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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like leaving the house?

95 replies

RoomOfRequirement · 26/10/2022 12:58

I love being at home. I love being 'lazy' at home.

I dread when friends ask me to make plans which is crazy, because I always enjoy myself when I'm out! But I find having plans a waste of annual leave or days off when I could enjoy doing nothing so much more.

When I do have to run errands or make plans, I try to lump them all together, or on a day I already have to be out, to minimize the 'wasted' days off.

Also oddly, if I am roped into something with little notice on the day, that feels 'better' than dreading it up to that point, even if it's an enjoyable outing.

I am also one of those people who fixates on time, so if I need to be at the doctor or meeting a friend at 2pm I feel like I can't relax in the house at all until then which I know is crazy! So I try to plan everything for 8 or 9am.

I know IABU. I'm just hoping there are others like me about! Also can we be friends 😁

OP posts:
WorkerBeeeee · 26/10/2022 21:48

The best part of going out/going on holiday is getting HOME!

Yes, I do get my hair cut, see people etc. But I would never spend the day mooching round the shops for example. I order online or go into the shop, grab what I need and get the hell out of there (paying for it, obvs!) My default setting is to be at home as much as possible. It's like an umblical cord pulling me back.

Even when I was a child, my dream was to have my very own flat all on my own and now I have it! Esp now, age 40, I find pubs too noisy and overwhelming. I can do an hour or so then I need out. It's very liberating to not give a fuck either what people think. They don't care imho so do what you like! I think it's people who "need" other people who have an issue.

WorkerBeeeee · 26/10/2022 21:49

OP, yes we can be friends but you stay over there!

WorkerBeeeee · 26/10/2022 21:49

I especially HATE going out in the dark/wind/rain. It goes against every instinct in my body to put on a dress and go out for a Christmas night out.

Belindabelle · 26/10/2022 22:20

This is me too. I love this time of year as it seems more acceptable to spend time at home. I feel more relaxed and secure in the dark winter days. The summer unsettles me as you are expected to get out and about more.

i actually think there is a lot to be said for being content in your own home and being happy with your own company. I never feel bored or lonely because being home alone is my favorite thing.

Bigslippers · 26/10/2022 22:29

Totally relate.
Im far from anti social but just enjoy my own company and plodding around at home.

Kids are grown up now and also work from home (lockdown was heaven to me)

I do go out to certain events but it feels like a big deal to me and don’t find it easy. Dentists/doctors/ any appointments for that matter takes space in my brain and you’d swear I was planning a trip to the moon
Im happy being like this now. Maybe because when my kids were growing I was constantly on the go with no time to myself. They have flown the nest and its as if I’ve been in ‘chill’ mode for the last 10 yrs.

EarringsandLipstick · 26/10/2022 22:40

I agree OP, I think it's great you feel this way.

I am the opposite! I have to be 'doing' 🤦🏻‍♀️ sometimes this is fine - i do lots of activities, exercise but not being able to stop, and enjoy being at home, is not good.

Tangled123 · 26/10/2022 23:15

I’m the annoying type that wants to be at home when I’m out, and wants to be out when I’m at home. If I spend all day at home, I feel guilty about ‘wasting the day’ but, if I’ve been out, I regret not getting anything from my to do list done at home. An extra day or two off would help ;)

MintyCedricHereWeGoAgain · 26/10/2022 23:40

Exactly the same and much worse since the pandemic as I had to give up work to care for my parents...aside from going away for my DDs 18th I've not had a night out on my own account for over a year.

I now freelance PT working from home and a once weekly meeting is the only time I regularly leave the house.

Original poster
RoomOfRequirement · 27/10/2022 01:07

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/10/2022 19:54

@RoomOfRequirement

have you not had enough of staying home after the pandemic?

I worked 70 hour weeks in the NHS during the pandemic. Sadly we didn't ALL get to stay safe at home.

OP posts:
Original poster
RoomOfRequirement · 27/10/2022 01:10

OnomatopoeiaFlea · 26/10/2022 20:03

The part around being fixated on time makes me wonder if you are ND tbh

this isn’t normal

No, I'm NT. I can do all the things, I just prefer not to.

OP posts:
Original poster
RoomOfRequirement · 27/10/2022 01:12

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/10/2022 19:57

Those that say they never go out and hate going out etc and love being home

how do you go on…

for work?

Seeing your pals?

Getting your hair cut and that kind of thing?

do you just not bother??

Literally no where in my OP states I'm not a functioning member of society who can't work or get a haircut or meet a friend.

It took longer than I thought for the rude comments to start though.

