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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to admit doing the annoying things people on MN complain about?

646 replies

GreenLinks · 26/10/2022 07:08

For an anonymous internet forum, it continually strikes me as odd that people very rarely admit to engaging in the problematic or annoying behaviours complained about on here - it's always someone else doing it, apparently. Whether it's hogging the middle lane on the motorway, having kids who are out of control in public places, being a noisy neighbour or not picking up dog poo, people on MN constantly complain about these things happening around them but if no one on here admits to doing it, who are all these offenders? For example, several people in my neighbourhood are leaving their dog's poo around constantly, but when this is brought up on here every single dog owner loudly exclaims that it it's these dog owners who give them a bad name, that they never go out walking without carrying several bags for good measure! Same with bad driving - people on here love calling out driving pet peeves, but surely at least some people on here are engaging in those very same behaviours e.g. tailgating, driving too slowly or bad parking, that everyone complains about?

Are people on here just squeaky clean or in denial? I admit it, I do hog the middle lane sometimes, there you go 😬

OP posts:
Midnights · 26/10/2022 08:11

WhereDoesThisToiletGo · 26/10/2022 08:10

I not only let my DH play golf at weekends, I also play golf myself

Snap 😂 the travesty!!

StupidSmallFruit · 26/10/2022 08:12

Look, the toilet brush thing needs to be put to rest.

Most people have toilet brushes.

The only people who don’t, are anti-social hermits who have no friends, and are NC with entire their family.

They’re the only people who can get away with not having a toilet brush.

Meanwhile, everyone in the real world knows that they’re a necessary evil, because you cannot leave guests without them means to clean up after themselves.

And anyway - just get a silicone one.

Whydidimarryhim · 26/10/2022 08:14

What’s the issue with a toilet brush!!! I missed this one.😁

DozyFox · 26/10/2022 08:16

Penelope987 · 26/10/2022 07:41

Another performance parent here. I had never heard the term before coming here and don’t do it with those intentions but I think I’d qualify regardless.

Same here! I couldn't give two hoots who hears me talking to my child, and I'm certainly not putting on a performance for strangers. I'd rather no one overhear me, but I'm not going to stop or change my habits because somebody can hear. I just do not care 🤷‍♀️ but of course I'm sure a million mumsnet posters would say that I simply have to be doing it on purpose for attention, there is just no other explanation.

Saracen · 26/10/2022 08:20

I manage the money in our household because I understand it better and my DH is a spendthrift. He likes the idea of highly speculative investments and wouldn't even do the research on them. And I think he may be in the very early stages of dementia. So I don't tell him that we've saved a decent amount for retirement, because I don't want him to squander it.

Since reading on Mumsnet about financial abuse, I've sort-of accepted that I don't get to be the one to control the purse strings and make all the decisions, and that I really shouldn't hide money at all. I have started telling him more. I now ensure he has all the passwords and understands how to access all the accounts, and I encourage him to have a go at online banking sometimes, though he finds it difficult.

All the same, I don't tell him everything. I've never sat him down and said, this is our net worth, this is what I expect we'll need and this is the extra that we're keeping hold of in case of a rainy day. I imply that we have less money than we actually have. I can't bear the idea of him putting his share of our pension in bitcoin or worse. I do know that this is unacceptable controlling behaviour on my part.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 26/10/2022 08:23

I had a nanny for my second child and still have a cleaner even though I only work part-time. And I smoke. I also drink ALOT of wine, but trying to cut down on that.

I most definitely do not hog the middle lane and it really is a pet peeve of mine 🙈

OoooohMatron · 26/10/2022 08:26

SnowyPetals · 26/10/2022 07:31

I used to be what lazy parents on here call a "performance parent" when mine were little. I also wee behind a bush when out in the countryside.

No, I don't think you understand what a performance parent is. They put on a 'show' whilst out and about but this doesn't reflect their parenting at home. Hence the performance.

IglesiasPiggl · 26/10/2022 08:26

I am unable to stretch a single chicken over three meals.

fannyfartlet · 26/10/2022 08:27

LimeCheesecake · 26/10/2022 07:48

See @SavoirFlair - I don’t middle lane hog as a rule, but can see it’s easier than always having to be looking to move out to overtake slow lorries etc in the inside lane, then back in, then looking forward to assess the speed of the cars /lorries further up and time space to move out again, as well keeping an eye on roads joining the motorway and if you’d need to move over to make space for cars joining. Much easier to just stay in the middle lane once you’ve moved out.

you get to your destination at the same time, just having had to make less effort.

