What's been one of the shittest times for you?

[Justgetitoverwith]

Posting here for traffic.

My woes really probably are nothing compared to some. I had a chat with my priest not long ago and we theorised that people's genuine and I stress genuine difficulties are all relative to their experiences, but recognising that yes some were definitely worse but it doesn't minimise the suffering experienced by those more fortunate at it were. Feelings are feelings basically.

I went back to work after maternity leave and I feel it's all been shit ever since. Child is at nursery and they're catching an illness every other week, as am I. DH seems to have a better immune system. I've just had a virus like flu and I'm not shot of it but I've just had severe vomiting and diarrhoea. Managed to orchestrate things so child hasn't come into contact with me and can still go to nursery so me and DH could get much needed time together as I'm on "holiday" this week. I'm still feeling weak as a kitten so fab quality time

To top it all I read a thread at the start of half term that seemed to be "me" complaining about allocation of work... without going into details...I've been careful not to post it on MN as it's a really sensitive situation and possibly bullying, but coincidence or not someone posted the exact same situation...it really rattled me and upset me greatly as the implications of my manager and anyone else for that matter seeing it and thinking its me complaining are on my career. .my livelihood my bread and butter for putting a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our back.

The first child free time in 18 months coming up and I'm sick 😫. It's been shit since falling pregnant, the most difficult pregnancy, difficult birth, fucking milk allergy, no family help near by, teething literally all at once every other fucking week and a baby with zero pain threshold poor thing, it's been shit.

I've got it atm. Tonnes of tiny stuff. The other day I prayed. I never normally do. I was like : 'come on God, I'm strong, but ease up'.

The time when my employers were absolute shits, family life ( my mother was suddenly gravely Ill and later died) and a relationship imploded all at the same time. I thought my heart would break or I’d collapse from the stress. Maybe both. This was over 20 years ago and I sometimes still have dreams about it

Childhood and adolescence in its entirety. We were a wealthyish family but my mother was a violent alcoholic with a personality disorder we would get beaten to the point of bleeding everywhere and she’d cut our hair or make us wear ridiculous clothes so we’d get bullied. Her affair partner sexually abused me for years. Left at 14 to live with older boyfriend . Of course that relationship was abusive too. Ran away from him and was forced to work as an escort to afford to live and rent somewhere while alone with a small child at 18 .Then moved on from that and now have 2 degrees and a great , happy family and a lovely home .
A strange , misplaced loyalty kept any of us siblings from seeking help at any point and excluding one absolute crackhead mess of a brother , we’re all really decent happy folk.
the memories still haunt me though and sometimes I’ll be overcome with this love for my own kids , the joy and laughter and urge to hug them and it makes me feel so sad that we never had this growing up.

@Notanothernobhead oh dear God you poor thing xxxx

Right now tbh. Got told last week doctors very strongly suspect I have cancer. It's a two and a half week wait for lab results to come back. I've lost half a stone and I've still got more than a week to wait. I have two children and I'm in my early thirties. The lump is already pretty large and my lymph nodes are suspicious. I'm also the breadwinner in our family. I want to wake up from this nightmare but it's my real life. I keep hearing that the NHS is crumbling and my life literally depends on it right now. I am so scared.

I don't think I'm intolerant of other people having their worries and struggles though. Most people have lots of stuff going on at any moment. Other people talking about their lives is a brief distraction at times. I keep thinking that it could be worse - it could be one of my children. I guess I'm trying to put it into perspective in a way by doing that.

Having a missed miscarriage two years ago and not able to conceive since, crying every time I get a negative test and looks like I’m going into premature menopause as well so will likely never have a child. Life just feels pointless atm

@Plingston so so sorry 😞 xxxx
@Changefor I've never been in your situation but I do understand, terribly heart breaking xxxx

In the space of 4 months I had a chronic illness that was barely eased by 3 surgeries and all the drugs, lack of support (amongst other things) from work led me to tribunal. Handed my notice in for a new job and 3 days later my mum died completely out of the blue. Investigation into her death concluded hospital negligence, which was horrific. She died intestate, so I had to do all of the paperwork then deal with selling her house. Then covid struck completely knocking me out for a fortnight.

My divorce from a complete narc was long, drawn-out, vicious and expensive, but by comparison far less traumatic.

As you say op, it's all relative.

@Fuuuuuckit oh my, that really is a terrible terrible experience 😢

Different times.
possibly when DH was made redundant and I had a bullying boss. Stressful. We moved but the repercussions for DH mental health were hard.

2019 was rough, I had issues with my mum and other stresses.

September 2020 until start of this year also sucked. MIL had alzheimers and was very distressed. DH had to stay with his parents for a week, twice, before she could go into a care home. Covid hastened her decline. Then locked down visiting for months. She died last summer. DH had a breakdown. I got covid (again). My mum created new ways to be difficult just as MIL was dying. Generally a difficult and upsetting 18 months.