OP posts:
Shauna27 · 27/10/2022 01:15

@RoomOfRequirement I feel like I'm reading something I wrote myself!! Can totally relate to this. Sounds like you're a high functioning-empath-introvert, it's totally normal to want to switch off and recharge when you have time off. Perfectly healthy :)

Chloefairydust · 27/10/2022 02:19

I do this too, especially in winter. I make plans to meet friends and even though I love spending time with them, I have been known to cancel and make up an excuse just so I can stay cosy in the house.

OnTheRoll · 27/10/2022 02:50

I work from home and loving it so much that sometimes I do stop to think if it is normal to find genuine pleasure in being in. On the other hand, now that I don't need to commute to work, I love those parts of my work that do get me out of the house, I enjoy - and have energy for - seeing friends, going out and doing things out. So the balance works.

Sunnytwobridges · 27/10/2022 02:55

This is 100% me.

i have a friend coming in from out of town and we are supposed to meet up and I havent been able to relax all day.

sometimes I hate being this way as I feel like I’m missing out but I’m just a major homebody I guess and I need to make peace with it 😂

SpinningFloppa · 27/10/2022 03:08

I hate going out, I have children and I still don’t go out every day. Despite MN insisting that children need to go out every day we enjoy at least one day a week where we can just stay in and not have to go anywhere.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/10/2022 07:18

It took longer than I thought for the rude comments to start though.

I didn't think that poster was being rude? She directed her question at those who say they 'never' go out, not necessarily you.

Your answer in the earlier about working 70hour weeks during Covid was snippy though, unnecessarily.

OdkinsBodkins · 27/10/2022 08:00

I also try to group things together and have at least 1 day a week preferably 2 in the house when working outside the home, more when working from home. I come across as an extrovert which I am not faking but who needs quite a lot of downtime to rest and concentrate and regroup and get things done such as admin and housework.

Liztrussisuseless · 27/10/2022 08:07

@JorisBonson hope you are ok. Sending good thoughts x

yes OP this is me (and also my SIL). I’ve always loved being at home though I did used to go out a lot. 44 now with 2 kids under 4 and DH and I just find we’d rather be at home, cooking and enjoying our house.

I also love going to bed!

QueenConsort · 27/10/2022 08:08

Same.

I've been on my own all week in the house as I wfh.

Used to hate it - like it now.

Caughtupinsomething · 27/10/2022 08:18

Oh my goodness yes, i dream of a day to myself at home pottering on, reading, baking, binging on netflix. I don't get to do much of any of that with young children and find school runs are my life lol. Nothing better than in the winter being snuggled on the sofa with a hot chocolate/cup of tea, and a good film late afternoon! I also love writing Christmas cards/wrapping presents with the tree lights twinkling (yes I'm weird!)
I do get days where I have to get out as well but these aren't as frequent! Like a previous pp said I don't understand people with huge fancy houses that work all of the time theb n go out when are off and never see them, what is the point in that?!

Original poster
RoomOfRequirement · 27/10/2022 08:21

EarringsandLipstick · 27/10/2022 07:18

It took longer than I thought for the rude comments to start though.

I didn't think that poster was being rude? She directed her question at those who say they 'never' go out, not necessarily you.

Your answer in the earlier about working 70hour weeks during Covid was snippy though, unnecessarily.

The people here who refer to never going out are the same ones who admit to having a mental health issue at the moment - agoraphobia or a major depressive episode. So I hope the comment wasn't aimed at them either. Directly after being diagnosed as ND, told I'm not normal, assumed I stayed at home for a year in a pandemic and then given a list of things it was implied I can't do - like work! - I really do see a string of comments with a negative undercurrent to them. If you don't thats fine.

And absolutely my comment was snipy in return. It's been 2.5 years, why are we still acting as if everyone got to stay home through the pandemic? It was the most stressful time in my life and led to awful personal loss including the loss of a parent that I barely got to take an hour away from work from. I am so frustrated with the belief we all got to stay home. My life and that of my parent - who would still be here! - have been damaged irrevocably.

OP posts:
Caughtupinsomething · 27/10/2022 08:26

'They don't care imho so do what you like! I think it's people who "need" other people who have an issue.'

Exactly this, why are they so bitter and judgement about how others choose to spend their time? It's like they are secretly envious, as why would they care otherwise!

TidyDancer · 27/10/2022 08:33

Yeah I get this completely. Lockdown was my absolute dream scenario as I worked from home through the whole thing and barely had to see another person outside of my own household. I miss it so much tbh. I could easily (and happily) become reclusive. When people talk about winning the lottery and being able to go off and do loads of amazing and expensive things, I just love the idea that it would give me the freedom to decide not to go out if I didn't want to.

LaraLei · 27/10/2022 08:56

I am the opposite, but I think a lot of my friends re on this thread as they are often difficult to get out of the house. I personally think at least getting out for fresh air each day is a must. Those of you not leaving the house for days on end, so you not exercise ?

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