactly have I missed?

You missed the point of the thread.

The Op asked 3 questions:

Am I "callous and uncaring"?

2.would you do this?

Whyyyy is my neighbour still doing their shopping after 2.5 years?

You may have a point that the Op should concern herself with why the neighbour is still doing it.
But, you missed the real point of the thread, which is Elderly neighbours want the Op to do thier shopping, she said no and they called her callous and uncaring.

That's why everyone is quoting your 1st post.

RambamThankyouMam · 27/10/2022 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WibblyWobblyTimeyWimeyStuff · 27/10/2022 16:18

Yeah, like hell would I be doing this for them. YANBU @HolidayJinn

I won't do anything for anyone on a regular basis. Now and again/in an emergency yes. Like I will give a lift in an emergency, yes. Regular basis. No. No way.

People take advantage, take the piss, mug you off. Had it happen in the past, it happens no more. I have no issue whatsover saying no.

Your neighbours are taking the piss out of the other neighbours. What an absolute cheek. You need to say 'no I won't do it. You feel free to do it as long as you want, but I won't be doing it.' No excuses, no reasons, just no.

Me and DH have actually had several people in our street - who are perfectly capable themselves - say to us 'feel free to run your mower over our lawn heh heh heh.' And 'when you've finished your weeding, don't feel bad about doing ours ha ha ha...'

One man even said to us this summer 'our Jen' (a new-ish neighbour we have spoken to briefly twice in 6 months,) 'she isn't really into gardening. She won't mind if you mow her lawn a couple of times a month and pull any weeds out.'

Won't mind. FUCK. OFF! Some people are utterly shameless. I just said 'our garden is enough work for us. If she can't do it, she needs to hire someone.' He just looked most puzzled that we said no.

Octomore · 27/10/2022 16:22

Unless they're disabled/bedbound, they can get their own.

Elderly doesn't mean incapable.My dad did the shopping for his elderly neighbour through the lockdowns, and he was 72/73 at the time (the neighbour was obviously much older and in poor health).

Topseyt123 · 27/10/2022 16:22

Keyansier · 27/10/2022 15:56

Neighbour does shopping for two elderly neighbours.

Neighbour is going on holiday.

Elderly neighbours asked OP to do their shopping in neighbour's absence. OP said no. Elderly neighbours called OP callous and uncaring.

OP is astounded that neighbour does shopping for elderly neighbours 2.5 years later and wants to find out why.

I said OP should mind their own business because the arrangement between the other neighbours isn't anything to do with OP.

What exactly have I missed?

What exactly have you missed? Well, how about the main (real) point of the thread?

OP did say that she could get some shopping for these two cheeky fuckers but when it wasn't possible (or even reasonable) to get it from three different supermarkets they called her callous and uncaring.

Nobody is saying that the arrangements between the cheeky fuckers and the neighbour who has gone on holiday, but the way they spoke to OP was awful. It would make me very angry if I were on the receiving end and then, like OP, I could well find a sounding board and lash out verbally, whilst hoping for a bit of support.

Almost everyone but you seems to have understood that.

Octomore · 27/10/2022 16:24

Topseyt123 · 27/10/2022 16:07

I'd call them back and tell them that you have now reconsidered and you will not be doing any shopping at all for such rude and entitled people.

I'd then engage no further, blocking them if necessary.

Block them? If they're so old they can't order an online delivery, I doubt they're using WhatsApp to make this request! 😂

PumpkinGhoul · 27/10/2022 16:29

They are Massive cheeky fuckers old people can be the worse for the attitude of thinking everyone owes them something.
You were kind enough to offer collecting them bits when you go to your own shop of choice.
Suggest if they are that worried to bother their own family.

MadeForThis · 27/10/2022 16:30

Definitely cheeky fuckers

Topseyt123 · 27/10/2022 16:30

Octomore · 27/10/2022 16:24

Block them? If they're so old they can't order an online delivery, I doubt they're using WhatsApp to make this request! 😂

Show quote history

Whilst you may have a point 😉, we don't know what their relationship with tech is, just that they are cheeky and entitled fuckers.

I did actually say "if necessary", which was intended to acknowledge that it may not be the case.

Burgoo · 27/10/2022 16:34

I don't think it really matters if someone thinks you are uncaring and callous. An opinion isn't a fact.

ImAvingOops · 27/10/2022 16:36

The OP is allowed to wonder why her neighbour would continue to shop for two people who are clearly capable of doing it themselves. There's no law against wondering!

Being neighbourly is taking in a parcel or putting the bins out for someone who is frail. It isn't being a general dogsbody and doing routine chores for people who can do/pay for it themselves.

Georgeskitchen · 27/10/2022 16:51

Why is the neighbour still shopping for them?
Are they wealthy with no family?
That could be one explanation 😉😉

Crumpleton · 27/10/2022 17:01

In my head I'd rewind my life to just before they asked me...
Use hindsight.... and then forget the conversation ever happened.

Your a FT working mother with 3 DC I dare say it's a ball ache finding enough time to do your own shopping....and that's also exactly what I'd tell your neighbour who does their shopping if they mention anything on the subject.

Swivellingbrat · 27/10/2022 17:03

FFS. My mum is 87 and does her own shopping. They can order online or pay someone to shop for them.

Staggeringly rude and entitled to expect someone to go to 3 supermarkets.

ImAvingOops · 27/10/2022 17:06

I'm a sahm with shitloads of time and I still wouldn't do this!
Women's time is not a free for all, where CF get to carve it up to their own convenience

Armadillidium · 27/10/2022 17:08

“The couple still go out and about - the man drives and the woman also goes into town on the bus.”

If the man drives and the woman is going into town via bus why don’t they both get into his car, get the groceries and drive home?

ClinkeyMonkey · 27/10/2022 17:09

Beware!! Your neighbour is NEVER coming back from NZ - anything to get out of shopping for those two piss takers😅😅

Waitingfordecember · 27/10/2022 17:12

I’d revoke the offer completely and if they ask why, tell them it’s because they’ve been bloody rude!

Honestly, some people seem to think old age gives them the right to act however they want with no consequences.

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