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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To block friend who said this?

180 replies

Nameychangey2022 · 27/10/2022 10:01

I've name changed for this. My friend posted a gushing post on FB about the new priminister. I probably should have ignored but I added a comment that given the state of things in this country under the last three/four tory priministers, although it was great we finally had a more diverse priminister, a general election would have been preferable in my view.

My friend just said to me on messenger, direct quote

" We are not going to be friends if you you're so extreme about your political views".

I've just responded with 'wow' for now, am I being unreasonable to have also blocked her?

Before this she also said 'Your hormones are getting to you!
Gotta take emotion out of big decisions!' I am pregnant so yes hormones and I am emotional... but I am frustrated by how bad things seem to have got and was before I became pregnant, even accessing maternity care this time around is a struggle, the NHS has been chronically underfunded .

She meanwhile doesn't have kids or a mortgage, lives with her parents at 40 plus (cultural reasons). Nothing wrong with any of that and doesn't bother me but perhaps means she is a bit sheltered from real life. Just trying to understand but really a bit upset. I was more than happy to never discuss politics with her but she brought it up..should I pretend I hold the same views to fit in?!

Perhaps it is a natural end anyway to the friendship as it can be very one-sided, I listen to her talking about herself for ages before she thinks to ask how I am.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 27/10/2022 12:39

There usually comes a time in life (sometimes when you are 30, sometimes 50) when you realise its best to keep your mouth shut with friends. Politics and religion are best done face to face as body language and voice tone add a depth to the discussion that is impossible over text.

You poked the bear for no reason but your feeling of superiority. Next time scroll past and have the discussion in person.

swingsandroundabouts222 · 27/10/2022 12:40

I just had one of those crazy moments where I thought I'd been spelling something wrong all my life. I was looking at it for ages and my brain wouldn't process it. I just kept thinking that doesn't look right. I genuinely couldn't remember the correct way way for a few moments.
I have moments like that sometimes. Not sure if I'm losing the plot.

LemonTT · 27/10/2022 12:43

ABJ100 · 27/10/2022 10:08

You sound as bad as her.

I agree. In terms of what I would do next, posting about it in MN is high up there on what not to do.

I would do is check what I posted to see if it could be misinterpreted. If ok I would drop the conversation because I was obviously not be invited to debate anything.

FictionalCharacter · 27/10/2022 12:44

YouOKHun · 27/10/2022 10:45

She probably put a post on FB hoping lots of “quite right Hun” validation. You’ve broken the “#bekind” rules of social media by expressing an opinion however lightly that does not agree with her unoriginal “look at me I’m so aware” bollocks.

Facebook is a tiresome place full of half-baked soundbites. Just leave her to stew and worship at her Rishi shrine and adopt the old rule of “never discuss politics or religion”.

Absolutely. And I can't stand people who put women's opinions down to "hormones".

Original poster
Nameychangey2022 · 27/10/2022 12:45

NKFell · 27/10/2022 12:22

This OP., seriously.

Show quote history

@NKFell and @araiwa I did... that's why I'm asking on Mumsnet? Well thought I'd get some adult responses anyway 🤣 Seriously though she's never said anything like this before. But possibley I've just humoured her before and realising it now. There are other good points to her character which is why we are still friends.. although my DP rolls his eyes when she comes round and makes excuses to leave.. perhaps he is a better judge of character than me. I don't tend to exclude people because they are different to me although we were probably more similar 10 years ago when our friendship started through a work appt. We don't see eachother that often due to distance but do message a lot. I do wonder now whether something else is going on with her and perhaps I have been offended and block her a bit early

OP posts:
PrincessofWellies · 27/10/2022 12:46

We dumped a few friends who voted for Brexit. We don't miss them in the slightest. Would you miss her?

twirlbite · 27/10/2022 12:48

@Rollingdownland I do wish there was a 'like' button on Mumsnet!

Doowop1919 · 27/10/2022 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This. I couldn't get past priminister 🙈

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 27/10/2022 12:50

PornographicPriestess · 27/10/2022 11:07

I'm not friends with anyone who votes Tory. It isn't a difference of opinion; it's a difference in morality

I only see this crap from Labour supporters.

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone with such a bigotted view.

ParentallyUnprepared · 27/10/2022 12:52

I'm quite enjoying "priminister". It's a new one!

Original poster
Nameychangey2022 · 27/10/2022 12:52

LemonTT · 27/10/2022 12:43

I agree. In terms of what I would do next, posting about it in MN is high up there on what not to do.

I would do is check what I posted to see if it could be misinterpreted. If ok I would drop the conversation because I was obviously not be invited to debate anything.

Show quote history

I wasn't the only person to respond with something a bit anti current government to her post so I guess I just saw their response as well and thought debate! Perhaps she just felt attacked though..I don't like that she has tried to sensor me a bit..like basically don't have an opinion or express one other than mine or we can't be friends? I guess I have humoured her views a bit in the past as others have said don't talk politics! I guess at the moment I am quite passionate about it. As she posted I just felt like it needed some balance. Think I should just let it cool off for a bit anyway. Posting on Mumsnet was to find out other people's opinions for balance. I wouldn't throw away a 10 year friendship lightly, but it sounded like she would!

OP posts:
Loics · 27/10/2022 12:53

I've just quietly removed people who support the Tories, can't abide it these days. If I see them in person I'll of course be civil, but I don't want to read/listen to their views.

