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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving overseas in 10 days and friend keeps bugging me

99 replies

Getonwithit1 · 27/10/2022 10:47

Hi all
As the title says, DH and I plus the kids are moving overseas in a little over a week. I've already had a farewell do with my friends however one friend keeps messaging asking to catch up.

I simply don't have the time, I have things to pack, insurance to follow up and a million other things to do, as well as catch up with the family as much as we can before we go.

Honestly this friend messaging has really annoyed me, I've tried telling her I won't have time I'm flat out but she not taking no as an answer. I just don't want to see her as my plate is already full.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Asher33 · 27/10/2022 10:48

Can you mute her messages?

Original poster
Getonwithit1 · 27/10/2022 10:50

Asher33 · 27/10/2022 10:48

Can you mute her messages?

I could do, however it feels a bit mean. She's very sheltered and hasn't had many friends so I suspect she doesn't realise how annoying she's been. I have told her multiple times I'm busy but she's not getting the hint.

I'm not a doctor or anything but I suspect she may be on the spectrum

OP posts:
SkylightSkylight · 27/10/2022 10:52

Remember this when you've moved & don't have any friends. Make time. Even if it's only an hour.

MermaidEyes · 27/10/2022 10:53

I would just ignore. You'll be gone in 10 days. Maybe send her a message the day before you leave saying you'll see her when you next come back and visit.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 27/10/2022 10:54

Is she any use at packing? I had several chat sessions with friends and we wrapped the China together. Also good with putting books in boxes….

Piffpaffpoff · 27/10/2022 10:54

You have to spell it out then ‘friend, it was lovely to see you and all my friends at my farewell party. I am now spending my last few days here focusing on all the tasks that need doing before we leave and won’t have any free time for a catch up. Thank you for understanding. Once we’re settled in (wherever) I’ll be in touch.

Dinoteeth · 27/10/2022 10:56

Either get her to help packing or go for a coffee / sandwich with her. An hour can't be that hard to find if you care about her.

Lcb123 · 27/10/2022 10:58

I'd ask if she wants to come round and help pack whilst you chat, and have lunch?

Original poster
Getonwithit1 · 27/10/2022 10:59

This might sound cruel but she's not particularly someone I would spare an hour for her, she works away so for this week she isn't even in town. Sorry for drip feeding I forgot to mention that part.

We are friends but it's not like we catch up, we go to the gym together occasionally and chat over messenger but that's about it

OP posts:
Mydogatemypurse · 27/10/2022 11:00

Ask her to come over for coffee but lend a hand? Id be happy to help a friend

LadyKenya · 27/10/2022 11:01

Your use of the term "friend" would seem rather generous, considering your update.

Dinoteeth · 27/10/2022 11:02

Go for an early morning gym session and coffee. She obviously thinks more of you than you do of her.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 27/10/2022 11:02

Is she placing more value on this friendship than you do?

Shes not doing anything wrong by trying to see someone she thinks of as a friend one last time before they move abroad.

BitOutOfPractice · 27/10/2022 11:02

So you're not really her friend. You find her annoying and don't like spending time with her (you sound lovely!) so why the angst, just block her and move on.

Original poster
Getonwithit1 · 27/10/2022 11:03

ClocksGoingBackwards · 27/10/2022 11:02

Is she placing more value on this friendship than you do?

Shes not doing anything wrong by trying to see someone she thinks of as a friend one last time before they move abroad.

I think she is. When she's asked to meet up I have told her unfortunately she's at the bottom of the list, I'm busy and family want to see us and the DC before we go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Getonwithit1 · 27/10/2022 11:04

BitOutOfPractice · 27/10/2022 11:02

So you're not really her friend. You find her annoying and don't like spending time with her (you sound lovely!) so why the angst, just block her and move on.

I find her annoying with her constant messages. It's 15 a day! Before that we'd chat at the office and have a coffee and it was fine!

OP posts:
Terriblethirtytwos · 27/10/2022 11:04

Bizarre that you feel mean muting her but not telling her she’s at the bottom of the list!

LIZS · 27/10/2022 11:05

If you hope to keep the friendship make time. You must stop for coffee or lunch sometimes or take kids to park.

Original poster
Getonwithit1 · 27/10/2022 11:06

Terriblethirtytwos · 27/10/2022 11:04

Bizarre that you feel mean muting her but not telling her she’s at the bottom of the list!

I'm still happy to chat to her over message, I just don't have the energy to do a million things, see family and then catch up with her.
Conversations with her are always very intense and I don't have the energy honestly.

OP posts:
DragonflyNights · 27/10/2022 11:28

Tbh if she’s still bugging you after you told her she’s bottom of the list I doubt muting her will hurt her too much further to any hurt already caused. She’s clearly a junior friend who cares more about you than you do her so just mute and forget about her and i’m sure she can find other friends where things are more equitable.

Thatiswild · 27/10/2022 11:34

I’ve been in this situation moving with people all thinking they are the only person wanting to see you for an extra catch up before you go, it’s lovely they want to but frankly it just adds to the immense stress of such a move so I get it! It obviously sounds like she thinks of your relationship differently, I think all you can do it just mute and ignore as you don’t care about how she feels anyway given what you’ve already said to her. Hope the move goes well.

Filamumof9 · 27/10/2022 11:37

We experienced similar when we moved abroad. The last weeks are so busy and people just do not seem to understand that.

For what it is worth, contact with the persons pushing last catch ups etc. was shortlived once we moved, especially from their side.

Rainbowshine · 27/10/2022 11:38

15 messages a day! I would just send a final message saying that you really don’t have any time for catching up before you go, please stop asking me to meet. Then mute.

tulips27 · 27/10/2022 11:40

You're not unreasonable for not having time, but you should know that this is harder emotionally for the people you're leaving behind than it is for you.

tulips27 · 27/10/2022 11:42

Nevertheless if you don't have time just keep being honest about that.