It's also illegal. and has been since 2013. I could say driving at 120mph gets me to my destination quicker but not many people would support that either.

Badgirlriri · 26/10/2022 08:29

I hate tipping.

SnowyPetals · 26/10/2022 08:30

OoooohMatron · 26/10/2022 08:26

No, I don't think you understand what a performance parent is. They put on a 'show' whilst out and about but this doesn't reflect their parenting at home. Hence the performance.

I know that's the "official definition" as it were, but people on here seem to think that anyone having an educational discussion with their children in a public place is doing it for show. Hence the MN definition of performance parenting.

GreenLinks · 26/10/2022 08:30

I also don't tip, unless I'm really embarrassed into it.

OP posts:
OoooohMatron · 26/10/2022 08:31

I let my daughter have her ears pierced before she was 16. I have loo brushes. I always answer the front door and sometimes I scream at my husband during an argument. I'm going straight to hell.

fannyfartlet · 26/10/2022 08:31

Sparklybees · 26/10/2022 08:06

I don't eke out leftovers, I chuck them away.

My husband and I thank each other for all the jobs/childcare we each do. I am also a SAHM.

I have and use, loo brushes.

I vote Tory and voted for Brexit.

I was thinking this was all reasonable until I got to the Tory and Brexit bit😂

OoooohMatron · 26/10/2022 08:32

SnowyPetals · 26/10/2022 08:30

I know that's the "official definition" as it were, but people on here seem to think that anyone having an educational discussion with their children in a public place is doing it for show. Hence the MN definition of performance parenting.

I get you. In that case I'm also a performance parent!

Subnauctic · 26/10/2022 08:33

I've put my heating on already and occassionally have it at the lofty heights of 24 degrees.

I have a washer/dryer and I quite like it.

I put said washer/dryer on unsupervised.

And I don't have pets, so animal shit all over the place boils my piss. My child free neighbours cat regularly poos in my garden and I get told they can't help it. I'm tempted to send my kids to crap on her lawn and see how she likes it.

SerenaVanDerWoodsenHumphrey · 26/10/2022 08:34

I don't have a car, a dog, or small children, and I am a fairly quiet neighbour (years of WFH!)

My dirty little secret is that I use perceived "Americanisms" such as "kids", "high school", "jelly" (meaning a smooth fruit condiment, not gelatin), "swimsuit", "Santa Claus", "gotten", and "can I get ... ?" (when I mean "can I get...?" and not "may I have...?")

Some of these are perfectly normal in Scotland, but not on MumsNet!

Purplecatshopaholic · 26/10/2022 08:36

I own toilet brushes… one in each toilet winces

CatJumperTwat · 26/10/2022 08:38

I love the sound of wind chimes.

I know that there's nothing wrong with artificial sweeteners, and they're definitely not less healthy than sugary drinks.

I can't think of anything else that goes against MN orthodoxy though...

Mumoblue · 26/10/2022 08:38

Well I’m a single parent on benefits which is a cardinal sin on MN.

I also probably appear to be performance parenting sometimes, because I have loud educational discussions with my son in public. Why are they loud? Because I’m hard of hearing. But the average MNer wouldn’t find that out, they’d just see me talking loudly to my kid and assume it’s for the benefit of strangers.

PotentiallyPolly · 26/10/2022 08:39

I “performance parent” if that means talking loudly about the things we see around us, or praising my DS for what he’s done. He’s only small, he doesn’t hear that great and he has additional needs. Fucking sick of the label performance parenting.

PotentiallyPolly · 26/10/2022 08:40

@SerenaVanDerWoodsenHumphrey i read your post and wondered wtf you were talking about with Americanisms - definitely very normal here in Scotland 😁

Whereisthehugeteddybear · 26/10/2022 08:41

I don't always shower every day.(mostly but not always)
If I had one last thing at night, and didn't do sport or anything dirty/sweaty the next day, I might wait til the next morning.
Im pretty sure I don't smell I've not noticed anyone recoiling, backing away or moving seats on the train but maybe they are on MN typing away about the smelly person next to them

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/10/2022 08:42

Smoking
own toilet brushes in both toilets
middle lane hogger, but very rare to use the motorway
love my dogs and talk to them more than my kids
whole chicken only lasts 1 meal, dogs love their Sunday roast

KnittingAuntie · 26/10/2022 08:46

I have Jack Monroe's recipe book and use it a lot

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