JOFFCV · 27/10/2022 12:55

MeanOldPotato · 27/10/2022 11:48

Jesus. This thread reads like a group chat between a bunch of tweens.

Grown women falling over themselves to poke fun at someone who made a spelling mistake.

Its Fucking embarrassing.

Very embarrassing, I agree.

RudsyFarmer · 27/10/2022 12:56

I wonder if your friend share the same culture as the new PM? You said she is still at home ‘for cultural reasons’. Might she be extra sensitive about the subject generally if she feels a sense of pride about the appointment?

neverbeenskiing · 27/10/2022 12:56

I really don't understand the "you poked the bear" responses. OP's friend posted publicly on social media, to do so is to invite comment I'm afraid. It's not like OP posted anything remotely controversial or offensive! If I saw a post on my feed gushing about Sunak I'd be tempted to reply with the leaked video of him boasting about taking money away from socio-economically deprived "urban" areas and handing it to already affluent, predominantly white communities. I wouldn't, because that would be poking the bear. But what OP said was really very mild.

Cordeliathecat · 27/10/2022 12:58

PenguinLove1 · 27/10/2022 12:27

I think it really depends what her facebook post actually said that determines whether you are in the right or wrong for commenting as you did. Blocking her is ridiculous no matter what the outcome, agree to disagree and move on.

If she was gushing about the tories and him and what a great leader he was going to be then your comment i think was perfectly valid.

If she wasn't actually mentioning politics as such but merely celebrating that a diverse candidate is PM for the first time and it makes her proud/feel included etc then you were unreasonable to take her post which was probably more about diversity than about politics and complaint that it shouldn't have happened - as many people feel in a GE a diverse candidate will not get the votes, she may see your reply as saying that the public should have got to decide if a diverse candidate got to be PM at all.

This.

I’ve seen a lot of posts this week celebrating having a brown PM. A day that many thought they’d never see in their lifetimes. Finally being able to see a reflection of themselves to some degree at the top of the British establishment.

A lot of the posts I’ve seen have been from people who are life-long Labour voters.

If your friend was simply celebrating the fact that we have our first brown PM then I think you were wrong to bring politics into it.

SallyWD · 27/10/2022 13:00

Is she Indian or Asian? She's probably feeling very proud to have an Asian prime minister so I would have kept quiet in this particular situation. I say this as someone who is married to an Indian. Despite him hating the tories he does feel proud - its quite a momentous thing from people of Indian heritage so I wouldn't rain on her parade (despite the fact I agree with your comment). Her comments in return are ridiculous. Doesn't sound like a close friendship.

Juliejuly · 27/10/2022 13:02

@ParentallyUnprepared me too

@Nameychangey2022 I think you've invented a very good new word, as you never actually hear anyone saying 'prime' 'minister' it's always as you wrote it, sliding the m sounds into one.

Bensteeth · 27/10/2022 13:03

I don’t think anyone can possibly make an objective decision without the exact words used. I suspect YABU and downplaying it on here to get the answers you want but no idea

Dacadactyl · 27/10/2022 13:04

You sound oversensitive to me.

Ellatella · 27/10/2022 13:04

You could have just ignored her post. She is entitled to her political view and you brought negativity to her happy post. I personally don't know why people feel the need to plaster politics over social media.
I did have a friend who became very extreme and aggressive in her far left political views in 2020, very aggressive in her language and saying anyone who disagrees is part of the problem and can unfriend her etc. So I did. People should be able to vote for whoever they choose and not be condemned for it.

beonmywaythen · 27/10/2022 13:06

She sounds a bit crazy! I agree, tories have been awful. Can't wait for an election.let her drift away xx

Nothingtoseehereok · 27/10/2022 13:07

I have two friends that I semi-regularly have dinner with. One is a social worker and the other is in the NHS. When out with them a while ago it became obvious that (in spite of her job, budget cuts etc) one friend was very pro-Tory and a massive fan of Boris Johnson's so-called charisma.

After we had pulled our jaws off the floor, other friend and I resolved to never mention politics with her again, for the sake of our previous years of friendship.

Freespirit42 · 27/10/2022 13:11

Ellatella · 27/10/2022 13:04

You could have just ignored her post. She is entitled to her political view and you brought negativity to her happy post. I personally don't know why people feel the need to plaster politics over social media.
I did have a friend who became very extreme and aggressive in her far left political views in 2020, very aggressive in her language and saying anyone who disagrees is part of the problem and can unfriend her etc. So I did. People should be able to vote for whoever they choose and not be condemned for it.

Do you know why that is? Because for some of us that hate the tories we see nasty policies that are harming people and when you care about stuff like this you just can’t understand people voting to harm people so those on the right don’t get that they don’t understand that policies effect real peoples lives like minorities etc

Freespirit42 · 27/10/2022 13:12

Nothingtoseehereok · 27/10/2022 13:07

I have two friends that I semi-regularly have dinner with. One is a social worker and the other is in the NHS. When out with them a while ago it became obvious that (in spite of her job, budget cuts etc) one friend was very pro-Tory and a massive fan of Boris Johnson's so-called charisma.

After we had pulled our jaws off the floor, other friend and I resolved to never mention politics with her again, for the sake of our previous years of friendship.

That’s cognitive dissidence isn’t it lol