What's been one of the shittest times for you?

[Justgetitoverwith]

Posting here for traffic.

My woes really probably are nothing compared to some. I had a chat with my priest not long ago and we theorised that people's genuine and I stress genuine difficulties are all relative to their experiences, but recognising that yes some were definitely worse but it doesn't minimise the suffering experienced by those more fortunate at it were. Feelings are feelings basically.

I went back to work after maternity leave and I feel it's all been shit ever since. Child is at nursery and they're catching an illness every other week, as am I. DH seems to have a better immune system. I've just had a virus like flu and I'm not shot of it but I've just had severe vomiting and diarrhoea. Managed to orchestrate things so child hasn't come into contact with me and can still go to nursery so me and DH could get much needed time together as I'm on "holiday" this week. I'm still feeling weak as a kitten so fab quality time

To top it all I read a thread at the start of half term that seemed to be "me" complaining about allocation of work... without going into details...I've been careful not to post it on MN as it's a really sensitive situation and possibly bullying, but coincidence or not someone posted the exact same situation...it really rattled me and upset me greatly as the implications of my manager and anyone else for that matter seeing it and thinking its me complaining are on my career. .my livelihood my bread and butter for putting a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our back.

The first child free time in 18 months coming up and I'm sick 😫. It's been shit since falling pregnant, the most difficult pregnancy, difficult birth, fucking milk allergy, no family help near by, teething literally all at once every other fucking week and a baby with zero pain threshold poor thing, it's been shit.

I’m really sorry you are feeling so awful Justgetitoverwith and things are tough right now. Fwiw I think most people working ft with a teething child deserves some sort of medal! You have had a rotten time, could do with more family support and now you are ill on top. I think anyone would be justified in feeling down about that.

I was abroad when mine were small, and dh was travelling, and I remember feeling very isolated and stressed. I know it is no help right now but I can hand on heart say that it does get better and easier. Hang in there and I hope you feel better soon 💐

Thanks @Mindthegap725 thankfully I'm only part time. The teething has mostly been during mat leave, it's been every other week since child was 5mo...they have almost got a full set of teeth at 18 months now 😳

It's the biggest buggers they're currently teething now.

Being ill while on my own. My husband was in hospital not long having had a brain tumour removed and was on antibiotics because of an infection so he couldn't go anywhere because of treatment. I was ill, ate a bad ready meal risotto (haven't eaten it since), I woke up and threw up all over my bathroom. I'd never been ill on my own before and I just didn't know what to do with myself. I mostly just sat feeling sorry for myself for a couple of days, cried, and felt awful.

It was the only two days I didn't go in and see my husband in hospital - and I felt awful because I wasn't there to support him but also just how awful I felt too.

It wasn't a great time.

You're totally right, it's all relative. I volunteered as a Samaritan for a decade and one of the things they used as an example in training was one call being an active suicide, then the next being a person crying about their budgie dying. It was designed to get you thinking 'wow, imagine crying over a budgie when some people are so desperate they're suicidal', but of course there was a backstory about how this imaginary elderly person was lonely after losing everyone they loved, their budgie was their only friend and reason to get up each day, and therefore losing their budgie was an immeasurable loss. A bit simplistic but you get the gist. It doesn't matter how bad other people's problems are, if you're suffering you're suffering and nobody wins from the pain olympics, comparing one person's pain to another's. After all, the person who lost a leg could have it so much worse compared to the person who lost both!

I won't share about the shittest time in my own life as I suspect despite the title that's not what this post is about: you're sharing about how incredibly crap things are for you right now and offloading.

It's wank when your kiddo goes off to nursery and you go through that awful period where they and you are constantly poorly, it's honestly the worst and then you're having to parent without much support from outside of the house on top of feeling awful. You must have been really looking forward to this little break from childcare and work with your DH and now you're poorly to boot so can't enjoy it properly! It's terrible timing.

I wonder if you're also still processing and recovering from everything you've been through becoming a parent, the difficult pregnancy and birth and then intensity of being a new parent with a baby with an allergy all without much of a family village nearby.

I think the chances are small anyone will come across that post and think it's you, but if it's ever mentioned just laugh it off and say 'haha, I would never be so stupid as to share personal work issues online to strangers!', they can't prove it's you because it isn't and nobody with any kind of sense would go down the road of trying to pin it on you or judge you for it.

In time things will likely get a bit easier, I hope that time comes soon <3

The first 10 years of our marriage trying to have a baby. And the dementia years with my mother and my DH having cancer at the same time.

Also: I think your title will lead to posts from people sharing their own worst times, and I wonder if it'll make you feel even worse right now as you'll likely get stories of real horrific tragedies and I hope that you don't end up comparing what you're going through to that and feeling bad.

@NewNameWhoDis2 thank you for such a dedicated thoughtful reply. The back story is so important ❤

I think I realised I'd get worse experiences, partly to knock some perspective into me, but I guess I also hoped I may get similar stories that maybe validates my feelings to?!

When I was with an emotionally abusive bullying SO (lived with him too), then grandad got terminally sick and died but there were family issues including involving solicitors and court case and I had to send faxes for it through my work. When I finally broke up with the SO I was on Prozac and had therapy and didn’t really want to be with another man. Best friend developed bipolar/schizophrenia and moved away and I spent lots of time visiting her until she sadly took her own life. All this was over a 3-6 year period.

My mum being taken into hospital with tummy pain, diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and dying 12 days later. My world fell apart and I'm still trying to build it. She was only 67 and fit healthy and about to go on holiday with us all.