Resilience is important. As is seeking counselling. DH and I are better for having individual counselling.

I've been there. Multiple miscarriages and premetaure menopause at 36. I can absolutely relate to life feeling pointless. I genuinely thought I'd never be happy again. But, and I promise you this, it will get better. I'm sad that my life hasnt panned out how I wanted. I'm even more sad for my husband, because he would have been a bloody amazing father. But we are so happy now, we have a beautiful life.

Oh and @Justgetitoverwith in terms of how to get through the teething and illness... you just do. It's not a helpful response, but just know that it will be better.

My DS didn't sleep properly from 4 to 20 months. Night terrors, caused by medication he needed. I genuinely have no recollection of some periods of time during that time. None. Apparently I functioned well st work, gave great advice in meetings. No recollection. I lurched from cup of coffee to cup of coffee. When he started nursery we had the illnesses, DD was in school for part of that time so every new term brought the new school bugs too. Hideous. Felt like wading through treacle and that it would never end.

It does though.
Calpol helped. For me and the kids. And Ashton and parsons teething powder was amazing. And micro naps in the work toilet. And two to three spoons of coffee in each cup.

It does feel insurmountable. But you'll start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I second this.

OP, I’m sorry you’ve been going through all this. Teething is the devils work I’m sure, I think we must nearly go deaf/insane with the screams.
i don’t want to sound pushy but wish someone had seen it in me - Do you have some birth trauma possibly? I had without realising it was indirectly effecting my ability to weather motherhood storm, had no resilience left as I never mentally recovered from birth.

You and the other posters here are so very strong, while it is all relative please remember someone else’s pain doesn’t minimise yours and it is valid, and vice versa.

even on your worst days, you’re still the best thing in the world to your little one.

@KimberleyClark , I thought my life would be so empty without children in it (children of our own that is, we have nephews who we absolutely adore). I thought never getting to have a child with my husband would break me. But it's actually good. We had some counselling and have talked about it a lot, and now we're just enjoying life, spending time together, and it's pretty magical.

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP.
My most difficult time ever was a nervous breakdown in my 20s. It was terrifying and I truly believed that I'd lost my mind and would never recover. I believed 100% that my life was over and I'd inevitably die.
When I had 2 toddlers I had cancer which was the second most difficult thing I've been through. So, so scary and I still feel very scared of recurrence, scared of leaving my children. The only reason this wasn't my first most awful experience is because the doctors always gave me hope. It was found early and I clung on to that hope. The hope got me through it.

sadness is not a competition. I hope you feel better.

I had a really bad 6-9 months after having my twins:
sepsis, dental issues; PND; horrific family issues; police involvement and threats on our life.

Sometimes a lot less can happen though and it feels insurmountable.

This point made by @bridgetjonesmassivepants is such an important thing to remember too.
Ive had some really bad years. Effectively losing both my parents (Mum to cancer, Dad to depression and alcoholism) when I was on the cusp of adolescence. Emotional abuse from Dad’s new girlfriend. Dad dying very suddenly a few years later. But none of that felt insurmountable, in fact I felt like I could cope with it all really well, and people would always remark on how strong and brave I was. They still do. But the truth is that all that mess in the past has made me crumple about quite small things since becoming a Mum myself… hardly anyone knows that though.

I guess what I’m saying is that sometimes we amaze ourselves with how well we deal with things and sometimes we realise that there are things we never did really deal with.

My brother killed himself the same month my 15 year old daughter developed agoraphobia. Yes that was probably the shittest.

This year has honestly been the shittiest I've ever endured. I've nursed both my father and my younger sister to their end whilst trying to hold down my job and not utterly traumatise my children.

My physical reaction to the grief has been debilitating, thankfully there are some truly incredible people around me that are helping me put one foot in front of the other.

If anyone else is feeling like they've been sucker punched and they have nothing left to give - for whatever reason, here's some hope that things improve for you 💐

When my DH told me that he hadn't loved me for any of the 25 years we'd been together but not to worry as he wanted me now. Like I'd be grateful.
Fucking twat.

Nearly losing my DD three times since 2020 due to an ED.

@TerrysGotPeeves I feel the same. DH and I are so happy together. There are silver linings.

January - mum gets told she has cancer
March - mum dies of covid
May - the job I was furloughed from was made redundant
July - DP has a heart scare causing him to collapse (fine now though)
September - after complaining of feeling unwell for a few weeks previously Dad gets diagnosed with cancer
November - Dad dies from cancer

By the end of 2020 I was on my knees through stress and exhaustion and am only now starting to feel "normal" again.

Husband made redundant at the start of covid, had to sell house and couldn't get back on the ladder due to redundancy and industry decimated. Spent all house equity on rent and living while he struggles to re invent himself. So been really shit for the last 2 and a half years here. Oh and lost his pension on a stock market shorter!