For me, it was DB. One of his GF’s died of a heroin overdose, a few people he knew got shot due to drugs (one a DJ at a rave, another a drug dealer on his doorstep) both fatal. Then another close friend killed himself by shooting in the face. Hardly surprising he hated funerals for ages…

For you OP, I think everyone has worries/troubles and they can all seem overwhelming at the time.

Oh I'm so sorry to read some of these. The strength you have to keep going is amazing. @ellieboolou That's so tragic, I'm so sorry 😞 xxxx

When exH left he took all the furniture with him. But he let me keep the flat as long as I took on all the debt he racked up as the debt = equity.

So I was a single parent, working full time. Didn't even own a bed and had £30k of debt to pay off.

It's 10 years on now and I'm debt free, have a lovely home and am proud of where I've come from and what I've achieved.

Probably when my ex husband had a 2 year affair with my best friend whilst they both made me think I was losing my mind. Now he's living with her, I miss him every day. She continues to try and make my life hell spreading rumours about me being unstable and a shit mother whilst I bring up 3 kids, 2 with sen and all the challenges there, by myself.

Yeah that was shit.

@Sideorderofchips I'm so sorry 😞 xxxx

@NewNameWhoDis2 I think you must have been a very compassionate person to have on the end of a phone helpline. X

Lots, but when my baby son was born with a serious birth defect requiring lots of surgery and many touch-and-go situations, I was having a brief break from staying in Great Ormond St Hospital while my husband took over. I went to a get-together of other mothers - who all knew the situation - and had to listen to one idiot whingeing (to me personally - not the general crowd, which I might have forgiven) because she'd been away to rich friends the previous weekend and felt life was really unfair because she didn't live in Cotswold manor house like them. She was a very affluent woman who lived in a beautiful detached house already.

I just couldn't stop myself telling her she should spend a week in GOSH and see what some of the lives of the children and parents were like in there. I think, if you have been through something horrible - you either become very much more forgiving of people's stupidity, or totally intolerant of it... and I'm the in latter camp.

14 months ago when my wonderful DH died suddenly at 42 without any warning. Three children aged 10,13 and 15 to take care of. We were together 24 years.

My 1 day old DS being blue lighted to a bigger hospital to have surgery that day & subsequently being diagnosed with a life limiting condition.

Everything else pales into insignificance, even my Mum dying at 64.

NC as anyone in real life will recognise me from this...

This year has been rather trying.

Like @ellieboolou, my mum went into hospital with stomach pain and was dead 4 days later. I still cannot take it in. Hugs for you Ellie and everyone else

Then my dad was hospitalised (unrelated to DM's illness...just shitty timing. He came close to dying but thankfully pulled through)

I then got COVID again so couldn't see him and to top it off, I had to take time from work with stress.

I am an only child so had to deal with this with no help from siblings. However, what I would say is that friends and family rallied and got me through an unbelievably shitty time when it seemed it was one thing after another. It got to the point of being near-hilarious when yet another shitty thing happened.

I'm still here. I wouldn't say I'm stronger but I have developed a 'Ah, fuck it...life's too short' attitude

Great post from NewNameWhoDis2

And pt or ft, it is still hard working when your baby is teething as they don’t tend to reserve their most fitful nights for when you have a day off the next day! 😁

And I forgot to say, try not to worry about the other poster on Mumsnet. You can’t do anything about it, (said very very gently) I think you might be over thinking it slightly bc you are feeling low, and it wasn’t you so there is no need to feel defensive anyway.

Do you think you might have a bit of ppd op? It might be worth chatting to the gp about it?
I hope you can reach out for some rl support 💐

During the 1st lockdown when my dad died of Covid. I was a young recent graduate with no money and a baby, and it felt like my entire world had collapsed. I had no life. I don’t remember those few months well, but I feel so terrible for my son. I became severely depressed, dropped to about 6 stone and contemplated suicide. I’ve never quite been the same since, even though life is back to ‘normal’, my ability to cope with the normal stresses of life has changed. I often feel overwhelmed, sad and stressed just by having to go to work, looking after my son and just the day to day things. I really feel you, op. Everyday strains can put you down. Life with young children is hard, especially when you have to work too (or for those who don’t work, the isolation can be just as bad). I’ve had so many good things happen in the past year, a new bigger house, a new job that I really wanted- yet I feel like I just want to collapse into bed and never get up.

Thank you <3 I probably don't always come across like it on anonymous forums tbh as like everyone I have my moments of being a bit judgmental in my personal life! But when you're actually there with someone, your job is to listen, seek to understand, support and hold space. It's so valuable to be able to offer that.

Mine was when DD was born, I was rushed back to hospital 10 days later with a post partum haemorrhage and almost died. 3 days later my partner (DD dad) went to prison (3 years) so I was barely out of hospital after nearly losing my life and a first time mum to a newborn and was totally on my own. I then got made redundant and my landlord sold my home so I was struggling to find somewhere to live particularly with not being employed. I was very low at that time, I had a full breakdown and he crisis team had to intervene. I still dont feel quite over it and I cant really explain how difficult it was to be grieving the family we should have been and trying to cope all by myself as a new mum. I didnt have any real support system either and I became very depressed and thought about very little other than suicide. I only kept going for DD.
I'm in a really good place now 5 years later with a high paying job, own my own home and a great partner. But I still feel quite traumatised by that period of my life.